5SOS PREFERENCES ( DISCONTINUED )

#47: Happily - 1D

Ashton: "You don't understand, you don't understand, what you do to me when you hold his hand"

I watched as he takes her hand in his, her small hand being held in his huge ones. I could feel that familiar pang in my chest, and I wanted to look away. But I couldn't - my gaze was glued to them, and I couldn't understand why she couldn't just leave him. The two of us were together once upon a time, and I messed up in our relationship for a little bit, which is the reason why we broke up. She then found comfort in a boy, and this same boy is her current boyfriend, the one she's holding hands with right now. She thought she loved him, but it was only just admiration and infatuation for being there for her when she was down and needed someone. But she couldn't just turn her back on him, he was in love with her and helped her get through a few of the darkest days of her life so far. "I still love you, I wanna leave him, I wanna be yours again, but I just can't hurt him. He loves me," I remembered her words a few hours before this moment - we were talking at Starbucks, about basically everything. She's been sending me mixed signals these past few weeks and we're here to talk about us, to clear things up about us. I was surprised to hear those words roll off her tongue, I didn't realize she still loved me even after all this time. "You can't hurt him but it's alright to get yourself hurt by being with someone you don't love?" I asked with a frown, and she exhales, knitting her eyebrows together. "You can't hurt him but you can hurt me? Everytime I see you with him, it kills me. It kills me to know that we still love each other but we couldn't be together," I continued, feeling the pain of not being with her. Something felt really heavy in my chest, and seeing the glistening tears in her eyes made it worse. "I'm sorry Ash. I want to get back with you, but I can't now because-" "Because of him? I'm sure he'd understand if you just-" "He was the one who glued me back together when I was broken Ash! I can't just leave him because he was there when you weren't!" She yelled, standing up with angry and pained tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just want you back and I love you,"  I said, standing up and immediately making my way to her and pulling her in my arms. She began to sob into my chest, wrapping her arms around me. I missed holding her in my arms like this, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I needed her back, I wanted her back. She was and still is everything to me, but I messed up big time. She pulled away a few seconds later, wiping her tear-stained cheeks with a small smile. "He's waiting for me. I have to go, but always know that you're the one I still love," I blinked upon remembering the memory and ran  my fingers through my hair. I watched as she turned around and give me a sad smile, mouthing, "I love you, I'm sorry," before they disappeared as they turned in a corner.

Michael: "I don't care what people say when we're together. You know I wanna be the one who hold you when you sleep"

"You've been acting distant to me lately, is something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Do you not love me anymore?" I asked her, sadness evident in my words. She sighed, "It's not that, Michael. You know how I love you so freaking much, and I wouldn't ever stop loving you because you are the one for me, and always will be. It's just that..." she trailed off, leaving me silent, waiting for her to continue. "I'm scared. I'm not scared of loving you, I'm scared of the consequences when the people find out that we're together," she says, a hint of sadness could be heard in her voice. I furrowed my eyebrows with a frown, realizing she was only afraid of hate. I wouldn't blame her, I've received my fair share of shit on Twitter, so I know how shitty it feels to receive hate. I've seen a few nasty comments about us being together, and I absolutely hate it. I don't understand why people don't approve of us being together. She is the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful person I have ever met, and she's just so perfect. I don't understand it at all, but all I know is that I want the world to see how much I love her. "You know that I don't care about what the people say about you or about us," I started and smiled, pressing a soft kiss onto her forehead. "All I want is for the world to know how much I'm in love with you, but if showing that to everyone hurts you, I wouldn't do it. I don't want to see you getting hurt, and I promised to protect you no matter what. So tell me if you ever get shit, I'm gonna call them out." She smiles at me, shaking her head. "No, I don't need you to call them out for me. They're your fans, your family and I'd have you choose family over me any day." She replies with a sad smile. "I wouldn't consider them family if they can't accept someone who makes me the happiest. You're my main source of happiness and I just, ugh, god I love you so much." She literally was my source of happiness, every little thing she does makes my heart jump and just leaves a smile on my face no matter how rough my day was. She was like a ray of sunshine, and a huge ball of light at the same time. Her lips curled into a smile, making my own twitch into one as well.

Calum: "I just want it to be you and I forever. I know you wanna leave so come on baby, be with me so happily"

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you start to think you can't live without it? Have you ever needed someone so much that you can't imagine a future  with someone else other than that said person? Have you ever fallen in love with someone who was with someone else? Well, I'm one of the people who would say yes to each and every one of those questions. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with a girl I couldn't call my own - mainly because she was with someone else. She had a boyfriend but she wasn't in love with him anymore. She told me she fell in love with someone else, and that she has had feelings for this boy the whole time, the only problem was that she had kept denying it. She says she only accepted that she loves him recently, and she also says that she should have just told him before she forced her feelings onto that poor boyfriend of hers now. She was blinded by the thought of being alone, and she forced herself to fall for a boy she had a crush on. "I don't understand," I began, looking down at her with a frown. She looked up from her phone and tilted her head to the side, "What don't you understand?" She fell in love with her best friend instead, the person who has been here for her since forever. The person who's been by her side, the one who's stuck around through good and bad, through thick and thin. "I don't understand why you don't just leave him when you clearly love someone else," I say sadly, looking down at the carpeted floor. "What do you want me to do Calum? You want me to break up with him for you?" She asked with a sad smile. I knew what I wanted her to do was selfish, but it was the right thing to do. "You can't keep leading him on like that, Y/N. You can't make him think that you're in love with him when you're not, it'll destroy him. Best to leave him while it's early, before he falls in love with you completely," I tell her, causing her to look up at me with those beautiful eyes. She looks into mine for a moment, before giving me a small smile, "I guess that's what I'll do that then, I wouldn't want him to think that I love him. Thanks Cal," she says with a grin, before pressing a kiss onto my cheek. "I love you so much," she says and I pull her back into my arms. "Baby, be with me so happily," I breathed out, before kissing her forehead gently.

Luke: "It's 4am and I know that you're with him, I wonder if he knows that I touched your skin. And if he feels my traces in your hair, I'm sorry love but I don't really care"

I shuffled around in my bed, sighing as my eyes landed on the alarm clock sitting on my desk - it was now 4 AM. 4AM huh? She's probably sleeping beside him right now, and I'm here wishing I was the one she's with instead. "Are you really gonna spend the night as his place?" I asked, as I began to play with her hair. We were in my room, and she rested her body against my own, and I had an arm wrapped around her shoulder, while she had an arm around my waist. I love cuddling with her, she gives the best cuddles ever, I swear. "He wanted me to," She shrugged, breathing out a sigh. She was together with a boy she didn't love, and I knew that she wanted to break things off with him. But she couldn't, she was too scared to. All she wants is to be happy, and she knows that will only happen if she breaks up with him and gets together with the person she really loves, which she revealed recently to be me. "But you don't want to," I pointed out, making her sigh once. "I don't know what to do, I'm scared what he'll say if I tell him that I don't love him," She says, sadness could be heard clearly in her voice. "Just do it, I'll be here to protect you if he ever says shit about you. I'll always be here," I reassured her, stroking her cheek gently before planting a kiss onto her soft cheek. Her frown turned into a smile and her eyes showed happiness, making me smile as well. "Thank you Luke, but that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want you to get hurt, I don't want him to get to you because I care about you so much and I love you," She says as she leans her head against my chest. I bit my lip, hoping that she wouldn't hear my heartbeat hammering against my chest. I began to play with her hair and I wanted time to stop in that moment, because everything was perfect. What matters right now is that I love her and she feels the same way about me, it will just be us against the world. I ran my hand through my hair upon remembering those events from this afternoon. She still went on with the plans with her boyfriend, which makes me really mad because she wasn't in love with him, and I was. I just wanted her in my arms, and not in his arms, she didn't belong with him. We belonged together, and I rolled over with a frown. "And if he feels my traces in your hair, I'm sorry love but I don't really care," I sang quietly, while I drifted off into a deep slumber, my heads filled with thoughts of her.