The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 83

Some months passed since Lil's death. I missed her deadly, but my life went back to normal as soon as I got back to San Francisco. Dee, Lani, and Sky made a wonderful job cheering me up while James was at the studio. I know now he asked them not to leave me alone when he was gone, but I can't deny their company was important for my recovery. His gesture recued me more than he knows. As the album was almost done, he had to spend more time in the studio and he was absent quite often. He had to catch up with what was missing from his parts while we were away. James was exhausted or he kept telling so, but in the end he did a great job. When the record was done, the covers sounded great. Once again, Metallica had killed it. They were phenomenal.

The listening party happened in New York. They played a small venue for some fans on the day the album was released. The wives and girlfriends were together at the event. We arrived in a limo to a place crowded with journalists. For the first time, I was going to appear in an official Metallica event, and I posed for the cameras together with James. We held hands and smiled. I was almost blinded by the quantity of flashes thrown in our eyes. People yelling at us to look at them. It was a complete insanity. I heard my name being called a thousand times. They were sucking for the perfect photograph. Even during the concert, we were standing on one side of the stage watching the gig, many pictures were taken. The ring in my finger was also noticed. So, besides the new album, my engagement made a couple of headlines too. There were even close ups of my finger and James's ring too, as I gave it to him when we came back from Barcelona much to his surprise. Still, he was delighted with my present, and just like me, he used to take it off to sleep, but he never left the house without it. Sometimes, small gestures show us how much the other care. He cared.

Our wedding was taking form. I had chosen the dress and the shoes. I had also chosen my lingerie. James also took a day off to look for his suit too. The reception and the ceremony were both at the same place. We opted for round tables and we've chosen the invitations cards as well. It happened on one night around 2 am when James came back from the studio, you can imagine how crazy our time was.

My medical studying had also begun. At first it was just a small preparation. The real course would begin in mid-October. Until then, it was just small lessons to show us a bit of what the course was going to be. To make us familiar with the subjects with the proper language and terms. I already made some friends in college. Not many but a small group that I got closer to. I had classes early in the morning, and it finished around lunch time, though the schedule would be tougher once it started for real.

I had some fashion shows in Los Angeles for some important designers. I also signed a contract for another season at Victoria's Secret, and Donna Karen hired me for a commercial. I had to miss college for a couple of days but I knew that had to happen somehow. I decided to keep on modeling for a little longer. I've talked to James about it, as I knew then that it bothered him, but we agreed that I was too young to quit. Anyway, I planned to slow down a bit because I wanted to take college seriously. I would work, but on a relaxed scale.

Gary was in a Psychiatric Hospital by then. He attempted suicide twice after Lil's death. I went a few days to London to see him, but he was completely inanimate. We talked to him but we didn't get any reaction. Rita, the baby, was staying with his sister. I spent 5 days with him trying to make him feel better in vain. During these days, I didn't hear his voice not even to say hello. In fact, I'm not even sure if he recognized me or if he could hear me. I feared for him. I came back home disappointed and sad. Gary was alive but definitely not living in this world and it broke my heart.

With the album out, Metallica went on tour. They stayed away for a whole month. James asked me if I wanted to go with him, but since school was starting and I had my own work to cope with, I had to refuse. The others stayed home too. I've met him a couple of times though, as I flew to meet him in Chicago and in Seattle. He came home when they played in Los Angeles, but that was about it. We talked a lot on the phone, and I can say I missed him a whole bunch. San Francisco was kind of sad without him here, but I knew sooner or later it had to happen. Metallica had to go on tour and we had to be apart.