The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 47

I woke up with a heavy feeling inside my chest. I just opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, motionless. I was still thinking about the previous night and to an addition to my demons, was that James was leaving that day. I knew that I was going to meet him soon, but the events of the last time we tried to do it haunted my mind again. What if he changed his mind? What if she doesn't let him see the kid? What if she pulls out another trick? There was a huge possibility that she would try to use the kid to make him stay. She had done it once, then why not doing it again? I knew that if James felt she was taking the kid away; he would stay with her. His fears were bigger than him. He wanted to be part of that kid's life badly and I didn't blame him, after all it's his own blood. I was so distracted with the hell inside my mind that I didn't notice he was awake and watching me.

"You look sad." I heard all of a sudden. "What's the matter, babe?" He asked holding my hand in his and placing a kiss on the tip of my fingers.

"You're awake!" I said instead, still surprised.

"And it's been a while." He looked in my eyes. "I was just watching you. Why that sadness?" He asked, pulling me to him.

I snuggled against his chest. I loved to do that, it made me feel so protected, and so safe.

"I'm not sad. I was just thinking about life. Random thoughts" I lied.

"Random thoughts don't cause that look." James insisted "Come on, tell me." He said, stroking my hair. His chin resting on top of my head. His voice soft and sleepy.

"You're leaving today." I started.

"But we're seeing each other again in three weeks." He said right after. "It goes fast..."

"What if something happens?" I told him, turning my doubts to words.

"Nothing is going to happen, Lea." He said so firm. "In three weeks, we're going to be together. It's not like this is 1993 all over again."

"I know... but what if she tries to take the baby away?" I questioned him. "She might do that."

"She won't do that." James told me. "And if she does, I'll do my best to stop her. I'll go to court. I'll do whatever it takes, but I'm not going to let her manipulate me anymore." He turned me around and made me look in his eyes. "I want to be with you. This is our time now. Everything is going to be alright. I promise." I strayed a bit so I could face him better.

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise." He said, kissing my lips softly. "But that wasn't just it right? I know you... there's something else." He said, kissing the tip of my nose then.

"No, that was just it." I told him the truth.

"Leandra don't lie to me. It's the party last night, isn't it?" He figured it out by himself.

I didn't say a word, but I turned my eyes away and James saw it was bothering me.

"Look." He started. "I want this to work. I love you and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to do anything that ruins our relationship and I know that if I cross that line I'll be fucking things up. Even if it's hard, you're gonna have to trust me. I know my background doesn't help much but please... you must trust me." He pleaded.

"It's a bit hard to do so if I walk into a room that's filled with women." I added.

"I know." He agreed. "That was stupid. I don't know whose idea was to take the girls inside. I mean, we don't even have those parties anymore. Since Lars got married and Kirk found Lani, we have been trying to keep it clean. Yesterday, those girls were taken inside... I didn't get it." James sounded honest and he looked in my eyes without even blinking. His voice didn't stutter.