Miss Independent

67

I spent 4 days in the hospital with Kenzie...actually we as in me and Odell. It was probably the worst days of my life because everyday she wasn't improving much but now she's home. She's not 100 percent but we're getting there.

I've gotten a million get well soon cards for Kenzie so that's always fun. Now all I'm waiting for is Odell who is suppose to be coming with Sonny today. He's like four months older than Kenzie but they are right around the same age so now she'll have a playmate. Odell basically decided it would be a better environment with him instead of his dad and Sonny's mom who all they do is argue.

"Kenzie are you hungry?" I ask her. She's laying in her bed watching a movie on her iPad. "Just a little.." she says to me. "I'll make you mashed potatoes your favorite?" I ask her. "Yes!" She yells excitedly. "Then after that I gotta give you your medicine so you can be all better sooner!" I say to her. "Okay mommy!" She replies.

"You remember Sonny right?" I ask her. "Yeah Daddy's brother!" She says. "Yes ma'am that's him! Well he's coming to live with us today!" I say. "Forever and ever?" Kenzie asks. "I don't know.." I say because it's true I don't know if he will ever go back home. It's not up to me and honestly I love Sonny so having him is something I've been wanting mostly because I just want a little boy!

Also guess who's also moving in today? Well guys Odell is! I couldn't stay away from my baby anymore I'm still a little unhappy but I love him to much to keep distancing him. So after he drops off Sonny, Nana Gina is going to stay with the kids while I go and help Odell bring some stuff he took over to his apartment. It wasn't to much stuff but I want some alone time with him. I want to talk to him and make sure he's okay.

That's kind of hard to do in front of kids but it's okay. I took Ava on a stroller with me so I could walk Santa. Ava impresses me more and more everyday she's already making sounds almost like words also she's crawling and I can't wait for her to walk. I want to see her first steps as cliché as it sounds.

When I got back to the house Odell was there with Sonny. I gave him a big hug and he's getting really big!

"Hey Sonny! Are you happy to move in with us?" I ask him. "I miss my mommy and daddy.." Sonny says. "Aw well that's okay, you'll get to see them all the time." I say to him. "Okay!" He says excitedly as he runs into the house. He goes up the stairs to play with Kenzie but he knows she's sick so he told me he's going to play 'gentle'. Then Nana Gina takes Ava to change her diaper while I take Santa off his leash.

"Hey baby." Odell says as he kisses my cheek. "Oh god I missed you.." I say to Odell as I kiss his lips. "Come on let's go." I say to him.

He follows me out to his Range Rover since it's bigger. When I get in the car I suddenly get a little bitter about that damn apartment. I don't know why it bothers me that he has it but it's weird that he does. I just don't understand it.

"Odell.." I say to him. "Wassup?" He asks me. "I need you to get rid of that apartment." I say to him. "Why?" He asks me. "I don't like it." I reply because I have no idea why but I just don't want him to have it.

"You don't need it, you're with me in our house with our kids why would you need an apartment?" I ask him. "I guess you have a point." He says. When we arrive to the apartment I'm just ready to get out. I want to get Odell's things and I want to go back home or somewhere else with Odell.

After we get all of his things which I thought would be way more I sit on his bed exhausted. Not really from this cleaning but from my week in the hospital with Kenzie, I couldn't sleep with the nurse coming in every few hours and Kenzie every night had something new going on like one night she was breaking out in sweat. Odell was with me through most of it but at times he had to leave. I couldn't leave Kenzie alone so it was tough. 

"What's wrong?" Odell asks me. "I'm so tense, I'm so tired..I just need a quick break." I say to Odell. "I don't think that's what you need.." Odell says to me. "Then what do I need?" I say raising an eyebrow.

He doesn't say anything and walks up to me. He bends down a bit so that he can kiss me. Both of his hands are on either side of me so I can't get away. I wouldn't want to though, I want to pull him even closer!

I put my arms around his neck and I pull him closer to me while deepening the kiss. Things escalate pretty quickly but let's keep that a secret. As soon as we finished our deeded we decided to go back home to the kids.

When we got back Sonny and Kenzie were taking naps on different couches. Ava was chewing away at some crackers and things seem peaceful around here. Santa who is completely obsessed with Kenzie is laying on her back. I find it funny but it's pretty cute.

Me and Odell tip toed his things back to our room and then we went to talk to mama Gina.

"So you're finally back?" She asks him. "No he's on a little trial period.." I say playfully. "No ignore her, I'm back here with my children and my wife..Ms.Gina you know how important family is.." Odell says. He wraps his arms around me and I feel almost bad or upset for some reason.

"Yeah I know, you're like a son, I just want you to be happy.." she says. "And I am with my kids, they bring me joy." Odell says. "Well you two love bird go do something, I'm calming the babies." She says.

I helped Odell get his things situated around the room because he was gone for a while, he's disoriented. It didn't take long to put things in place because I knew how everything was originally. Odell ended up just laying on the bed watching me while I unpack his clothes!

"Odell we got to have a serious conversation.." I say to him. "Okay about what?" He asks me. "About how you're never going to do anything stupid like that again, you can't expect me to forgive you ever again." I say to him.

"I know, I promise you I'll never hurt you again, I don't know why I did what I did but I know nothing is worth my family.." he says to me as he takes my hand.

"I don't know why you have to mess up to find that out Odell, but I can't deal with any more betrayal because I'm not a forgiving person...things just aren't the same but I forgave you because I love you and I do want to be with you but you make it hard." I say to him. "I know but you're the only girl who I want anywhere near me, you're my wife and I know neither of us perfect but I'm going to try to be for you." He says. "I can't go through that no more Odell, you don't know what it's like to feel that in your heart...like that sense of unwantedness, or just a sense of betrayal like that I'm not good enough.." I say as I try to explain what I have in my heart.

"I know, I won't thinking about your feelings but I can promise you it won't happen again, I love you Lex, you're to good for me so don't let me or anyone feel like you ain't perfect." Odell says to me. I give him a hug and in his arms I feel like we might be okay. I believe that he won't hurt me again and I think it's all that matters.