I had art therapy today. It would be my first session. I felt really nervous. Getting up, I got some clothes out. Going to the bathroom across the hall, a nurse smiled at me. "Hi. My name is Maddie. You can talk to me anytime." Smiling at her, I closed the bathroom door. I'd not had any nightmares for about 2 weeks now. Whenever I had one, I'd call out for Mom.. but she wasn't there. I missed her a lot. As the water washed over my body, the thought of opening up to a counsellor whilist doing art therapy ran through my mind. I did want to give it a go. After I had put on my clothes and brushed my hair, I headed downstairs to the reception area. "Morning Ariel." Dr Green was sat drinking a cup of tea. "Morning." Getting some cereal and a glass of juice, I sat with him at the table. "Are you looking forward to your first art therapy session this morning?" I picked at my breakfast. "Not really. I just.. I find it hard to express how I'm feeling." Dr Green asked me if I become overwhelmed by my feelings. "I do sometimes.. they all come rushing and I avoid them by lying. By saying that I'm alright when I'm clearly struggling." Dr Green said that I would benefit from art therapy. "As you love drawing, you can draw about your emotions. Use various colours to express the feelings that are constantly swirling around in your head." A young woman walked up to me and him.
"Hi. You must be Ariel Benson?" I nodded my head. "I'm Deena. I'll be your art therapist." I shook her head. "I'll check in with you tomorrow Ariel." As Dr Green left the eating hall, Deena sat in his space. "So Ariel. I'd like to ask you a few questions before we go to the art room." I nodded slowly.. I felt a bit sick.
"What's the relationship like between you and your mom?" Sitting up a bit more, I twiddled with my fingers. "It's good. She's great. She's always been there for me." Seeing her write some things down, she then asked me how my relationship was with Dad. "Can I go now?" Deena looked at me. "Ariel.. are you scared?' I felt panic rising inside of me. "No. I'm not scared. I just don't wanna talk about him. Please.. Just don't." Deena understood. As we went into the art room, I saw art supplies on the table. The room looked bright with other paintings and pieces of artwork on the walls. As I sat down, I saw a pencil. It was red. Picking it up, I saw a piece of paper. Scribbling over it, I saw Deena with concern written all over her face..
Tuesday 25th March
"Dad! I'm only going out with Ria! It's no big deal!" Mom was with my brother and sister in the garden. Dad wasn't letting me go out as I'd not been good at school this week. "Ariel. You've smoked weed at school today. Do you think I will let you go out at this time?" I wanted to scream. "Of course! It was only weed! It's nothing major. Anyway, I had another flashback today! Clearly you didn't remember THAT!" Slamming the kitchen door, I heard his voice. "ARIEL BENSON! COME BACK NOW!" I then heard Paige. "Mommy.. why is Daddy shouting?" Mom then looked at Dad. "Great. Well done Elliot. Well done." He knew excatly how to push my buttons. Mom knew excatly how I was feeling as she asked me. Dad just didn't care.
End of flashback.
Scribbling on the paper even more, Deena asked me to calm down in a soft tone. "I.. don't want.. to!" Eventually the pencil dropped out of my hand. "Ariel. You are clearly distressed.. What did you do after you shouted at your father?" I cried a bit.. "I left the apartment and made my way to a friend's house. His name is Jack. I've known him for ages. I then asked him for more weed. Then, I did a roll up and I smoked it." Deena asked me how I feel when I'm high. "I feel invincible. Like, I just feel free. I actually love it. It gives me a good feeling." As I continued to draw randomly, Deena saw my facial expression. "Being taken advantage of at a young age sucked. I drew a sad face. "I just can't shake the feeling of just being abandoned." I asked if I could leave the session. "Of course you can." Deena followed me outside. She said that she'd keep the paper. "I'll need this so I can track your progress." I thanked her. "Thankyou for just listening. See you soon." As I went back up to my room, I took out some more paper and I kept scribbling... Deena seemed nice. I had another session later on. I had brought a few books that I wanted to read. Taking one out, I read the title. It was Everything Everything. As I started to read it, I could feel myself relax.
Maybe reading would soothe my brain a bit.. I sat up reading a bit more. It was really good. I heard a knock on the door. It was Maddie. The nurse I had met earlier on this morning. "Morning. I just came by to say hello. There is a group therapy session being held in the reflection room at 11am. Would you like to join in? You don't have to." This could be good for me. Putting my book down, I said yes. "It might be good. Thanks." She asked if I needed anything else. "I think I'm good. Thanks." As I went downstairs, I heard a girl shouting. "I don't want to eat! Leave!" She was really angry. Two staff members were trying to calm her down. "Abby. Just breathe. You are detoxing. You need to eat." She flipped her tray over. "I don't want that! I want my pills." She got restrained by the staff members. "Calm down.." Maddie then asked me if I was ok. "Yeah I'm fine.'
As I went to the reflection room, other young people were sat in chairs. We were sat in a circle. "Hi everyone. My name is Maddie and I'll be leading today's first group therapy session." Everyone looked at one another. "Hi. My name is Izzy. I'm 16 and I suffer with depression. My dad left me and my mom became really ill too. I'm in here because I hurt myself. I just can't bare it. My life sucks.' As someone else introduced themselves, I twiddled with my fingers again. I was that used to holding a roll up or a cigarette that I didn't know what to do. 'My name is Ethan. I'm 16. I argue with my dad a lot. I started drinking when I was 14. My mom tries to be the reasonable one, but she ends up getting hurt.' Maddie asked him if his mom has tried to leave his dad. 'Yep. About 8 times. But, he found us every time.' As it got to me, I tried not to panic. 'Hi. I'm Ariel Benson. I'm 16. I started drinking when I was 14. I'm a drug addict and I smoke too. Both cigarettes and weed.' Maddie then told us all that we were capable of recovery. 'Every single one of you will get through this.'
(Paige's P.O.V)
I couldn't sleep. Me and Mommy were sitting up in her bed together. She was stroking my back. 'Mommy?' She looked up at me. 'Yes pumpkin?' I asked if her and daddy had been arguing. 'You've been crying a lot Mommy. And Caleb has been wanting more cuddles.' I knew Mommy very well. 'Well, Daddy and I are just not on the same page right now. Mommy just needs some space.' I asked her if we would have to leave. 'I promise you that we won't have to leave. This is your home.' I cuddled her. Trying to sleep, I heard our little brother. 'I've got him Liv.' Hearing Daddy, I went back to sleep. Holding on tight to Mommy, I thought about my friends. Jayden was super cool. We always played together on the playround. Me and Cece sit together all the time in class. Mom giggled. "What?" She smiled at me. "You're just so grown up now Paigey. You're not my little baby any more." She cuddled me. "I'm not. I'm only 7 mommy!" As I slept a bit more. I heard Daddy. Were him and Mommy ever going to be ok again? Mommy promised that things were going to be ok. What if we had to go though? What if Daddy got angry again? I was confused and I didn't like it. I felt Mommy's arms wrap around mine. "Paigey.. baby.. Mommy's got you. She's always got you." As I cried a bit, Mommy wiped away my tears.
"Shhh... shhhh." I felt safe with Mommy. I just miss Ariel. I miss my big sister so much. I had an idea on how I could get Mommy and Daddy talking again..
Maybe I could make them a card or something. I didn't want daddy to leave.
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(I have attached the picture regarding the title of the book that Ariel has started to read! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!)
