5SOS PREFERENCES ( DISCONTINUED )

#102: Everything I Didn't Say - 5SOS (His POV)

you guys should expect more song preferences soon 8)

Ashton: "I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn't, shown you what you're really worth,"

If only I could turn back time, if only I could stop the clock right now and go back to the very start. I would give up anything just to rewind and set things right, I would have done everything to have made her stay with me. I admit that it was my fault, I admit that it was me who didn't even work to keep the relationship alive. I've always thought that she would be there for me no matter what, and she wouldn't ever leave my side - I was so sure that she wouldn't, as she promised me that she would never leave. But then again, I was the reason why she left in the first place after all. I was a shit boyfriend to her, I took advantage of her presence every fucking time and now look what I've brought onto myself. I drove the best thing that's ever happened to me away, simply because I never appreciated her. I never once thought that she would leave me, and when she told me that she's had enough of me blowing her off, she left. She left, just like that - she left my life, and she left me broken. I guess it's true what they say when you have to learn to appreciate what you have before it's gone - but I was too late to realize that she was the best thing that's happened to me all my life. I wish that I could rewind, I wish that I could go back to the very start and actually show her what she's worth. I wish that I could rewind and made her stay, I wish that I made her happy and I wish that I made her feel like she was loved. "I miss you," I choked out a sob when my eyes landed on an old polaroid of the two of us kissing, that was our honeymoon phase and it felt like it was ages ago. A tear escaped my eye and landed on the photograph, pain seeping in through my body, the familiar aching of my chest making an appearance. I missed her, but she was happy now. She has someone else to make her feel loved and appreciated, she has someone that isn't me and she deserves that. I just want her to be happy, even if it meant that her happiness meant me suffering.

Michael: "I wish I could of made you stay, and I'm the only one to blame. I know that it's a little too late, this is everything I didn't say,"

I was never really good with words, I was a guy and expressing how I felt about things wasn't exactly easy for me. I didn't even know how to start this, but I guess I had to man up and just wing it. Picking up the pen beside me, I began to scribble down just how I felt about this entire thing. I needed to tell her just how much I regret not telling her everything I wanted to say when we were still together. It's been months and I was still in love with her, I know that getting another chance was a long-shot but I had to try. If it doesn't work out anyways, at least I got to tell her how I felt. "Dear Y/N," was the first thing I wrote on the very top of the piece of paper I've prepared. I took a deep breath, recalling every single thing I've wanted to tell her since the day I met her. "How have you been? It's been a long time since I last saw your face, or heard your voice. I know you might find it hard to believe, but I still feel something for you and I just couldn't shake it off, I miss you so bad." I cleared my throat, deciding to continue on even though I felt a little unsure of where this was going. "So, I'm writing this to you because I wanted to tell you my side of the story - you were always so open to me, you always told me how you felt about everything and it's time that I did the same, even if it has been a few months late. Please don't laugh, I'm trying my best here." I exhaled, trying not to focus on the pounding of my heart against my chest. "The first time I ever saw you, I thought that you looked weird in that shirt and I didn't like how you pulled your hair up into a high ponytail - it made you look like a little kid. But somehow, I kinda liked how you looked that very first day. I'm not sure how we got to know each other, but I'm really glad we became friends." I remembered every memory we shared and every little thing about her, and I realized just how much I missed them. I missed her. "But then, something changed and we fell for each other somehow. I don't even regret ever falling for you, that was the best decision I've ever made," I paused, feeling the tears build up. "I'm sorry for everything that went wrong, I'm so sorry for not giving you the time of day, it was all my fault. You were never the one at fault, I'm the only one to blame." The tears finally slid down my cheek, and fell onto the letter I was trying to write. "I love you, always have and always will. I know that it's a little too late, but this is everything I didn't say."

Calum: "Wake me up now, and tell me this is all a bad dream, all the songs that I wrote, all the wrongs that I hoped would erase from your memory,"

My fingers lightly trailed onto the piece of paper that I tried to bury underneath all the new songs I've written so far, I've tried my very best to hide this song - no, these songs, away from myself because I knew that seeing them again would only bring me heartache. I knew that digging these up again wouldn't do me any good, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself from missing her, and these were the only physical remainders of my time with her. I held the pieces of papers tightly, clutching it against my chest as I felt the heaviness inside my chest. These were all of the songs I've written for her and about her, I've written about her almost every single day. For a time, all the songs I've written for so long were about her - her smile, her eyes, her hair, her laugh, just her. I couldn't see anything else other than her, and my world revolved completely around her. Both of us were happy for a while, but all of those happy days went down the drain the day we started fighting. I was too selfish, I always did whatever I pleased and I never thought about the consequences. I only thought about myself during that time, and even if I did love her, I didn't care if she got hurt in the process. All I wanted was to please myself, and I made so many reckless mistakes that just caused her pain. She couldn't handle that anymore, so she just left me like that. I still had so many words I wanted to say, I wanted to tell her how much I regret every wrong thing I did and I wanted to tell her just how much she meant to me. I tried to tell her, but she just wouldn't have any of that. I didn't bother trying anymore, she was happy with someone else and she deserved that kind of happiness. Sometimes, I want her to wake me up in the middle of the night, holding me and telling me that all of that was just a bad dream, and she'd try to lull me back to sleep by humming in my ear. But no, this wasn't just a bad dream - this was a nightmare, and this was reality. I had to face this head-on, and I shouldn't dwell on my mistakes in the past. But honestly, the only thing I want is for her to forget me completely. I know that she hasn't completely forgotten, and it was stopping her from being happy. I wanted her to forget, I wanted her to forget about me and about us. And I wanted to forget about us as well, so that I could finally move on and become happy myself. But I knew that wasn't possible.

Luke: "Holding onto a broken and empty heart, flowers I should've bought, all the hours I lost. Wish I could bring it back to the start,"

Losing her was the worst thing that's happened to me. Losing her also meant losing myself, losing my sanity and losing my heart. I wished that I showed her just how much she meant to me more, I couldn't do much because of all the touring I had to do, and when I was back home, I would spend time with family and just sleep. She was very upset about that, but she understood why so she just let me be. But a few more times of that was enough, I knew that what I was doing wasn't fair to her and I was being selfish, so she had enough of my shit and soon enough, she called me up to tell me that she was tired of trying anymore. She broke up with me over the phone - it was harsh, but it was the only way she could get her hands on me while I was touring Europe with One Direction. I was a wreck for about a week, the lads did their best to try and cheer me up but they knew that nothing could heal a broken heart. I couldn't feel anything for an entire week, I felt numb and empty inside, like there was a hollow part in my chest where my heart used to be. I do regret not appreciating her, showing her how much she mattered and I often forgot to tell her those three little words I used to tell her everyday. I wished that I could just rewind back to the very start, if I was given a chance to make it right, I would buy her flowers and chocolates and take her out, showing her to the rest of the world. I just wished that I was given another chance, it was all I ever wanted.