Loca, Spider Monkey

122. A Dystopia of the Soul (Volturi x Immortal!Reader)

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You were another specialty of the Volturi experiments. They had made you immortal but you remained human in every aspect. You had to eat, sleep, cry, laugh, be in the sun, interact with others. You just wouldn't grow any older. Of course, everyone including yourself had to learn that the hard way and it only really got easier for you when you had hit ninety years old but still looked like a teenager. By then, your whole family had died, only leaving your deceased brothers children who you'd never met. You found out more about them since your face appeared on the media and the more recent documentaries. Your father had begun to enjoy a good drink and your mother didn't talk about you. It was as though you never existed in her eyes. Your brother wanted to believe you were alive and well, living new life but could only fool himself until he was thirty. He told his children about you and now his children had their own. You would forgotten by the time your brother passed. You imagined he would be, he'd be ninety-seven if he is still alive. You doubted it. Your family weren't lucky in living long lives. You thought about your family sometimes but you had to admit, it was beginning to be difficult to remember them. You couldn't remember any of their voices and you couldn't remember your father's face.

Not that it mattered anymore, the Volturi were your family in your eyes, even if they didn't feel the same. It felt lonely at times being the only one like you. You didn't know if you could be considered human anymore but you weren't a vampire in the slightest. You just...existed. You tried to ignore the unwanted feelings which became a skill you had gotten very good at. However, not it wasn't always like that and when it wasn't you were sorely reminded of the toxic thoughts and feelings that rippled through you.

It was like an itch an the back of your head. An annoying buzz that you weren't entirely aware of. You wanted to feel light and upbeat as you always did but you had noticed that you didn't feel that as much as you used to. So you found yourself seeking that fix. Only Alec could make you feel that way, feel normal. You patted his harm as he looked down over his balcony. "Hey, you. What are you looking look at?" You asked with a warm tone in your voice.

"Hello, (Y/N)." Alec wore a small smile. "Nothing of interest, just taking a gaze. What about you? You've been awfully busy today. You're about to wear out the corridors." He teased.
"You know me, I like to keep busy." You grinned.

"Perhaps a little too busy, you don't seem to be your chirpy self nowadays." Alec said, his red eyes reflecting the sunset that threaten to break through the clouds.
"You know me well." You smiled at him.
"Has something been bothering you?"

You shook your head. "Nothing, I'm just not feeling and upbeat as I was." You playfully nudged his arm. "I'll survive though. You always make me feel better."
"I'm touched." Alec smirked. You caught his quick glance at you. His eyes travelling from your eyes to your lips, lingering before turning away almost reluctantly. "Are you alright?" You tilted your head. Alec nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. "Did you feed today?"
"Yes, an hour ago. I'm fine, (Y/N)."
"Would you tell me if you weren't?"
"Why does that matter?" His brow furrowed.

"Because I care." He turned back to you, seemingly startled. You immediately pressed your lips against his. Alec inhaled sharply before staggering back, forcing you to pull away. "I'm sorr-"
"You can't do that!"

"Alec, I'm sorry!" You were hurt that he had such a negative reaction.
Alec pressed a hand to his forehead. "I'm telling you, (Y/N). We can't. It would never work." He spoke much calmer. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. You nodded and walked away. Your heart shattered that little bit more when he didn't make the attempt to stop you. The thought rushed through your head in a loop, words that you didn't say. It was only a kiss.

It all went down hill from there. You didn't feel worse but the feeling lingered for much longer. The sinking feeling which made it feel like the world was too difficult to keep up with. Nothing was as you remembered. At first it was fascinating but now it's terrifying and wanted some sort of familiarity.

"The experiment has failed." Aro said bluntly. "I don't understand why I would have thought otherwise."

"Demetri, am I crazy?" You stared at Demetri, it didn't seem as though you knew Aro was there.
"...Yes." Demetri responded quietly. "Think about it (Y/N), your mind is still human. You cannot be mentally intact and live forever. You're not built for that. It's impossible."
You turned to Alec with sad eyes. "This was why wasn't it? You knew all this time." Alec didn't answer you but you knew him well enough to know that his silence was his confirmation. "That's really cruel." You felt your eyes water. "You were all waiting for this."

You closed your eyes for a moment and rubbed them. "This world is beginning to get confusing." You fumbled. "I'm dying." It came out like a sigh. You seemed startled by your own statement as it had just slipped out without you even thinking it. So you did the only thing you could in that moment and ran.

You didn't know what made you stop but you immediately halted in a corridor. You couldn't remember which corridor it was. Something was coming and you could feel it happening. You turned to the mirror beside you. Physically, you were fine, you were beautiful. You were healthy and had not a hair out of place. It was solid perfection yet you could feel it begin to fall apart at the seams.

You were destined to be destroyed. This story would have a bitter end. You wouldn't get a happy ending. You were grateful for this life but you wanted a death like the others. A death from a cause. You were a butterfly with the body of a caterpillar. Your instinct was to fly but you couldn't. There was something else. Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?

There was a sudden jolt and I staggered back slightly. I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror. I didn't look so perfect anymore. I had dark circles around my eyes and was thinner than I should have been. I looked ill, my hair disheveled unlike how I've been used to. My hair was always perfect. I always happy but my reflection is showing me otherwise. I looked ready to cry. I'm lost. I don't belong here. I shouldn't be in this world anymore. It feels like my head is being crushed and falling apart. I can't breathe. I'm beginning to slow down...I-

THUD.