Extras🎬

August's Funeral

A/N - oh😍 bit shorter but oh well

TW: the whole scene is upsetting so yeah

Zane in this >>

~~~

Caleb

I never got to say goodbye to him.

Everyone who had told me I'd get to say goodbye to him today, as I watched my best friend's body be lowered into the ground in a fucking box, was a goddamn liar.

This wasn't closure, this wasn't the start of me healing, I wasn't remotely near feeling anything that could be deemed as okay and I knew it, my brothers knew it, Theo knew it.

I wasn't okay, and probably wouldn't be ever again.

I stared at myself in the mirror, not recognising the person opposite me at all; I hated myself more than anything.

I didn't see the signs that he wasn't okay, I didn't tell him he could talk to me, I didn't tell him how much he meant to Theo and I.

And it would eat me alive for every waking moment of the rest of my life.

I tugged on my tie and unbuttoned the first few buttons of my shirt, tugging the collar area of that too- I couldn't fucking breathe in here, not anymore. I barely acknowledged my bedroom door opening and closing, nor the hand that was placed on my arm to stop me tugging.

"Hey", I watched Chase's reflection in the mirror as he lowered my hand and dropped it at my side, fixing his glasses before staring at the pair of us in the mirror; he'd had some freakish growth spurt and now, even at 15, was at my shoulder, "you're gonna get through today Cub". I didn't believe him for a fucking second.

"When I see that box-", my breath hitched and I squeezed my fists together, nails digging into my palms, "it's gonna break whatever's left of me Chase". He stayed quiet, just standing next to me in the mirror and staring; I knew he didn't know what to say, and it was down to me.

"I think sometimes people have to hit their lowest point before they can get better", he said quietly, leaning his head against me and sighing, "so maybe you have to break before you get better?". I appreciated he was trying, aside from Zane he was the only one who wasn't giving me pity looks or walking on eggshells around me.

"Maybe", I nodded, re-buttoning my shirt and sighing, "I don't feel like I can get better right now".

"Nobody's rushing you", he told me, sitting on my bed next to my jacket with a huff, "but you'll try right? You won't-".

"Do what August did?", I filled in and he bit his lip, "no, never". And I meant it. After experiencing first hand the effects that suicide had on family and friends, I could never put my family, or Theo, through it; no matter how much my life went to shit.

"You boys ready?", the door opened with no warning, our eldest brother standing before us in full suit and tie, not much different from his usual attire.

"I'll never be ready", I muttered, tying my tie and reaching for my jacket beside Chase and shrugging it on, "I just need today over".

"Chase? Go see if the twins are ready hm?", that was code for 'get out and let me have a word with him'. Chase was never one to defy Zane, so he nodded and stood up, sending me a weak smile before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

Zane knew exactly how I was feeling right now.

He hadn't lost a best friend before, but he'd been there the day I lost August just over two weeks ago, he'd witnessed every second of me breaking down, been there for every moment when I wasn't okay.