The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 45

I stayed still like frozen looking at him. I didn't move or try to say anything. I just stared at him a bit confused and also shocked. I wasn't expecting him to make that decision, so I was completely taken by surprise. A huge surprise. Seeing I was not reacting, James crouched in front of me. My head followed him down always making eye contact with him, and he grabbed my hands in his, looking deeply in my eyes. My heart racing and racing...

"Lea... it's OUR now or never." He said. "You're right!" James paused there "I don't want you to live love with anyone else but me. So, what do you say? Will you jump on board and set sail to the sea with me?" I couldn't avoid smiling at his last sentence and he smiled back at me.

"Is this the now or never Lil was talking about?" I asked and he just nodded.

I said nothing more. I didn't need to say anything. So, I leaned over him and kissed his lips. As a reaction to my gesture, James smiled against my lips knowingly and I kissed him again.

"Is this a yes?" He said not breaking the contact and without saying a word, I kissed him one more time, this time pulling him down on me as I laid back on the deck chair, making him fall on top of me.

"I guess this is definitely a yes." He said kissing my neck gently. I took his face in my hands and made him look at me.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Do you realize I'm gonna leave my life behind because of you?" I asked him.

"I'm sure." He nodded "And you don't have to leave your life... you can fly whenever you have to work. You're just going to live in a different city, much nicer than this one I must say." James said.

"You can see your daughter whenever you want. I hope you realize that and follow her growing, be a part of her life." I said stroking his hair. "It's not abandoning her."

"I hope Francesca allows me do that. I have to talk to her." He feared her reaction. I could see that. Francesca had a big weapon in her hands.

"Take your time." I told him. "I have the next weeks filled with work. You can talk to her when you go back. Just try to be nice to her, I mean she's pregnant."

"I will be patient." He assured me. "Meanwhile, I'll try to find a place for us. I can go back to my old apartment while looking for it. I'm gonna leave the house to her, it has a nice garden for the kid. I want to give my daughter all comfort."

"Do that." I agreed. "Well, if you still have your apartment then we already have a place to live."

"No... I want something nicer to us. I'll take a look and then we'll decide it together. We can stay there until we find the right place." He said planting a kiss on my lips and then sliding his hands under the shirt of my pajama.

I sighed when he reached my breasts, and his thumbs played with my nipples.

"We're in the balcony" I whispered.

"So what? No one can see us." He said biting my ear.

"Oh... James..." I whispered feeling turned on.

I pulled the blanket up to cover us and laid back on the chaise. James lied on top of me. Disappearing under the cover, he lifted my shirt until my breasts were showing and kissed them. His tongue circling my nipples, making me pant as my desire for him grew. He went down and pulled my pants off my legs and I parted them gently as he inserted a finger in me, pulling in and out making me groan a bit louder. He withdrew the finger a while after and I felt his tongue on my intimate parts. I arched my body as his warm breath, tongue and lips were taking me to another dimension, finally spiting his name as I reached the top of my pleasure. After, James made his way up kissing every inch of my skin until he finally reached my mouth.

"I love it when you gasp my name like that." He said visibly aroused.

"Time to switch places" I said sliding from underneath him and giving him my place on the chaise.

He laid down and I put the blanket over us again and kissed my way down. I caressed his bulge and I felt him shudder. I unbuttoned the jeans and pulled it down a bit, and did the same to his boxers, and I grabbed him in my hand and stroked him gently. I heard his breathing going faster when I licked him with the tip of my tongue and when I took him in my mouth he just moaned my name in a very unnoticed way. I pleasured him like that until I felt his hand pulling me up.

"You have no idea how I love to hear you breathing that way." I said, making my way up and kissing him. James smiled.

"You're becoming very naughty miss." He said, biting my bottom lip gently and I sat on his erection sliding him inside me slowly.

"Humm..." He said. "It feels so good." His hands running down over my back.

I swallowed his next moan with a kiss. James approached his lips to my ear and spoke against it. His lips brushing it while he talked.

"You like to hear me breathing like this?" He asked.

Then, he stopped talking so I could hear him gasping in my ear and it was with James gasping almost out of control in my ear that my orgasm hit me one more time. I felt him tensing up right after so I moved faster until I felt him release inside me. After, we stayed in the balcony a little longer, cuddling and talking... making plans...

"Aren't you going to the hospital tomorrow?" He asked me.

"No, tomorrow I'm gonna stay home in the morning cause I have to shoot some photos during the afternoon and the day after tomorrow I have a fashion show for Calvin Klein at night." I told him.

"Oh... so you won't be able to go to our gig?" He asked.

"I guess not. Maybe I'll be able to catch the final part. I don't know."

"I'd like to see your fashion show." James complained.

"Wow... James Hetfield at a fashion show." I laughed.

"What? I've been to one, remember? I even clapped! I want to be part of your life too. It's not just you coming to my shows, seeing our band, and living my success. I want to live your success too and be proud when you walk on the catwalk." He smiled.

"That's very sweet but we can't be seen together as a couple yet. Not at least until you talk things out with your...hum...with Francesca." I hesitated at the end, not knowing exactly how to address her.

"You're right. We'll have time. This arrangement was such a mistake..." James kissed my lips.

"I thought I could endure it." I said, caressing his face. "But I can't, James. I love you too much to even cope with the idea... I am sorry."

"Hey..." He whispered, pinching my nose lightly. "You don't need to be sorry, babe. I also can't endure it. I think about you the entire time."

"I am unhappy without you." I told him the naked truth. "I am, James..."

"We are going to be fine." He pecked me and I nodded after, offering a smile.

"Now, we better go to bed. It's too late." I said, tapping his shoulder.

"Yeah..." He agreed.

James fell asleep first. I was happy he asked me to go with him. It was true. I could still work. I didn't want to stop, at least not just yet. I was just sad I was going to leave Lil and the hospital but I planned to find a new one and I was sure Sky would help me with that as she worked at St. Mary's Hospital in San Francisco. I was also still worried about the drinking. It wasn't a problem that just would just disappear. It was going to haunt us and James refused to see he needed help. Obviously, women were another problem but I expected that one to be easier to control.

I was so wrong... Nothing could be controlled. Nothing... it was a spiral...