The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 71

James came back home late at night. I looked at the clock before he got in the bedroom and it read 3 am. I was afraid of the condition he would get in the room, so I just pretended I was sleeping. Besides, I didn't want to talk to him. Not yet anyway. I was still hurt with his words. Thought I knew he was also hurt with my decision. He got in peacefully. I could tell by his steps that he was not drunk. At least that. He didn't turn on any light, but I felt him sit on his side of the bed taking his clothes off. Then, he went to the bathroom and came back a couple of minutes later. He got in the bed, and I felt him turning to me. I didn't move though.

I could feel he was really close, because I was feeling him breathing on the back of my neck. Then, I felt him running his fingers through my hair softly. It took all my self-control not to caress him back, but I guess he didn't want that. He didn't want me to know he was doing so. Then, he just turned around. James fell asleep faster than I did.

I woke up in the morning around 10.30. He was already having a shower, so I got up and put on my robe, and went to the kitchen to make us breakfast. I was starving and I could bet he was too. I felt his presence in the kitchen half an hour later and I got a little nervous because I didn't know if I should say something or wait for him to say it. He mumbled a good morning though and sat on the table. I didn't say anything as I noticed he didn't even dare to come close to me. I stayed put. I ate with him but in absolute silence. He barely looked at my face. Disco was also quieter than usual, going around between James and me. I guess he felt something was wrong. Usually, our mornings were noisier. James finished his breakfast quickly and went upstairs. He came back a couple of minutes later with a sweater in his hands. He peeked at the kitchen's door before he left though.

"I... hum..." He mumbled again. "I'm going to the studio." I looked at him there.

"James..." I tried to talk to him, but he raised a hand immediately to make me stop.

"I don't wanna talk, Lea." He said.

"But we need to talk." I tried.

"I need to go." James was adamant.

"Ok." I answered and then returned to my task.

"See you later." He said in a low tone, not even kissing me goodbye.

He just turned his back at me and I heard the door closing a few seconds later. Disco was looking at me, wagging is tail slowly like asking me what was going on. I tapped his head and put his paws on my lap. I tapped his fury head while he looked at me with his vivid eyes.

"I fucked up badly, buddy." I talked to him. Disco barked, making me smile. "Wanna go for a walk?" Disco ran to the door immediately. "I have to take a shower and get dressed first!" I told him, as if he could understand me.

I went to the balcony of our bedroom to see how the weather was. Our balcony had a view over the beach. I took a deep breath to feel the scent of the sea. The day was warm again. The sun was shining and the sky was as blue as it can be. So, I came back inside and chose my miss sixty grey jeans and a white tank top with the collar in form of a V. A pair of white flip flops and then I went to the shower. I opened the cold water and got myself under it, like punishing myself for angering James. I took a deep breath when it first hit me, but then the temperature of my body got used to it. I needed this cold shower to ease my pain too. It was not easy for me to know all that had been provoked by my job. By my inability to refuse something. The last thing I wanted to do was hurting James. He was the most important thing in my life and I felt like I had fucked up with him terribly bad. After finishing my shower, I got dressed and went downstairs. Disco ran to the door of the kitchen again, but I just picked his leash and called him.