The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 103

The week passed in a flash. The last thing I remember was being in a plane to Las Vegas with Pep, who was beyond happy when we told him the news, and my parents. I was truly nervous; I have to admit. I even came back to my room earlier when everyone was having a blast in a casino. I left James with my parents and Pep and isolated myself in our suite trying to calm down. I think everyone who is about to get married feels that nervous, right? I have taken a photo of Lil with me to that trip, for somehow I wanted her to be there with me. It would be the most important day of my life, so I needed her presence. Sitting on the bed, I took the photo out of my purse and rested it on the bed and I looked at it. She was so smiley and young and beautiful and had so much to live. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

"My friend, I miss you so much." I whispered to the photo as if she could hear me. "Lil, I wanted you so much to be here. I'm so scared." I said. By then I can safely say that tears were already falling down my face. "I love him so much, you know that, but I am scared... scared of failing again... scared that he ends up giving up on rehab. I'm not gonna take that! I can't go through another break up with him... it would kill me. I wish you could really hear me." I said. "Please Lil, if you're up there, bless my wedding and make everything ok for us."

"Lea..." I heard James calling me quietly and then I felt his hand on my shoulder.

I was so deep into my conversation that I didn't hear him coming in. I looked at him, cleaning my tears and I didn't know how much of my speech he had heard, but it didn't matter. James sat on the bed, and took his hand to my chin, making me look up at his face; I was still kneeled on the floor.

"She can hear you." He told me.

"You think?" I asked.

"I'm sure, babe." He stated. "It's ok to be scared. I am scared shitless ..." He giggled which cause me to giggle too. "I love you much..." He said and then paused. "I think this is what makes this so scary, because we're both afraid of failure. We won't fail this time." James said. "We won't..."

I just placed myself between James's legs and held onto his waist really tight, feeling his hands caressing my head.

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise." He whispered.

I got up to cup his face with my hands and then I just kissed him passionately. I didn't have doubts that I wanted to be married to him. I was just afraid it would fail one more time. It was just that fear and nothing else.

"Is it ok if I want to make love to the bride the night before the wedding?" He asked when we broke the kiss.

I smiled at him and stuck one knee between us, making him lie down on the bed, while I fell on top of him and I started spreading tiny kisses over his face.

"Well, we were not even supposed to sleep together either. So, we're already breaking some rules... who cares if we break one more?" I said in between kisses.

James just rolled on the bed and we switched places, he was on top suddenly, teasing me with kisses all over my neck.

"I can't see anything wrong with that... rules are meant to be broken anyway." He said, making me shiver with his touch under my shirt.

The day after was a nerve wreck. I almost didn't get out of my room and I didn't see anyone apart from James who had lunch with me. At six o' clock, we should leave to the chapel. James got ready in Pep's room, for he was his best man, and I got ready in ours. My mother offered her help, but I told her I could do it by myself. Truth was that I wanted to be alone until it was time to go. So, around five o' clock, I began to get ready. I started with a relaxing bath in the Jacuzzi and I stayed there about 20 minutes just trying to calm down. Then, I got out and moisturized my body with James's favorite lotion and began to get dressed. I had bought a simple white dress and some lace lingerie. I put on light makeup and caught my hair. When I was putting on my sandals, I heard a knock on my door and I went to open it.