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#91: You're scared to fall in love

if you haven't checked out my luke fanfic called amnesia, you're missing out!! not really but pl s

oh also this was kinda shit im so sorry, i think im losing my touch and stuff, im just too uninspired nowadays 8(

Ashton: You've always had this fear of falling in love, not because you were afraid of getting heartbroken. You've been heartbroken a few times before, and you were already used to so much pain. Pain was inevitable after all, you had to get hurt in order to know that you're alive. Pain makes you feel alive, and no matter what happens, there would come a time when you would get hurt either physically or emotionally. Your fear of falling in love came from the fear of people leaving you for someone much better than you were. You have had this fear since you were a small child, as a result of your parents' divorce because apparently, your father left your mother because he found someone better than her, leaving mother wrecked and absolutely heartbroken. You swore that you wouldn't ever fall for a boy who would make you feel like complete shit, like you were never gonna meet his standards or like you would never be good enough for him at all. You were not gonna let a boy walk all over you, just because you cared a whole lot more about his feelings for you than your own dignity. You've been keeping your guard up around boys ever since, only opening yourself up for a select few number of boys. There were only a handful of boys that managed to sneak their way around the walls surrounding your heart, and once they were close enough to completely breaking your walls down, you would just shut them out. You don't really mean to shut them out, but it was kind of a defence mechanism your heart has developed so you wouldn't end up getting hurt when you let them inside your heart. But there was only one boy who's managed to see the darkest parts of your heart - all of the ugliness you've been hiding in that, he's already seen that and you were frankly okay with it. He was the first person who ever made you believe in love, and he was the person who got rid of your fear of love. He was the first person you ever fell in love with, and his name was Ashton Irwin. Ashton was this big ball of sunshine that would radiate his light onto every single person in the room, he was always happy for some reason and he was a caring person in general, he broke down the walls in your heart and you let him in, which you thought was a huge mistake at first. But you learned that you had to stop shutting everyone out, not everyone would leave you for someone better, and Ashton proved that to you. He made you fall so in love with him, and he has always been there for you, not searching for someone who was better than you. Because for him, you were already more than enough and that was enough for you.

Michael: In this world, there is always something everyone is afraid of. We may not be afraid of the same things, because there are various things that could scare each individual. May it be heights, closed spaces, the darkness, snakes, blood - everyone is afraid of something. You developed a different fear from most people, but there were still so many people who were afraid of what you were afraid of. You weren't afraid of spiders or any of the sort, but rather an emotion that you could not prevent. You were afraid of falling in love, not simply because you were afraid of heartache. You were afraid of giving someone everything, because when someone loves, they tend to give up every single thing just for their significant other. Some people would lose their virginities to the person they loved, some would lose their first kisses and some would lose material objects for the sake of love, even. In some cases, some might even lose their own lives for someone, who might not even care about them in the slightest. It was so hard finding something genuine these days, because everyone in this generation knew to fake emotions and fake smiles, just to get what they wanted. You can't really trust anyone who tells you that they care, or if they loved you, because there was a chance that they didn't mean it and they were after something else, something they wished to gain from you. It's up to you to trust their words and their actions, because they would strike the moment you let your walls down. You would end up regretting ever letting them in, because they would steal anything they wished from you and the worst part was that because you loved them, you couldn't hate them for what they did to you. You would get mad, but you would still care because of the attachment you had to the person. You swore that you would never let anyone in, but there was a certain boy who came rushing in and the next thing you knew, you were letting your guards down and you actually fell in love with him. You didn't even know what came over you one day, he just came into your life and then the next moment, he was already stealing your heart. You would forever curse him, his beautiful jade eyes, his plump and pink lips, his outrageous hair that would change color every few months. You hated everything about Michael Clifford, but at the same time, you loved him to death. He may have stolen your heart, but he never took advantage of you or your love. He showed you that love still truly exists in a world of negativity and pretending, he was the one who showed you that he loved you. And you don't regret falling in love with him at all.

Calum: You were never the kind of girl who would willingly enter a relationship with a boy, you were the kind of girl who just go out on casual dates, maybe even kiss without having any strings attached at all. You didn't do this just because you were afraid of commitment, you definitely didn't have a fear of being committed to someone for an amount of time, because you actually do like commitment. It means that you promise to be with someone until the day you stop loving them, you've always secretly wanted to commit to someone but there was one problem you still needed to face. You had this fear of getting attached, because there was also a chance that they will leave once they're finally tired of you. You didn't want to be left alone, and you didn't really like the idea of getting hurt because of an attachment, so you never let yourself grow too attached to any of the boys you've hooked up with. You never cared for any of them at all, you never thought that you actually really like them, you were just attracted to their appearances and that's what brought you to hook up with them. You didn't like how there was a chance that you're hurting them instead, but you had to do it to protect yourself, you just couldn't risk getting heartbroken over someone you got attached to, knowing they would leave you someday. "Come here," His raspy voice says in your ear, tugging you until his lips came in contact with yours. You could feel the butterflies erupt in your stomach, which was something you weren't really familiar with. Of all the guys you've ever been with, he was the only person who's made you feel something like this, and this actually scared you. He was also the only guy who ever showed you that he cared, he really truly cared about you and your wellbeing. You were starting to grow terrified of him, of the way he might suddenly just walk out of your life tomorrow, or whenever he wanted. The thought of him leaving you was something you couldn't handle, and this was what you never wanted to feel in the first place. But no matter what you did to try and stop it, he would find a way to make you break your walls down, and you would somehow let him inside your heart freely. You pulled away from him, breathing heavily as he rested his sweaty forehead against yours. "It started out just harmless fun," he huffed. "Now you've got me thinking you're the one."

Luke: You absolutely feared falling in love, you swore that you wouldn't ever fall for anyone ever again - not after what happened the first time you fell in love. You fell in love with a boy, who didn't have any good qualities about him at all. He was a bad boy, he had a reputation of breaking hearts, but you liked to think that you were going to be the girl to change him. You had hoped that he would love you just the way you loved him, but you were let down when he told you that he didn't want a clingy and annoying girl following him around every time. You took the risk of falling for a dick like him, and then you became broken soon afterwards with no one there to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart. The only person who was there for you was your best friend, he was always there to hold you when you needed a hug and he was there to listen to all your problems, he was the only one who was ever there for you. You had him to thank, because he was the one who picked you up and pieced you back together, and you were finally okay again after a long time. Three years after you got your heart broken for the first time, and you found yourself falling in love with someone you never expected - the same boy who had fixed you when your heart got broken. You don't even know how this happened, but you were having mixed feelings about this, as you didn't need your heart broken all over again. And this time, you were sure that no one would be there to pick up the pieces for you, because you were falling for the one who did that the last time. You didn't want to take the risk of completely falling in love with Luke, but you can't stop the feelings that were growing inside of you day by day. You lifted your head, glancing at the blonde haired boy who was taking a bite out of his sandwich, looking up at you with those big blue eyes that you're already used to seeing. He continues chewing on his food, shooting you a closed mouth smile that was too adorable. You mentally groaned when you realized that you thought that he even looked cute eating, and that's how you knew that you were absolutely fucked. You were falling so fast for this boy and you didn't even know what to do about it. There were two things you could do - it was either let yourself fall, risking the pain of getting heartbroken all over again, or try to stop yourself from falling by distracting yourself from your feelings. You wanted to choose the second option, but you knew that you were already in too deep and it was going to be impossible to get out. You rubbed your face with your hands, letting out a little sound, "I'm so gonna regret this."