The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 38

"Can I let go now?" He asked after a while.

"Yes." I forced a smile at him, so he wouldn't notice my sadness nor that I didn't want t let go yet. "Let's go to my apartment." I told him, pressing the button of the elevator.

The ride was silent, heavy silent. Somehow, it seemed like we didn't have much to say, but I knew it was right the opposite. We had too many things to say, but we were keeping them locked inside. The silence was only broken when he got inside my apartment. He took a look around and he whistled, showing he was impressed.

"Wow... this is huge." He said still looking around.

"Yeah... too big for me." I said, crashing on the couch.

"You don't sound very enthusiastic" James sat by my side.

It had also taken him poor minutes to realize I wasn't happy, just like I always knew he would.

"That's because I'm not." I couldn't lie to him.

"Aren't you happy for being here?" He asked me again. "What's the matter, Lea?

"Not really, but this is just the beginning... it's because everything is so different. I'll get used to it. I guess it takes some time to get used to this city and I've been working hard, not sleeping much. But tell me about you." I asked him, trying not to talk about me anymore.

"I've been busy." He smiled. "At least, I'm not home..." James breathed in the end. "I've always wanted to be home more and now I am always anxious to be away..."

"And the baby?" I asked him.

A smile formed on his lips and I could see the baby warmed up his heart and I was happy for him. I was truly happy for him on that matter.

"She's fine." He told me. "I can't wait to have her in my arms." James confessed.

"I'm happy for you." That was all I could tell him.

"Skylar told me you're volunteering at the Oncology Center." He asked, changing the subject.

"I am." I smiled, probably for the first time that day. "I love it there. There's a nurse teaching me a few things. It makes me feel more human when I'm there helping people fighting to live. I'm doing something good. You see some painful things in there, but if I can help and bring some comfort to these people, then I feel good at the end of the day." I explained.

"What exactly do you do in there?" He asked interested.

"I guide them to their treatments." I told him. "Sometimes, I keep them company while they're there and talk about random stuff. The nurse is teaching me how to dose the treatments and apply them in the patients. It's very interesting." I said, sounding a bit more excited now.

"You look so thin, Lea." James said apprehensive, while his hand caressed my face.

"I know." I said, putting my gaze on the floor. "I don't have much time to eat."

I didn't want to go into these details with him. I didn't want to explain why I wasn't eating because I didn't want him to feel pressured.

"You must eat, Lea!" He exclaimed, sounding worried. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just a bit stressed." I told him. "Do you know I'm going to be in a Bon Jovi video?" I decided to divert the subject.

He made an ugly face like he was going to puke, making me laugh loud. I think I was laughing loud in my living room for the first time since I was living in New York. He truly meant the world to me.