Miss Independent

93

Jarvis came over earlier. It's been a month since my breakdown and me and Odell are walking on eggshells around each other. I don't remember much from that night except that Odell someone how got me in bed and when I woke up in the morning he had cleaned up everything that I had thrown. I'm surprised he brought me our kids on time. I'm surprised he doesn't think I'm crazy.

He texted me the morning after, a message that I appreciated. "hey...you probably don't want to talk to me, but I want to make sure you're okay. I left some Advil on your nightstand, drink it I know you're going to feel terrible. I don't think you're crazy btw, I know that what happened is my fault, I ain't going hold it against you, I'm not upset either. If you don't want me to bring the kids over let me know, but if not they'll be there tomorrow. if you need anything call me, just let me know if you're okay, you have every right to be mad at me, but I love you. hope you sleep well beautiful."

I texted him a thank you and things have been neutral lately. Except now, I've had a a feeling, call it intuition but something is going on with my body. I've been dreading even thinking about it...but Jarvis is here and he brought me what I needed...a pregnancy test.

It's been two months since that night me and Odell shared and I've been feeling odd. I've been gaining weight, I've been moody, craving things, my breast have grown almost a whole cup size, and I've been feeling nauseous. I haven't told anyone except Jarvis, me and him have been getting closer, he's been like a brother to me during this time. He promised me he wouldn't tell Odell however I wouldn't hold it against him if he did. Odell is his best friend and I understand if he were to tell him.

"You ready?" He asks me. I shrug but he hands me the pharmacy bag with the pregnancy tests. I didn't even want to take 'the test' I was I denial but I confided in Jarvis and he decided to buy and bring me theses tests. He convinced me to take them and I'm nervous.

"I'll wait for you out here.."he says awkwardly. I nod. I feel like honestly I should be doing this with Odell. I go into the bathroom and I pull the door behind me. I nervously go and open the pregnancy tests and set them out on the counter. I get some paper towels and lay them on the counter and then I pick up the tests. I go and pee on them and then I set them on the counter.

I washed my hands and then I opened the bathroom door. "So what happened?" He asks me. "Well I'm waiting...for the result.." I say. I'm standing leaning against the wall waiting. "You nervous?" He asks me.
"Yeah...me and Odell don't need another child, especially now with everything that's going on..." I say.  

"Lex I know this ain't the ideal situation but I had Amy from Tia's crazy ass, whatever happens things will be okay." He says to me. "Jar can you check the tests.." I say nervously. "Yeah I got you.." he says as he pats my shoulder.

He slips into the bathroom and I hear him moving the tests or something. He starts to mumble under his breath.

"two lines means..." he says barely in a barely audible whisper. "positive." He says. My heart stops beating and for some reason after that quick shock I'm really calm about it.

"Lex I heard these things might not be one hundred percent so book a doctors appointment just in case okay?" He says. I nod and I wrap up the tests in paper towels. I throw them away in the trash can and I go and sit on the couch.

"Jarvis what am I going to do?" I ask him. "Lex things going be fine.." he says to me. "Jarvis...I just had a baby a few months ago...I can't be pregnant again...I can't have another child..." I say slowly. "So what are you going to do?" He asks me. "I don't know, but I know this can't be the time to have a baby..." I say. "Lex, kids are a blessing whenever they come is the right time, You and Odell might be going through things but trust me this child is going make up for all of the bad times." He says to me. I nod and I stay quiet because if anyone would know about this kind of situation it would be him, his baby mother is the most vile woman, however somehow he's able to maintain happiness.

"Are you going to tell Odell?" He asks me. "I don't know...I don't know how to tell him." I say. "Just go ahead and tell him..." he says to me. "I will...I want to go to the doctor first though to confirm that I am pregnant." I say. "Lex don't make all these excuses just tell Dell he's the father of that baby and y'all might not be on good terms but Odell loves his kids and you can't keep something like that from him." Jarvis says.

"I know, but I just don't think that we need a baby right now. I don't want an abortion but I just don't want to bring a child into our situation just yet." I say. "Alexis...a child will be here in a few months, he's going to notice just tell him soon...okay?" Jarvis says to me. "I'll think about it." I reply. "Well if you decide not to tell him let me know so you don't have to go to the appointments alone okay?" He says. "Thank you Jar." I reply.

---

Odell comes by to bring me the kids later on in the day. I'm really excited to see my babies because for some reason imagining another one here with them brings joy to my very broken heart.

"Hey Lex." Odell says as all of the kids swarm me and even Santa who went with Odell jumps on me. Honestly I think Santa can sense me being pregnant because he becomes super clingy every time I'm pregnant even before I notice.

I kept trying to convince myself to tell Odell that I was pregnant as he brought our babies in. I couldn't do it, I didn't want to tell him. I knew I didn't want to tell him way before I knew that I was pregnant, I just want to have a stable routine with Odell before I add anymore emotions in the mix because every time he comes I always cry or scream.

He's cried a few times too, not as much as me obviously but he still has his feelings. Sometimes I cry just watching him cry because seeing Odell in pain hurts me to the core. Even though it's his fault that everything is happening for a split second I forget, and I'm back to feeling his pain and wishing I could make it better.

I think we do a good job of hiding it from our kids but usually things happen between me and Odell while they aren't with us. Me and Odell can't be alone together we are very passionate people and things get out of hand between us. We are the kind of people that if we aren't together and for each other then we clash. It's not a good thing obviously especially for our kids but that's how it is.

I mean who actually plans on ever leaving their husband or that in a few years he's going to cheat? No one, I obviously didn't so I don't know what's going to happen with this situation. I wasn't expecting it and some days me and Odell seem like things might work out between us and sometimes I'm in so much pain that I hate him.

I think it's because my hormones are everywhere with this baby that I might be having.