Mistakes and apologies

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The next day at lunch I knew I could then sit with lily as we had clearly made up and were in good terms again.

Except I searched everywhere in desperate need to sit down as I was tired and couldn't find her. But I found Matt and sat beside him.

"Hey." I smiled sitting down. He was with a few other people but not really talking to them.

"Hey I didn't expect to see you sitting next to me at lunch." Matt raised his eyebrows but laughed about.

"Oh god I'm sorry. I totally forgot about you and lily. I feel a bit stupid." I mumbled suddenly realising why I couldn't find lily - because she was avoiding Matt.

"Oh it's alright. We should be able to hang out... Right?" He asked a bit unsure.

"Yeah of course we should." I said feeling a little more comfortable. "Yeah...why not?" I laughed it off settling down a bit more relaxingly.

"Good, I'd miss hanging out with you otherwise." Matt said happily.

- - - - -

"Hey Jen can we go out tonight?" Lily cornered me standing in the middle of our psychology class.

"Oh tonight. Yeh I think so, I think I'm free." I mumbled trying to concentrate on what the teacher was saying and not what Lily was saying. I felt bad for her of course, going through a break up was tough but I also hated being bugged in class.

"What's this about tonight?" Lucy joined in smiling at me as she pulled up chair to our desk.

"Jen and I are going out, nothing big probably just down to that weird little pub, you know the only one that will serve us." Lily complained leaning against me.

"It's the only one that will serve us because we aren't 18 yet Lily." I snapped at her continuing with my work, we could talk at lunch, now was not the time. Sometimes I regret having taken psychology as it meant being distracted by Lily.

- - - - -

"Thank you." I smiled cheekily at the extremely hot guy that brought us our drinks. Lucy and Olivia were already throwing themselves at him and going to sit at the bit of the bar closest to where he was stood and so it was just Lily and I sat together at the other end.

"So you broken up with him yet?" Lily blurted out after a few drinks.

"George? Not yet. The sex is really good." I hummed slightly pissed.

"Understandable. You know you have to break up with him though or there's no chance for you and Richard." Lily joked leaning against my arm slightly.

"Richard would really not like us being here, alone." I mumbled glancing around at the dodgy bar we were in. "He certainly wouldn't like me going into that toilet and snagging the barman but I'm still thinking about it." I laughed drunkenly

"Like you could get hot barman guy." Lily scoffed. "I know your hot but no he's way out of your league."

"I could totally get him." I stumbled off my bar stood and skipped off behind the bar to find him. He looked a bit worried at first but then smiled as I approached him.

"Hey." He said looking me up and down.

"Hi." I smiled back at him. Then suddenly it happened all too fast and my reactions were super slow because I'd drunk way more than I has thought. He backed me up into the toilets whilst making out with me. Pushing his lips hard against mine and I didn't resist not at first.

"Is this what you wanted from me when you were staring at me behind the bar?" He whispered as I heard his zipper go down and I panicked. This was the last thing I wanted.

"No." I breathed.

"No? You sure sweetie?" He asked continuing the kissing but on my neck. I felt his hands wander south and I was moaning but not in pleasure. He was hurting me.

"No please stop." I begged.

"Why?" He laughed un doing my Bra and pulling it off me and I heard my skirt fall to the floor. "You look so pretty like this."

"Please-"

"Come on mate let's go. Leave the poor girl alone." A taller guy pulled at his shoulders and snatched him away from me and pushed him out the door. "I'm sorry uh--" he said as I scrambled to pull my skirt up and just stood casually beside him.

"Uh--Jenna." I said.

"I'm sorry Jenna, he's drunk too much, he's not meant to drink on the Job but I'm so sorry if you're hurt in anyway." He looked really scared.

"I'm fine he didn't touch me." I laughed a little finding the whole situation surprisingly funny.

"You sure you're alright?" The tall guy guided me out the toilets, round the bar and round past the corner until we reached Lily.

"Yes, I'm sorry...I was stupid." I smiled a little feeling very tipsy now.

"I recommend you go home Jenna." He patted my back as I sat down beside Lily once more.

"I recommend it too. I'm tired." Lily whispered placing an arm around me. It was only like 11 o'clock though as we knew the eagle would be checking at some point.

- - - - -

After finally making it back to dorm, I don't know how we did it, but we did it none the less. I collapsed onto my bed after having thrown up in the toilet. It wasn't bad, once I'd vomited once I didn't need to again and I peacefully fell asleep in my bed.

I woke up at about 2 in the morning as I felt something suddenly come on. I jolted out of bed thinking I was going to throw up and rushed for the loo only to empty the contents of my stomach into the bowl once again.

I felt horrible leaning against the bathroom door sitting on the dirty floor, feeling sick and tired. Then I felt a stuck of guilt as I remember something. I stood up grabbing my leather jacket and throwing over me as I ran down the corridor and quickly hammered on the door of a dorm room.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." I repeated over and over.

"Jen?" Marty said opening the door.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I am so so sorry." I repeated stressed out and folding my arms.

"It's alright." He mumbled tiredly.

"No it is not alright. It is not alright I forgot about breaking bad night. I am a bad friend and I am so sorry I have no excuses." I begged him sadly as I saw the disappointment on his face.

"It's no big deal I'm sure you had some important party to go to or something." He went to close the door.

"You're angry with me...please don't be angry with me. It was a mistake." I slammed my hand against the door to keep it open and talk with him.

"Just get over it that not everyone will always be happy with you." Marty said before closing the door in my face. Well that was a productive conversation. I felt even more sick and guilty and completely stupid for doing any of this in the first place.

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