Loca, Spider Monkey

147. Demetri Volturi - Closer

https://like-rain-or-confetti.tumblr.com/

You had always felt fear of the Volturi from day one of staying in the castle. That didn't stop you being nice, in fact, it only encouraged you to be nice. So you wouldn't be surprised if the Volturi did or didn't know of your fear since you did your best to hide it, which some days, was just an awful attempt.

You had gotten into a stickier situation however when Demetri confessed having feelings for you. Even though it had been three weeks since he told you and it still shocked you when you thought about it. Demetri didn't push you, simply stating that you deserved to know and to do with it what you wished. Apparently ignore it until it goes away was another option that even you didn't know about. You liked Demetri, you honestly did when you could push past the fear but his diet, his abilities, they frightened you.

"(Y/N)!" You blinked to find yourself in front of Demetri's bed. He was sitting on it and giving you an odd look.
"What time is it?" You asked.
"It's two-thirty in the morning."
"What am I doing here?" You looked at your surroundings once more.
"You were sleep walking." Demetri said after a moment. You shifted. "Oh, sorry... thanks for, uh, waking me. I'll just head back now."
You turned but only got a few steps towards the door before Demetri's voice stopped you.
"Why are you scared of me?" He sounded pained.
You froze. Of all questions he had to ask...it had to be that one?
You couldn't give him an answer, you couldn't find the words. What answer did you even want to give him?

You couldn't bring yourself to look him in the face, only managing to turn half way, eyes glued to the floor.
"Why?" He asked again, still sounding pained.
"I'm trying to figure out if you're capable of compassion, or kindness." You wanted to be sick. The words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them. You looked up sharply, putting a hand over your mouth.
Demetri's face moved from hurt to shock and back to hurt, but even more hurt than before. "Why?"
"I've never been around this before, I'm scared someone will hurt me if I'm not careful. I'm scared you're using me for some thrill or that you're not and you'll hurt me. I don't think any of you are capable of empathy."
"I've been nothing but kind to you-"
"To what cost!?" You might as well have ripped out Demetri's heart and stomped on it as he watched it.
You wiped at the tears threatening to fall. "I'm sorry. I am. I don't want to be afraid of you and I haven't forgotten what you told me, which only makes me not want to fear you anymore." You took a step back. "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I'm going to go." Demetri didn't stop you and you closed the door behind you.
You didn't lie, you didn't mean for it to come out so forwardly and it certainly wasn't the case. Sure you had doubts how in tune he was with his compassion but that didn't mean it didn't exist as you had put across.

The next night didn't seem to go much better. Heidi had passed you dinner for the day and Demetri and Felix were in the kitchen. You picked at your food, unable to enjoy it because you were very aware of the whispering and few glances towards you. Sure you couldn't hear what they were saying, but you didn't need to. In frustration, you dropped your fork before rubbing your eyes. "Something on your mind, (Y/N)?" Felix asked.
"No but it sounds like there's something on yours."
"Your actions tell otherwise, so what's the issue?" Demetri said irritated.
"You. You are my issue. I might be human but how dumb do you think I am to just sit here oblivious to you two talking about me. Just say it! Nothing ever stopped you in the first place!"
Demetri's tense demeanor erupted into one of anger. He kept his voice low, as he moved towards the table you sat at. Felix's eyes on him.
"I told you that I love you. I also told you that I haven't told anyone that, ever. So how dare you say to me that you don't think I have a heart." Demetri growled. "Oh yeah? Then why am I still in this castle for four months, going on five- against my will?" You seethed, fear forgotten in the heat of rage that rushed through your veins.
Demetri stared you down, trying his best to hold back his anger but was quickly losing.
"Right, enough. Both of you, that's enough." Felix put his arm in front of Demetri, forcing him to back away. "Demetri, go get some air." Demetri was gone immediately.

Felix crouched down beside you. "He's hurt. He wants to help you but can only do so much. He knows you didn't mean it."
"I haven't been out in months, there's nothing normal about any of this and it isn't that I don't feel the same for him but I can't help but feel guilty for his actions."
"You mean... you return his feelings?" Felix looked surprised and you nodded silently. "You can't take responsibility for him. I don't think you know just how much he cares for you. He's my best friend, i've known him for centuries and you have so much power over him. I honestly believe if you asked him to rip off his own hand, he'd have to talk himself out of doing it."
"I don't think I'm afraid of you anymore." You said after a moment of silence. "Yeah, well, my pure masculinity tends to strike the fear in even the bravest of soldiers." You laughed in response and Felix put a hand on your shoulder. "I'll talk to him, let him calm down and no doubt he'll come and see you like the love-sick puppy he is."

Later that night, nearly half one in the morning, there was a knock at your door. You called for the visitor to come in and jumped slightly to see Demetri. "It's late, you should probably be asleep." Demetri said softly, as he closed your door behind him. He didn't sound angry anymore, just sad.
"I can't sleep, no doubt i'll regret it tomorrow." You responded quietly. "Are you okay?" You asked. Demetri slowly nodded, not finding the will to look at you yet. "Yes." Before he could return the question, you quickly spoke. You couldn't help but notice how he was keeping his distance. "I owe you an apology." Demetri was about to respond but you knew what he was about to say. "No, I do. It wasn't your fault and you're right. You have been one of the nicest people here. I'll admit, what i said was a big exaggeration. All i can say for myself is that i never talked about it, so when it came out, it came out wrong and i regretted it. Im also sorry that i snapped at you earlier. There is no excuse for that and i don't blame you for getting angry with me."
"I know." Demetri said lowly, finally lifting his eyes to you. "Felix told me. I didn't mean to lose my temper like that. I felt awful once i calmed down and felt even worse when Felix told me you felt guilty."
"Can i call a truce then?" You cracked a smile and Demetri couldn't help the corner of his lip turning upwards. "I'll stand for that." He responded.
"What did Felix tell you earlier on?"
"Just that you didn't mean it and that you told him what had been on your mind. It wasn't his business to tell me, so he didn't say much."
"Then i should tell you what else i said." You prepared yourself.
"You don't have to." Demetri responded.
"I do and i want to. I think you should know." You purposefully used his words on him as he did when he confessed to you. A piece of you hoped he'd catch on but he didn't seem to. You patted the bed, your hand on the spot in front of you. "Come and sit with me, instead of being all the way over there. You're closer to the equator than me." Demetri laughed a little but was sitting with you in a moment. You took a breath, working up the courage to tell him. "Felix told you all but the most important part- which im kind of thankful for. It'd be strange otherwise." You took another breath. "I told Felix that not only did i feel guilty about what you did for moral reasons but also because i also have feelings for you. I just didn't know how to deal with them."
Demetri looked surprised. "You...you do?"
"Oh yeah." You nodded. "I mean, im just going to take Felix's advice and just go with it because i literally do not know what else to do. The whole, ignore it just isn't working and its making us both unhappy." You felt yourself becoming emotional, relieved and scared that you had let everything out into the open and in turn, out of your control. You pressed a hand to you face, shaking your head. "I'm sorry." Your muffled voice said from behind your hand. "It just feels so much better to have it all out."
"I bet." Demetri smiled in sympathy, it was sad to see how much you had kept bottled up. He sighed and leaned forward resting his head on your shoulder, eyes shut and pulling you closer to him, his hand meeting the other side of your head as you let another few tears fall.

After you had calmed down, he looked up at you. "Hey, look at me." You turned to him. His hand moved to your cheek as he kissed you gently. After a moment, you kissed him back, wrapping an arm around his neck and leaning closer to him. He pulled away and held you close to him. "We'll take this as slow as you want, only until you're ready and i'm going to help you get through this."

Felix was in his room, grinning to himself before saying quietly. "That's my boy." Demetri had finally got his mate, no one could tell Felix otherwise.