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I had tried everything I could to fall asleep early given I had an early morning. After all my usual methods failed, I made some soothing tea and parked myself on the couch right as the doorbell rang.
I checked my phone to see the time. 11pm. Who would be dropping by so late without a warning?
"It's me" I heard Kirill's voice on the other side of the door.
I quickly made my way to the door and pulled it open to his smiling face.
"What are you doing here?" I asked with a smile pulling him into a hug.
"I had a game, when I got in the car I just drove here without thinking. I'm sorry it's a little late" he explained in his accent I had grown to find adorable.
When I had first met Kirill, randomly and unexpectedly, we became quick friends. I started to feel like that friendship was growing into something more, but once I started getting my hopes up something made sure to crush them so I tried with all my might not to focus on that.
"It's ok, I couldn't sleep anyways" I shrugged a small smile still on my face.
To tell the truth, I was happy he was there. Anytime I got to spend with him I was happy about, even if I should be sleeping.
"Everything ok?" He asked taking off his jacket and making himself comfortable on the couch with me.
"Yeah, I think I'm just really nervous about this work meeting tomorrow" I shrugged.
"That's tomorrow? That's early you should be sleeping" he fumbled over his words trying to speak too quickly.
"I tried everything and I just can't. I don't know what's wrong" I breathed out.
"Something bothering you?" He asked slowly.
"No" I said quickly.
Even he knew the real answer was yes. We hadn't known each other all that long, but I felt like he could already read me like a book. And that, that's what was bothering me.
He was perfect for me, everything I could have asked for in a boyfriend and yet somehow we remained in this odd state of limbo.
"Fine, lie to me" he chuckled making me laugh myself.
"Things are just stressful and...complicated. That's the best way I can explain it" I played with the blanket that was covering my lap.
"I shouldn't have come" he started to stand up.
"Hey-" I started before he cut me off.
"I'm sorry" he went to move to the door.
"For?" I asked confused.
"Me coming by probably isn't helping you" he shrugged. "Are you sure everything's ok?" He asked again almost questioningly as he searched my face.
"Yeah, of course" I offered the best smile I could. "I'll be fine, just go"
"Ok I'll go, if you tell me you want me to go" he said seriously.
"What?" I asked in pure shock.
"I'll go, if you tell me that's what you really want" he spoke slowly, definitively.
"I don't, I don't know what you mean" I shook my head slightly.
"You tell me to go, I go. You tell me to stay, I stay" he motioned with his hands.
"That's not what I want" I managed to get out barely above a whisper.
"It's not?" I could see his brain working a mile a minute as I watched him.
"No, of course it's not. I want you to stay. I always want you to stay. I hate it when you leave and I hate it when we're not together" I ranted all in one breath.
"Then let me take care of you" he took my face in both his hands, his eyes never leaving mine.
"You want to take care of me?" I swallowed hard.
"I always want to take care of you" he rubbed his thumbs over my cheeks softly.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer into my embrace.
"Stay. Please don't go" my eyes were wide with anticipation of his next move.
"I wasn't going to" a small smile played on his lips before he brought mine against his.
He brought me against him for a tight hug the second he pulled away, my arms gripping onto him as I took a deep breath.
"Finally" I giggled nervously.
"What?" He asked amused.
"I just, I can't believe you finally did that. You should have done that a long time ago" I breathed a small laugh.
"I was nervous" he chuckled softly, his laugh making me giggle.
"Nervous? Why? I'm clearly crazy about you" I pulled back to give him a smile.
"I wasn't sure" he returned my smile.
"Well I'm glad you do now" I relaxed more in his arms, finally starting to feel relaxed enough to sleep.
"Me too" I could hear the smile on his face. "I'm a little bit crazy about you too"
"I wasn't sure" I grinned mocking his words.
"Well" he pulled away enough to look me in the eyes. "Now you know" he kissed my forehead gently.
"Stay the night?" I asked pulling away from him and tugging him by the hand deeper into the living room.
"Sure" he grinned at me as I stopped to turn off the lights. "You need sleep though, my girlfriend has a big morning" he wrapped his arms around my waist with a wide smile against my cheek.
"Trust me, I don't think I'll have any trouble falling asleep now that my boyfriend's here" I turned in his arms, wrapping mine around his neck.
"I like hearing you say that" he spoke happily, the smile never leaving his face.
"I like being able to say it" I pecked his lips quickly. "Let's get to bed...boyfriend"
As he pressed his lips to mine again with a smile before leading the way to my room, I couldn't help but smile. We may not have been sure about how the other felt, but the one thing I was always sure of was how perfect he was for me.
I had no trouble falling asleep anymore, not with him next to me.
