Saving Myself (Law and Order)

Chapter 3♡

(Olivia's P.O.V)

Getting some coffee, Amanda was updating me on a case via text message. The young boy had been abused by his uncle and he needed temporary foster care. I kindly asked her if she could ring me when she had more news. I walked to the intensive care area.. Elliot looked really tired. Handing him a coffee, he thanked me. "Charlie is still bruised.. but he's going to be ok. Mom is gonna be here soon. I'll have to see if he's up to questioning when he's more stable." Taking his hand, he thanked me. "For what?" He said he was just glad that I was with him. "I'd do anything for you." Waiting for more news, he asked me if Nina was going to press charges on Matthew. "I'm not sure. Matthew is still out there. She's too scared to even do a kit Ell. She wants to be a mom.. but not like this. And Amanda has just updated me on a case. The young boy is hopefully going into temporary foster care." Leaning his head into mine, I kissed him.

'Last night was memorable." His hand was attached to mine. Every time I felt a squeeze, my mind would trick me into thinking that I didn't need him. I was this strong, independent woman. I was defensive. I used to not trust him.. the first day was awful. I was a mess..

First day...

"Don't talk to me! Just don't!" Elliot was near me. He begged me to just listen. "I didn't mean to. It just happened." So, he didn't love me. He just went to go and kiss someone else? I put in all the effort for him. He was my life. "Just leave. Go to your mom's." He touched my shoulder. 'LEAVE!" I then took out his bag, throwing stuff into it.. crying.. "Liv! Please! Just hear me out." I couldn't care any less. Once he had gone, I went upstairs. My head was a mess. I then found a razor. I took it.. salty tears streaming down my eyes. Blood then poured on my hand. The pain slowly eased. I had been self harming for 4 months now. I just couldn't deal with anyone hurting me. Especially the love of my life."Liv.." I had locked the door. "Open the door. Please baby.."

Second Day..

I got calls from Amanda and Nina. I felt really low.  Booking myself a appointment with a therapist, I made my way to the centre. I wasn't crazy. I just needed someone to talk to. Replying back to the messages, they instantly asked why I had kicked Elliot out. They both know that I'm defensive. It's just a thing.. "Olivia Benson."

A man came out to greet me. As we walked to his office, I felt my hands sweat.. nervous. That's how I felt. "So, tell me where you're here." Taking a deep breath, I was honest. "I'm here because my boyfriend cheated on me." The therapist let me just vent. "I can see that you've been through a lot. You need to believe that you'll get through this. Have you been sleeping well?" I could either lie and say no.. or be honest. "No.. not really. We've not exactly been intimate either. I just continue to push him away." The therapist advised me to take time out for myself. "It's the best thing for you right now I think. Do you still love Elliot?" Deeply I did..  "Yes I do. I've been with other guys in the past but he's always be the one for me."

Third Day...

After work, I decided to just go out with Nina and Amanda. We went to a little bar. "So, how's things with Carisi?" She blushed.. giggling, she admitted that things were going very well. "Slowly, but surely.. I'm letting my guard down." Getting my phone, I saw a notification from Barba. He was asking if I was ok. He was another best friend of mine. He never let me down.

Reading the text, Amanda and Nina were bonding. "More shots?" Amanda laughed. "For you maybe! I'm staying sober." Going to get more drinks, Amanda asked me how Barba was as I'd told her that he'd texted me. "He's OK. I like keeping in contact with him. He's one of my oldest friends. He's always cared no matter what." Cheekily seeing Nina talking to the bartender, we decided to listen in..

'You seem nice. Did you wanna come and hang at my place?" Amanda started to giggle as I raised my eyebrows. "She'll ask for his number. I know my best friend." He then wrote his number down on a piece of paper. "Told ya!" Clinking our glasses together, Amanda looked at the time. "I had better get going. I'll see you tomorrow." Hugging her, I told her to kiss the girls for me. Text me when you get home ok?" Seeing my two besties say goodbye to one another, Nina smiled. "Tonight's been fab. I'll call him tomorrow. Shall we get going?" Driving home, I just felt sick. I didn't even want to face him. "I'll come in with you. I just need my bag from the boot." Feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket, I looked at the number. It was from someone that I didn't know..

I'm watching you. Just think about it. You lost his baby. He cheated on you. With me.

(End of flashbacks.)

Feeling droplets of sweat collect on my forehead, Nina saw my face as she walked up to me. "Olivia? What's up?" I gave her my phone. "This woman knows who I am.. she's the woman who Elliot cheated with." I just collapsed in Nina's arms.. I couldn't handle it. "Shhh.. shhh.."

Going inside, I wiped my tears as I heard Elliot calmly call me. "Liv.." Nina excused herself to the spare bedroom. "I don't want to talk to you right now." Going into our bedroom, I went into the bathroom. Undressing, I just tried to keep the tears at bay. "Look.. it didn't mean anything." I continued to go over questions in my head. Was she prettier then me? Was she better at being intimate then me? Did she already have children? Stepping into the shower, he sat outside on the floor.. trying to justify his reasons.. "Look, my head was all over the place about your miscarriage. That night when we decided to slowly try for a child again.. I just wanted to sort things out. I really, really love you." He knew that I had been hurting myself since I was 11 years old. I was a victim of sexual assault. My mom suffered badly. That took everything away from me.

"I know things will take a lot of time.. but I'm willing to attend therapy." The thing is, I loved him SO much. Getting dressed, I opened the bathroom door. 'Elliot. Just let me figure this out then.. why did this mystery woman text me? informing me that you cheated on me? With her?' He walked towards the bed. Sitting on it, he started to talk. 'I was out with some old friends. We weren't getting on very well.' Creaming my face, I so needed Nina up here right now. 'I know we weren't Elliot. A couple of hours ago, we were sat at the hospital waiting for an update on your brother.' He turned to look at me. 'Baby.. look at me.' The thing was, he was mine. Nobody else's. He was my first.. everything. 'I do love you Ell..' Loving someone even when they did something wrong. That was difficult. 'The other night shouldn't of happened. Please, just sleep on the sofa.' Allowing him to kiss my cheek, he took a pillow along with a blanket.

Heading downstairs. Getting into bed, I tried to close my eyes. I hope the young boy was ok in foster care. Letting my hand touch my stomach, I closed my eyes. I wanted another baby. Just not like this...