Sweet Dreams #Wattys 2018

Little Ass Kicker

Author's Note: I wanted this to be a mostly centric Summer chapter and figured they let there guard down momentarily from watching her. She was out of it. And in that few seconds she slipped away. And, I love the questions so this is how they come into in this world I am creating.  (Video obviously not mine)

Summer didn't know why she was going to the boiler room. She fought her way through the walkers' on instinct. She didn't think, she was just letting herself go on pure hatred, pure instinct. She didn't think about the consequences of her actions, or what could happen. She needed to be in that room, needed to get Lori's body for burial. When she entered the boiler room, her eyes immediately went to the blood on the floor then to the walker. "NO! You SON OF A BITCH!" she yelled as she stabbed the walker repeatedly in the head as she collapsed against a wall. She took the small wooden cross out of her pocket and threw it against the wall. "I asked you to save Hershel! I asked you for a win! You gave us that, but Lori....did you have to do this? I didn't realize JC that I had to be specific and ask you NOT to let anyone else die," she said as she laid her head down on her knees. "Carl and Dad...Rick...do I even deserve to call him dad anymore? They probably hate me. I know I promised Lori that I'd watch over Lady Bug...but she's going to grow up hating me. I hate myself," she said as she let the tears fall. "She's a miracle, out of this whole dark world.....a little life...a ray of hope....but how long is she going to survive? How long do any of us have to survive? I'm numb....I just wonder if fighting is worth it anymore. I understand why Beth felt this way at the farm, why Andrea and Jaqui felt this way at the CDC. I get it. I don't want to get it, I shouldn't have to get it! I should be happy to be alive....but every time we're happy, something bad happens. SO is that the key to this whole thing? Not to be happy? Just live in darkness, fighting for survival, and wait until a walker makes us dinner? I don't want to live like that! I want to enjoy the little moments without worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow. If this is the way it's going to be, it's not worth fighting! I'm tired, I'm hurt, I'm numb...." Summer said as she held her head between her legs.

"Summer....you shouldn't be here alone," a voice told her.

Summer looked up. "Jane....no you're not real."

Jane sat down. "I'm real as you need me to be. You've got a lot of people who are worried bout you. What are you doing down here by yourself? It's reckless, it's stupid."

Summer let out a laugh. "Haven't you heard it's the end of the damn world? I'm a teenager if that doesn't give me a reason to be reckless, not sure what does."

"Language. I may be dead, but that language still isn't appreciated," Jane told her. "You have done everything right, Summer. You care so deep that all these losses finally got you. You're also a Dixon, you've kept it in. But do you really want to cause your mother, Mar, your Uncle Daryl, Carl, Rick and everyone else the added pain of losing you too. Do you think your mother could handle it?" Jane asked her.

"You know about Rick?" Summer asked as she rubbed the tears from her eyes.

Jane laughed. "Course I know about Rick. You tell your mom that I'm having a good laugh at her."

Summer looked at her. "I don't think it would make mom feel good that I'm having conversations with ghosts."

"Your mother had a conversation with me, after Dale. I'm around when my girls need me," Jane told her. "Mar talked to me before she found you guys," she informed her. "Now the Summer I know isn't one for self pity."

Summer shook her head. "I just killed a woman. I just took a baby out of a woman and her son had to shoot her. That's on me!"

"How many walkers have you killed?" Jane asked her as she looked at her.