The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 86

The next day, I woke up soon. In fact, I had a terrible night sleep. I fought with James when we got home, though it was obviously useless as he didn't hear any of the words I told him. He finished the night loaded and spent most of his time drinking with Pepper. It was my birthday party... and he disregarded it drink with Pepper. I was mad and most of all, so sad. It was so hard for me to watch him destroy himself and not being able to help him. He didn't want to be helped most of all. Otherwise, I would be there for him. He just had to tell me when and where. We were definitely going to have a hard time in front of us. I just didn't know for how long I could take it, and that was my fear. I feared I couldn't take it for it was much harder than I could ever imagine. I rolled out of bed to shake these thoughts away. I showered and got dressed and I went downstairs. Disco came wagging his tail as he felt me going down the stairs. I cupped his head in my hands when he got near me and tapped him. He licked my hand as much as he could. Our dog was very sweet and tender.

"That's enough. " I said, getting up.

I washed my hands and started making breakfast. I fed the dog while I waited for the toasts and the coffee to be ready. I smiled watching him devouring his food, waking up from my trance when the toaster popped up. I buttered the bread and poured a cup of coffee, sitting at the kitchen's table eating. Disco sat by my side waiting for my food.

"Hey, you already had yours!" I told him, but he kept on wagging his tail waiting for something.

I gave him a bit of my toasts making him a happier dog. Once I was finished I took the dishes to the dishwasher and called Disco.

"Disco, wanna go for a walk?" I asked him. He run to the door waiting and wagging his tail franticly. "Yeah, I thought so buddy." I told him while tapping his back.

As I opened the door, he started running to the shore, as he always used to do. I followed him walking slowly, and again I started thinking about the events on the previous night, and the hard times we had before he went on tour. We definitely had so many good moments in our relationship, but his alcoholism was a very hard thing to deal with. I was sad he hadn't controlled himself, but then I knew how hard it was for him to control it. I stayed with Disco at the beach for a while. He was running all around like crazy. I didn't know how he could have so much energy, and when he finally subsided to fatigue, laying on the sand I called him up, so I also could go back inside the house. The day was a bit like I was that day, gray, moody, with no sunlight to warm me up.

When I opened the kitchen's door, I saw James leaning against the counter. He was pouring a cup of coffee, but I didn't talk to him. I passed by him on my way to the library without even saying good morning. I felt his eyes following me as I passed by, but I just ignored him, and closed the door shut. I sat at my desk and logged in to the computer. Working and studying a bit would keep me entertained for a while. He didn't come looking for me until lunch time. There, he knocked at the library's door before he opened it.

"I'm going out for lunch with Jim, and then I'm gonna see Cali." He said, sitting on the chair that was in front of my desk.

"Ok." I told him looking at my screen pretending I was reading.

"I probably gonna be home just around dinner time, hope you don't mind." He continued.

"No, it's ok. I won't be here." I said, this time I looked straight in his face.

"Where are you going?" He asked surprised.

"I'm going to see Machine Head live." I said.

"With whom? How come you haven't told me this before?" He was raising his tone.

"With my group from college, Spencer got us passes." I explained.

"Oooh..." He said getting up and then turning to me giving me a sarcastic smile. "You're going out with Howard." He said.