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I knew I couldn't just sit in my kitchen, I knew I had to get up and do something about the situation at hand. I stared at the rose on the counter for a good few minutes before collecting myself, grabbing my keys and heading out the door.
When I got in the car the first thing I knew I had to do was make a phone call. I connected my phone to the car and felt my nerves grow as the phone rang.
"Hey" I heard Leon's voice through the speaker. "Is everything ok?"
"I'm...I'm really not sure honestly" I spoke slowly.
I truly didn't know what was happening but I figured until I sorted it all out, there was no way I was going to stick Leon in the middle of it.
"Are you hurt? Do you need something?" He asked with concern.
"No, no nothing like that. I just, I just think that maybe we need to hold off on going out. As much as it hurts to say that, I have a lot going on right now and I don't want to throw you into the middle of it"
"I mean, that sucks but I appreciate your honesty and I'll be here when you're ready...if you're ever ready"
"I promise I'll explain everything when I get a chance, it's just very complicated and I'm not sure how to deal with it all right now" I said sadly tears starting to form.
"Believe me, it's ok. I understand and I'll always be here if you need anything ok?" He spoke comfortingly.
"Thanks Leon, I'll talk to you later"
After an exchange of goodbyes I disconnected and pulled into Connor's driveway. Talking with Leon had made me even more heated with Connor and my anger was about to bubble out of me.
My knock on the door was close to a pounding.
"Y/N?" Connor asked shocked when he opened the door.
"How dare you?!" I yelled pushing my way past him and into his place.
"How dare I...what?" He asked closing the door.
"How dare you leave like that?! You think hinting at something like that, telling me it would ruin me and walking out on me wasn't going to hurt like hell? Because it did and it still does." I took a deep breath.
He sat in silence staring at me. I could tell he wanted to say something but he wouldn't, he finally looked up at me and spoke quietly.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing, I thought you would at least have something to say but...never mind" I turned to leave.
I couldn't believe after everything he didn't have not one single word to say. I opened the door fully prepared to leave.
"I didn't expect to fall in love with you" he finally spoke quietly.
"What did you just say?" I stopped halfway out the door only turning the top half of my body to face him.
"It wasn't part of the plan, Y/N. I never meant for this to happen"
"Why do you keep talking like it would be the worst thing in the world for you to actually have feelings for me?" My voice started rising again.
"Because I don't want to hurt you, why is that so hard for you to understand?"
"Because I don't understand, I don't understand how you caring for me would hurt me"
"Because I've never felt like this, I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to handle it and I'm going to mess it up and hurt you and I can't do that to you"
"Connor" I moved closer to him placing a hand on his arm. "This is something we can figure out together. This is a new feeling for me too, you think I know how to handle it? No, and I might mess it up too but it's not something we can't handle together"
I searched his face, eagerly awaiting a reaction, an answer...anything. He said nothing, instead he grabbed my face in both of his hands and kissed me hard.
"We can't keep going around in circles, McDavid" I started, moving to step away from him before he pulled me back to him wrapping his arms around my middle.
"No more circles, be with me. Be with me for real. Let me call you my girl, let me show you off. Be mine and only mine"
"I was never anyone else's, my heart was always yours whether you wanted it or not"
"I want it, baby. I want it"
"I love it when you call me baby" I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his lips to mine.
We had tried so hard to fight the fact that our feelings ran deeper for each other than we were willing to admit that we lost sight of the fact that something amazing was growing between us. We set up rules to keep ourselves from getting hurt, but it was our own rules that hurt us the most in the end.
