The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 112

Six years later...

Six years later, here we are... strong and happy and stable. James has been sober since rehab and has become quite a strong and confident person. I am not saying that his demons are gone. There's no way that those scars are ever going to disappear, but he has tools now to deal with it in a better and less destructive manner than he used to. He resorts a lot to his music, his artistic side. He loves to draw and transform cars. Six years later, his arms are covered in tattoos that he thought about and draw and took to an artist so it could be perpetuated on his skin. He will always be a rebel, but I love that side of him as well. His rebellion was something that had drawn me to him since the beginning.

Rehab was intense and heart wrenching for both. James stayed in the facility for seven weeks but he took almost a year off of all his professional activities when he came back home. I think part of him wasn't ready. It was all too fresh and beginning. In the facility, he had only been given the tools, but he had to learn how to use it and one doesn't learn how to live in a different way in a couple of weeks. It takes time, strength, and patience. When he came back home, he was scared. Suddenly, he was facing real life again without the assurance he wouldn't fall off of the wagon. In the real world, though I was always supporting him, he could mostly rely on his will, and James wasn't that confident in himself back then. Thus, he didn't want to come back to the band. Not only did he not know if he could come back without returning to all his bad vices as well as he was unsure he could create music.

Plus, I was pregnant with twins and he wanted to support me, be there for me the entire time. Our girls were born on a rainy day, and James had been the one cutting the chord that united them to me. Lily and Harper became the center of our lives and since then I experienced a different type of unconditional love. They are five years old now and are daddy's little princesses. Three years later, our boy Cliff was born. Unlike his sisters, he was a planned baby. Our house was now always full. There were always the children running around, Disco barking and some tantrums so typical of their age. Cali and Castor spend a lot of time with us, every other week they are staying with us. Our house is full and we love it that way.

My modeling career ended with my pregnancy. I didn't know it at the time. I thought I was just taking a break while being pregnant, but when the girls were born, and with James needing me more than ever, I decided to not go back. I couldn't travel with two babies and I didn't want to. It had been such a long time back then since I wanted to quit that it wasn't even that hard to let go forever. I made a name for myself in the fashion industry. I would forever be a former model. Even now, that I am a doctor in a hospital in San Francisco, I am still known as a model and James's wife. James had been the one planting this seed in me when I was still in New York and I was volunteering at the hospital helping oncological patients. I am now, as it had always been my goal, a doctor in the oncology service.

Today, right on this exact moment, I can say I am a happy woman. I have a job that I love. I have a family that I love and that loves me. Right now, as I am writing this journal to you, James is playing with all five children in the pool. Cali and Castor can swim and our girls are inside a boat that he drags around with one hand while the other arm is holding our two-year-old. He became the father he didn't have. James pays attention to his children. He plays with them and teachs them things. He holds them, kisses them. He gives them love. He is always there for them and for me. We are stronger than ever. More united than ever, and more in love than we were before.

"Lea..." He calls me and I raise my eyes to see what's happening.

"Mommy!" Lily waves with her cute grin.

"Hey!" I greet them and wave back at the children.

"Come here." James asks.

I put my laptop aside and get up, starting to walk nearer the pool. I am careful as I approach it though. I know the kids can be reckless and despite the warm sun, it's not warm enough for a pool swim, at least for me.