dear choi hyunsuk~ (2021)

jan 2nd, 2021

1.2.21

hi, hyunsukkie~~!!

i've kept you in mind a lot today huhu~ i was kind of feeling apathetic about drawing and i was kinda going to end up lazy,, but then i thought of you and it inspired me to work harder :') i know if it was you in my shoes- you'd do your best!! so i thought- what can i do to push myself to do a little better~? i thought, i'll try something new! i really like for my drawings to be colourful- for each drawing i do, almost like.. all of them.. idk, i just honestly try my best to make it bright and just pop- you know ? :DD i'm not sure why, but bright and shiny is my favourite thing about drawing,, but i thought what shines brighter than the stars in the sky? so, i'm practicing to make my style more ~space~ like, and it's almost imitating an artist i like- so i suppose you could call it both intuition on what i want to do, as well as inspiration from the artist i have in mind :') but ahh, i just want to do my best- i don't think i would've been able to push myself if i hadn't thought of you. so like always, i just wanted to say thank you!!

you know, maybe the reason why i like to do colour so much has something to do with you- might not make sense, so let me explain! my thought process is just simply that, art reflects the artist and their feelings , most times. even tho i'm a fan artist, i can still express myself~ i think the colours represent my feelings, and anything that makes it shiny represents the brightness that you make me feel!!! i think my styles tend to reflect my moods; anyways. when i draw a lot of black and white, i'm either trying to do one of two things: try to make it really good so i can flex it, or that means i'm sad. or both?!? ㅎㅎ i dunno- but most times, when i draw i try to use a lot of bright colours and add a lot of sparkles :>> feelings can be like colours,, there's a lot of wide varieties of them and looking at them makes you feel different things- if that makes sense?? i'm not really sure how to explain it, but i think there's always a connection with the artist and their art,, i always make my stuff bright because you make me feel that way!! you've brightened up my life a lot and make me happy all the time, so in some way, i want to express that in my art :') it might not be my number one passion, but it's one of those things i want to get better at, for you!!

i can't decide if i want to practice my drawings, or work on our letter for 800 days- i mean, the letter is definitely more important. but a part of me is thinking to wait 'til there's more stuff that happens, more stuff coming out triggers more feelings to flow, i don't want the letter to feel forced cause i was making myself write, but i still do want to work on it today~ but then again, practicing my new style sounds fun so i can do something for you!! i wanna get good at it, so then i can draw you in it :D that's the plan- i won't do yours until i feel really ready for it!! you work hard to give your best to treasure makers, so i want to work hard to give you a good drawing, too!! i feel like that last drawing of you and chilli i did- i mean, it wasn't horrible!! i think i'm improving a little, and i spent a lot of time trying to make it nice for you- but there's some areas that are still lacking. so all i have to do, is think of you and i'll feel inspired to keep doing my best!!! you're the most amazing role model in this world, you really push me to do better all the time and that's one of the many reasons why i love you so much :(

also- your presence has been really comforting to me lately!! more so than usual, i mean. you're always comforting to me, but to be honest??? i feel like i'm bothering my friends lately, so i decided to distance myself a little :< so i'm kind of lonely, i haven't talked to any of my friends in days but i know it's the right thing to do :p i want them to be happy, so this is my way of trying to help- i'd do anything T_T but just watching you, it fills the gap <3 so thank you for always providing comfort and making me happy, you always manage to do it but i'm extra grateful in the moments where i'm emotionally hurting- you have no idea. so i just wanted to say thank you! things like this are another one of the reasons why i want to work really hard for the milestone letters- it's not just expressing love, which is the big thing of course! but it also documents the feelings that grow over time, and explaining really in depth i guess how important you are and how you always help-

sometimes, i don't want to talk about things that are troubling in the daily letters- even tho you don't read them, i just pretend it's like a (one sided, i guess- ㅎㅎ)conversation, and in real conversations with my friends i rarely talk about anything upsetting, so the habit follows over to my letters- but milestone letters are explaining how you've always been an important presence in my life, from the very beginning to each passing second, and to emphasize it, i might bring up things that can be considered upsetting. but it all comes back around, i just do it to remind you how important you are to my life, someone i couldn't do without. you're everything to me, and i just hope you know how amazing you are. you're truly one of the most amazing people in this world and i just hope *you* know that too- don't ever doubt how great you are!!! you make so many people's lives better, and even in some cases you save them, 나처럼 :') (ㅠㅅㅠ btw i hope it doesn't look weird but i kind of want to mix more korean into my letters so i can practice-!!) anyway though, it's really a sign of your character if you can improve the lives of so many, just by doing what you love and being around people to important to you. treasure is more than just a kpop group you know, you guys all really have something special, you're all so unique to the world, and i'm so glad thanks to you i also have 11 other boys irreplaceable to my heart.

the day you entered my life was the day you saved it and i'm just so constantly grateful for the way you make my heart happy, i couldn't get through the days without you. even when i feel alone and i'm crying by myself, wondering why my friends lost interest in me, crying because i miss hana and i'm thinking about how unfair everything was.. doubting myself, like literally- anything that makes me upset on the regular, when i remember i have you and i have the others.. it puts a smile on my face, it reminds me that i have a lot to live for. all of those reasons though, come right back to you. you're the reason for my being, your voice is healing and your personality is so comforting- but every single bit about you, is something i love. to me you're perfect, and i'm really grateful that i have a real life guardian angel. before i might have doubted them, but now that i have you- i know that such a thing is real. they don't have to be a real life version of the typical concept of an angel- just rather, a person who fills those qualities. you keep me away from bad things and heal my heart on the days it'll start trying to self destruct- when it tries to focus on the bad, just having you around will redirect me to the good, and all of the amazing things in life. but again, all of those amazing things include you in them, so that's how i know with the most absolute certainty you're 100% the reason for all of my happiness.. and i'm always grateful for it.

whew- that was a long letter for today, but my favourite days are the ones where i can 'talk' with you for awhile! i don't know if it was selfish or not,, i usually don't talk about art that long in here- but like i said, i'm not really talking with anyone else, so it just sort of came out. i hope you don't mind!! (at least i didn't start crying about video game boys right?? hahah so i guess it could be worse) anyway- the important thing is i hope you're doing well!! i know you're busy, but i hope you make time to rest and are eating well <33 that's the most important thing!! you move around a lot and exert a lot of energy- so it's important to replenish your body, but i know you will. :D i just feel better saying it, and i'll feel better saying this too- be sure to stay warm!!! i just want you feeling your best, and that's in every aspect too, including your feelings, so pls focus on the well deserved love you're getting from teumes if you need a little energy boost!! when i need energy, i think of you and i'm good to go- so i hope teumes have the same effect~ you can lean on us when you need to!!! but ahh, that's all then <33 i'll look forward to the very next minute i can write you again, my favourite boy <333

take care of yourself, you deserve to be at your best, always! please have a nice day, okay? i'll see you tomorrow mr 천사!!
i love you!!!