Ten Sins || #Wattys2015

Chapter 193

What are we fighting for?..

Rebecca's POV

"I'll be fine guys, seriously, you don't have to stay here and babysit me." I groaned, holding the door open.

"I can stay with you and we can watch a movie or something." Emily suggested, moving her hands.

I shook my head. "No, you girls go have fun, you don't have to stay here with me." I assured.

Hannah and Emily locked unsure looks and I sighed. "Go." I shooed, moving my hand.

They both nodded. "Alright, but if you need anything just call us, okay?" Hannah said, pointing at me.

"Yes. Have fun and don't drink too much." I teased and they both chuckled.

"Can't promise you that, dear." Emily winked.

Hannah pushed her. "Let's go, bye Becca!" she blew me a kiss before the giggling girls walked down the hallway.

"Bye." I called after them and closed the door.

I sighed heavily and walked over to my bed before taking a seat. After Harry's and I's intense small fight, I don't feel like going to the club, or doing anything else. His eyes..they woke up the pain inside of me and his words..they made my heart tug.

Why does he still have that affect on me? Why does he still have to make me feel this way when I don't want to do this anymore?

You know why but you don't want to admit it.

I shook my head to get rid of the thought. That stupid voice in my head has judged me more than thousand times already, I don't want to experience it again. I closed my eyes shut and grabbed a pillow before hiding my face in it. Harry's voice won't leave my head alone for just a damn second. It's like a tape that keeps playing on rewind.

"Stop lying to me and to yourself! You know you still love me and you know deep down that I wouldn't ever hurt you in such a terrible way!"

No, that's not true. I don't feel the same way as I did. I don't know him at all. He's a complete liar and a very good actor. He was acting all this time and I believed him. That hurts my ego and my confidence. I feel so stupid, because every lie he said I believed it was true.

"Just let yourself feel it. Let your heart speak instead of your mind."

He doesn't even know how empty I feel inside, how can he say that? How can he just through the 'heart' thing in my face whilst he knows damn well that he broke her into pieces and now she doesn't exist? Anger flooded through me and I pulled back the pillow, my eyes glaring ahead.

I stood up and grabbed the telephone that was on the nightstand before ordering a bottle of wine. I should just drown my misery with wine. I waited for a few minutes, pacing back and forth, my hands fidgeting with my tee. I needed to drink. The thought that Harry was probably going to the club with the team tonight haunted my mind. He's going to be there and get drunk and God knows what he'll do.

Minutes later, I had knocks on the door. The young man brought my wine and a glass and I thanked him before I closed the door and placed the cold bottle on the bed. I needed to drink all of it but for a moment I wasn't sure if only one bottle will be enough. You're not that much of a drunker either way, Rebecca. I sighed and kept pacing back and forth, Harry's words always following after me.

This shouldn't be happening all over again. I shouldn't be hurt because of what he said. I shouldn't be worried about him going to the club. I shouldn't be thinking of him all the damn time.