dear choi hyunsuk~ (2021)

july 18th, 2021

7.18.21

hi hyunsuk!

how are you doing today?? i hope that you're doing well~~ ^^ i miss you a lot :> idk why, but it's just starting to get to me because i'm used to hearing from you :( especially on monday's cos your words really give me the motivation i need to start the week strong! but i just read some of your old tweets again, even if they aren't new; the words still give me the same warmth in my heart!!! and i know that you want to tweet as well, so i shouldn't complain- things are harder for you, but i guess i rely on you a lot more than i thought even T.T is that a bit weird? i just feel really thankful to be able to have someone like you in my life as the best and most positive role model i could ever ask for,, when i look to you for motivation for almost everything i do, and then suddenly you're not there to guide me,, i don't know.. i guess it's a bit hard on me, more than i'd like to admit. but i really do have to remind myself that you mean a lot to me and i couldn't imagine being in this life without someone like you to help guide me in the right direction,, you know that i just want the best for you, and i guess the root of this, it's also equally driving me nuts that i can't pinpoint how you're feeling, or what you're doing, i just hope that you're okay, but i can't be sure,, and i just hope that you know i'm always here to cheer you on!!

i guess since you haven't been posting, i am just left with my imagination to think about other things- and i was watching wrestling tonight, so i'm just sort of thinking about how i want to accomplish my own dreams still, and how i haven't yet. it drives me a little crazy, more than i'd like to admit, but always having you around is what reminds me to keep going, and things will get better if i keep working towards it. i won't give up on it, ever, cos i saw how persistent you were and how it eventually worked for you- i never want to wimp out, and be an embarrassment... i want to work hard, and show how great of an example you set, and not be a fan who would embarrass you! after watching you do your best for so long, i can't help but want to do the same and make you proud,, sometimes my fear gets the best of me, but especially when you're not here.. i try not to get into my head, and just think about the good times!! man, it really hasn't been that long but my resolve is starting to crumble. sometimes i can go awhile without hearing from you and i know that it'll be fine in the end, but i guess knowing the circumstances of right now, i'm worried about how you're feeling and how doyoung/junghwan are doing, and i'm worried for the rest of you if you might catch it. T_T it's probably a bit selfish, yeah? i mean.. i'm not the one having to deal with everything that's going on, not up close and personal anyway.

i think teumes are affected from what's going on, for sure... but i don't know if we should be? i think we should just be supporting you the best that we can, and we are of course! it's just i think some of us, like me- i guess to simply say it, we miss you, and we're worried. i'm so used to you just being my lifeline that even the shortest amount of time where i don't get to see you causes me a lot of distress T_T i'm sorry, though! i must sound really annoying, i've just been whining the whole time. but the point of these letters is to express myself and give good energy to you, right? i hope i, at least, was able to show you how much i love you, and i care about you a lot. you're always in my thoughts, and i'll always look out for you hehe. just take care of yourself okay? i guess that's all you can do right now, anyway. :ppp make sure you're in good health, and be sure to read teumes tweets and get some energy because we're always trying our best to send you a lot of love! <3 i'll try to write a better letter tomorrow, but until then.. i'll see you, okay? i'll look forward to the very exact moment, 'cause the ones with you are always the very best hehe. anyways, i will see you tomorrow my beloved!

i love you <3