Miss Independent

90

We put up the best front we could for the kids but Sonny and Kenzie knew that there was trouble. I didn't care at this point, they are getting older and I have to be honest with them.

Anyways today we are back home and we are sitting in the car as Odell drives us home. "Alexis.." he says during the car ride. "please not now." I say because the last thing I need is a screaming match in front of the kids, which happened last night when he tried to talk to me. I agreed to let him drive us home though because it's not like he's going to kidnap us plus I do want to talk to him.

When we arrived home all I wanted to do was see Carter but she's with my mom and it's 3 am so not a good idea. Odell helped me carry the kids inside and he brought all the bags...should of left his in the car...

I made sure that everyone was tucked in and okay before I even addressed Odell.

"Alexis, can we sit down and talk please?" Odell says to me as he watches me. "Okay Odell let's talk." I say to him. I stare directly at him for a few seconds and he doesn't do anything.

"Let's start with the fact that I'm just your baby mother, and that you have a girlfriend." I say to him. "Alexis, it was wrong I know but you know I love you...I know I disrespected you...but I panicked." He says and I roll my eyes at him because the I love you card isn't going to work. I'm also annoyed at the panic part because how does someone who 'loves' me panic and call him his baby's mother.

"You don't love me Odell, you obviously don't love me, maybe you don't love your family...I don't know but I do know that I'm done Odell." I say to him simply. "How can you be done Alexis? We've been together for years, we have kids, you can't just rip that all up because of my mistake..." I say to him.

"I'm not ripping anything up, you did that the moment you cheated on me Odell." I say. "Odell can you tell me something.." I say. "Yeah." He says simply. "It's none of my business but did you sleep with her?" I ask him. I brace myself for the answer because I know I'm not going to like it. "Alexis come on.." he says. "Oh well then.." I say because he just answered my question. "How many times?" I ask. "Alexis...can we not do this?" He says. "So it was a lot?" I ask. "No only a few times." He mumbles under his breath. "Ever on the same day as me?" I ask. "Alexis I ain't having this conversation with you." He says. That is probably the thing that I'm going to remember most, this feeling of not being good enough...that sting...that I'm not special, he fucks me and fucks another girl on the same day.

"Has she been around my children?" I ask to him. "Odell think about this question, I don't care how nice she is, you have not brought any women around my kids right?" I ask him again because this question actually causes me to become angry, like I was numb but just thinking about some lady playing with my kids without me knowing really gets to me.

"No Alexis I promise you our kids are off limits." He replies. "Odell you better not be lying to me because I will rip you apart.." I say in a warning tone. "Alexis god damn calm down, no one was around our fucking kids!" He yells out of no where. "Okay Odell get the fuck out of my house!" I scream back at him.

"Alexis calm down you're going to wake em up.." he says to me. "Odell I want you out...I don't want you here." I say as I feel a lump in my throats and my vision becomes blurry. "Alexis please." He says. He gets down on his knees just like he did last time and just having this flashback, deja vu, I begin to fell the tears running down my cheeks.

"Alexis I love you.."he says. "Odell stop saying that.." I say as I try to wipe my tears. I lean against a wall and I just sit down on the floor. I just can't believe I'm in this position for a second time, I should of known better but then again I love him...I love him...I really do he's my entire life and my life is just falling apart before my eyes right now.

"Odell how could you honestly like what is it about her or about me that just makes you chose her over me..?" I ask him. "Alexis I wouldn't chose anyone over you not even my own mother...I would never choose her over you, you know this Alexis deep down you know my heart belongs to you.." he says. "Odell then tell me why you wanted to be with her if you say that you're heart is with me?" I ask, "I don't know Alexis I'm stupid. I'm greedy, I always want more than what I have, I had everything though...I don't know why I always mess things up when we're finally happy.." he says. "Odell you've been talking to this woman for years, this isn't new, just go ahead and be with her because you don't want to be with me, not that...it's an option anymore. Odell you brought her on our family trip like what kind of person just says fuck it and brings his mistress to a family trip...were you going to have sex with her in our hotel room? Odell did you have sex with her during that trip?" I ask him.

"No Alexis I didn't, I'm done with her, I want to fix things with you..." he says. "Odell I'm not having a conversation with you about fixing, we're done." I say simply. "Alexis you can't do that, we have kids what am I suppose to tell my kids when they ask?" Odell says. "I don't know you should of thought about that before.." I reply simply. "Alexis stop being selfish-" he starts and as soon as that word came out of his mouth I almost snapped. "I'm the selfish one? When I'm totally devoted to you but one girl isn't enough Mr. O needs a supermodel and who knows what else you got going on?!" I yell. "Alexis lower your voice." He says to me. "Odell I'm not kidding stop telling me what to do." I say as I try to stay calm. "Odell." I say. "Yes?" He replies. "Do you love her? Like if you do, do you love her more than me?" I ask him. "No I don't, Alexis I don't love anything or anyone more than I love you." He says. "Odell so why did you cheat on me..." I say as tears fill my eyes again.

"I don't know Alexis.." he replies. "You know what Odell it's late, I have to wake up early tomorrow so how about you go?" I say slowly. "Alexis come on." He says. "Odell, just leave please? Okay? Can you do that for me?" I say almost beggingly. "Alexis please don't do this." He says. "Odell get out...just go, just leave!" I say as my temper rises. "Alexis I love you." He says and he turns around and I watch him walk out of the door. "I love you too." I respond in a barely audible whisper as soon as he's out of the door.

I take this opportunity to go and just lay in my bed. I'm exhausted, my heart is aching and honestly I don't know what to do now. Like what's next in my life?

I grabbed my phone from my bag and I saw a text from Dre. You alright? Is what the message reads. I guess so just a little down 🙁 I reply. You guys ain't arguing right? Dre asks. No he left... I reply. I'm coming over, see you in a few. He replies. Bring me orange juice. I reply back, and it's not just any orange juice, he knows this little corner store/restaurant kind of thing that serves the best fresh squeezed orange juice.

He doesn't reply but I already know he's coming because he has this little quirk that he doesn't tell people when he's coming he kind of just shows up.

In 20 minutes I get a text of him telling me to let him in so I go to the door and I open it. He hugs me as soon as he sees me.

"You're not okay." He says simply. "Dre can we not talk about it? At least wait until after I've had a few sips of juice.." I say playfully. "Here you go." He says as he hands me the juice. "Look I get it you're mad at him but what's going on?" He says.

"Well I'm leaving him, I want to sign the divorce papers and everything. I'll talk to him about legal things after I'm calmer because I've been crying to much. I don't know, my life is falling apart." I say. "A divorce? I get it, it's crazy, but you know we supporting you." He says to me as we sit on the couches. "I know but I feel alone in this, it's just like no one knows how hard this is, I love Odell...I just don't know what to even say." I say to him. "I just don't know what went wrong, Lex I don't get how a many could cheat on you...like he just lost his whole family." Dre says. "I don't know, I guess she was worth it." I shrug. Dre hugs me as I try to just get over my pain.

I know I have a long journey ahead of me and it's not fair but I know I can do it, I'll be fine.