The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 72

Thursday passed and James didn't call or texted or anything. I knew he said he wouldn't be able to do it, but I hoped, deep inside, that he'd find a way to do it anyway. I missed him and he didn't leave on good terms. I looked at my cell every second like I was an insane person. I was going insane for moments. I had some lunatic moments, I admit. I cried every other hour and I looked horrible because of it, obviously. My eyes were swollen and a bit bloodshot because of the crying and also I had two dark shadows under my eyes because of the poor sleeping time. I wasn't able to sleep properly. For someone who was going to work and needed her face to be rested, I was just the opposite of that. Then again, makeup would hide any trace of imperfection I'd have in my face. That's how it goes. Artistic makeup can make a dead body look alive. Don't ever doubt that.

On Friday, I had to leave in the morning. I asked Lani to come over to feed Disco, but she decided it was better if she'd take him to her house. I knew Disco would feel too lonely if he just stayed there all alone for he was too used to have James and me around. One of the two was always there with him, so I agreed with her.

"Have a good flight." She said.

"Thanks." I said, feeling a bit numb.

"Lea, he's just hunting." Lani patted my arm, seeing that I was hurting. "He is calming down. You'll see him on Sunday. The two of you are gonna be missing each other like crazy and everything will be fine." She added in the end and that made me smile.

I was already missing him like crazy.

"I just can't forgive myself for hurting him..." I told her, shaking my head softly. "...honestly... I feel like I let someone else dictate a rule for me and that rule just freaking targeted the person I love the most. This is the second day I haven't seen him or talked to him. It's agonizing, I just want him to come home and tell him how much I love him."

"And you can do that on Sunday." She said, smiling.

"Yeah..." I nodded completely resigned to the fact that there was nothing else I could do.

Lani took me to the airport. I was flying in a private jet and she took me there so I didn't have to leave my car parked for three entire days at the aerodrome.

"Well, thanks for taking care of the dog." I told her.

"You relax. He's fine and you're gonna be fine too." She said, holding me.

"I hope so."

The jet took off a couple of minutes after I got in. I watched San Francisco disappearing while I climbed to the sky. I truly didn't feel like going to New York at all. I hadn't come back there since I left the city and I wasn't looking forward to be there again. Memories of how unhappy I felt in there came to my mind which caused even more distress. San Francisco was home. It was where I had everything: my boyfriend, my house, my friends, my dog, my life. I loved the city. I had adapted quite fast. Obviously, having James with me was the biggest help for this adaptation, but that town was in so many ways cozy and more similar to a European city. I was closer to my culture in there.

After six hours flying, I landed in New York. The sun was shining in the big apple, but there was a cold breeze floating in the air. I put on my coat as I left the plane. Claire had sent a car to pick me up and I got in it to drive me to the agency. I took my phone out of my purse and turned it on. I waited a few seconds until I got the signal, and then I waited a few seconds more to see if James had tried to reach me.

"God, he said he wouldn't, stop being silly." I mumbled to myself seeing I got nothing, and then I just concentrated on the view. Still, tears floated in my eyes.

Watching the streets, I realized I hadn't missed New York. Not even a bit. When Lil was living there I had thought about coming back to visit her, but since she moved back to London I had nothing that I could relate myself to in there. It was an amazing city, and beautiful, still I wasn't attached to it at all. Claire received me with her arms wide opened and her cynical smile. My stomach churned.