Self proclaimed monsters (Loki x reader)

15. Memoma

~(Y/n)'s POV~

You wake up in the medical ward, the sun filters through the window. You feel refreshed after a nice long sleep. Loki is asleep with his head resting on your lap.

You adjust the bed so you can sit up. No one is in the room except you and Loki. You pet Loki's hair enjoying his touch.

You are starving but you don't want to wake Loki up. You don't remember enough to know exactly how your relationship was but you know you were very close.

You stay there like that, petting Loki's hair and letting your mind wander, until he stirs. He turns his head to look at you and his eyes light up.

"You're awake!"

You smile a little at his enthusiasm.

"I am, why are we in the medical ward? Are you okay?"

He sits up and you notice the dark circles of exhaustion under his eyes and that he's both thinner and paler than usual.

"I almost lost you, you almost died, you we're in a memoma for over a week, than you woke up only to fall into a deep sleep, you slept for four days and now here we are. How are you feeling now?"

"I almost died? How? What's a memoma? And how did you get them to release you?"

"I will explain other things later, Stark released me so I could heal you because you were dying. There were some rather loud arguments about wether they should leave me free but they came to the conclusion that since I hadn't technically done anything all that wrong, they wouldn't keep me imprisoned."

You nod your head, that makes sense.

"Now, answer my question, how are you feeling now?"

You feel your heart jump at the dominance in his command.

"I feel okay, no pain, I am really hungry though."

As if on que your stomach rumbles. Loki signals you to stand up and he has you walk back and forth in the room a couple times until he's satisfied that you're okay. He then takes your hand and teleports the two of you up to breakfast.

The second you arrive cheers go up all around the table and you have to put your hands over your ears to muffle the overwhelming noise. The team catches on pretty fast and they quiet down. You and Loki take your places at the table and Clint passes you a plate stacked with pancakes.

You put some of the pancakes on Loki's plate because somehow you know they're his favorite and you both devour them.

"Thanks Clint, these are really good, I haven't had your pancakes in so long."

Clint smirks a bit across the table and elbows Tony who gives him $20. You look between them,

"What was that?"

Clint replies while Tony just rolls his eyes and eats his food,

"Tony bet that you wouldn't want pancakes after being gone for so long, he said you'd want something more sophisticated."

You give Tony a look,

"Says the man who immediately got a cheese burger after escaping captivity. C'mon, you know me better than that"

"That's different"

"How?"

Nat cuts in from the other side of the table as Tony tries to formulate an answer,

"Don't be a sore looser stark"

The rest of breakfast goes by well, as if you never left, and afterwards Loki takes you up to the lounge where you met.

"What are we doing here?"

"I need to know how much you remember"

You chuckle at the irony,

"Actually the last thing I remember before waking up was you asking me what the first thing I remembered was"

He sighs and puts his head in his hands, tangling his fingers in his hair.

"Lokes? What's wrong?"

His head pops up,

"You didn't start calling me that until a while after that question"

You shrug

"Some things are just kinda there, without a specific memory, like knowing pancakes are your favorite. I can try to remember-"

"No! Don't. Don't try to remember, you'll get yourself into another memoma"

"What's a memoma?"

"It's the reason I never wanted them to mess with your memories, memory alterations are very dangerous. When you recover memories after having them blocked, a pain comes with it."

You nod your head, remembering that pain.

"That pain serves as a beacon to ground your consciousnesses, to keep it from getting lost in the memories. Without it, your consciousness has trouble finding its way back."

You nod again, acknowledging what he said.

"The longer your continuousness is away the harder time your body has sustaining itself, your body starts failing bit by bit until you are.. dead."

"Wow"

"it seems that for some reason you are not feeling the pain of the memories. until I figure out why we cannot risk you trying to recover memories. If you get into another memoma I-"

He blinks rapidly for a moment before looking right into your eyes.

"I don't know if I can get you back"