The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 107

So, Winter became Spring as time went by. We were then in mid-June and my third year of college was almost over. James's exams came all negative for sexual diseases, which put my mind and heart to rest, but he was still waiting for the final call. It had been almost a year since his first visit to the center.

In May, while I had some fashion shows in New York, James took a break of the recording and went to Russia on a hunting trip. Everything went down the drain with that trip. He picked up some bad habits and, unfortunately, those continued at home. Our fights became stronger and regular because his behavior was outrageous. He was cranky most of the time. Back then, more than ever he needed rehab and I could only hope they'd call him soon enough because I was running out of patience and I would kick him out of the house. I confess the thought crossed my mind several times. I didn't want wanted to leave him, and I loved him. It was just a matter of patience... when he was sober, we were fine.

Metallica started recording their new album in April. They rented a pavilion in Presidio and there was a camera crew filming it. That was one of the reasons why I didn't show up much in there because I didn't want be on TV, and whenever I had to go there James asked to turn the cameras off. Every time that happened, there was a weird environment and I totally get it. James was not as inspired as he wanted to be or as they wanted him to, plus they changed the way they usually made things. I was not sure at the time if he was entirely comfortable with that. Bob Rock was producing the album, once again, and he was also playing bass on it. This innovation in the way they started recording was his idea. Sometimes I think he got too involved, but I kept my opinions to myself. The last thing the band needed was another person getting in the middle of their affairs. They had so many issues to work on that I didn't know what to expect from the new album. Most of the times, James came home exhausted and not sure of what had been done. Most of the times he had had a fight with Lars and that distressed him even more.

One night he came home completely pissed off, since they had been recording that it was rare for us to have dinner together, or sometimes to see each other at all, as when I'd leave he'd be sleeping and when he'd arrive home it was too late and I was sleeping. This aspect was also making us both cranky. The schedules were beyond crazy and we didn't have time to be together. So, to sum things up we are both exhausted.

Anyway, that night when he came back home, he was a bit drunk, and angry. He woke me up at 2 am saying he really needed to talk. I could barely hear him because I was so sleepy but I made the effort. The only thing I got is that he had a terrible fight with Lars, and that he left, leaving the rest of the guys hanging in the studio. I honestly didn't know what to tell him, so I just asked him to lie down and sleep. Maybe he tried to have sex with me, for I remember him snuggling up with me and kissing my shoulder saying he was missing me, but I just passed out. I had been feeling really tired at the time and I was always sleepy.

The next morning...

"I'm so sorry I couldn't talk last night." I told him when I saw him joining me in the kitchen. I was getting ready to go to college.

"It's ok... it was really late." He said, grabbing some plates and cups for us and putting it on the table.

"So, what was the fight about?" I asked him, taking the food to the table.

"So stupid." He said, shaking his head. "About a song. He said it was good and I said it was terrible. We ended up pulling such a fight, and the cameras were shooting... I ended up slamming the door on their face." He explained.

"Those cameras are getting on your nerves too right?" I asked and James nodded.

"I hate to have them around following our steps. Then, I feel like I'm losing my grip most of the times. I don't feel inspired. I miss you. I don't have time to be with you because I have to spend my time closed in the studio."