Our Time (BILLIE EILISH)

- O n e h u n d r e d & t w e n t y e i g h t -

I started to play my playlist, and I drove back to my place, I wanted to be there for a second. Just enough to change and head out of there. Just so I can go to the event, the sooner I get the sooner I can be happier.

I walked into my house, to my whole family sitting on the couches, I rushed up stairs, and walked into the bathroom. The outfit was hung up on the shower rod, I changed quickly, brushed my hair. I walked back out of my bathroom and sat on the bed as I put on my shoes. I walked to the desk and picked out the jewelry that looked best with this outfit.

I walked back down the stairs, and everyone was looking at me.

Billie: "What?"

Finneas: "You're visibly stressed."

Billie: "Don't worry about it, are y'all not going to Maddie's release party?"

Claudia: "We're going later, it doesn't start until eight, it's five right now."

Billie: "What?"

I looked at my phone, to see that it's 5:14. What the fuck? Why am I rushing? Why am I like this? Anyways, Maddie takes forever to get ready and she has a whole team that helps her.

I sat on the couch next to Claudia, I stopped rushing and I took a moment to breathe. I watched what they were watching, but I couldn't focus on it. There was just everything, on my mind, right now. There is nothing I can do about it right now wither, I will never be happy, until Maddie is happy with what she's doing and I have to make her happy before I leave for tour. I will never forgive myself if I can't make her happy.

It's not my job to fix her career problems, but it is my job to make her happy, she said it herself that I'm her only source of happiness. I didn't clock it at first, when she said it. But that meant everything to me, but it also broke me in half, knowing that she relies on me for happiness. When I'm not necessarily happy all the time, she said it herself, she vibes off of me, if I'm sad she's sad. What the hell.

Finneas: "Bil, are you okay?"

Billie: "Yes, I'm fine, Maddie told me something and it really put a lot stress on me."

Finneas: "What did she tell you?"

Billie: "She told me that she feels stuck in her career, and I understand that she can feel that way, it's common to feel that way with the career that she does. But she shouldn't feel like that right now especially, she is seventeen with a line with Calvin Klein, name someone else doing the things that she's doing at this young. I don't know, I don't know what to do."

Finneas: "I mean look at it from her angle, she's only seventeen at the top of the world. She's stuck up there, her numbers can get bigger, but what if she can't get bigger?"

Billie: "She can get bigger! She works for small ass companies right now, she could move on to do bigger things, she could be a runway model and make hella money, I went to her hometown, she's not used to this. This is so much for her, she's not used to being loved like this, she's not used to actually being cared for, she's not used to having a stable career. I hate that she feels this way!"

Finneas: "Bil."

I looked at him.

Finneas: "You're crying."

I wiped my eyes.

Finneas: "You're under pressure, because you leave for tour in ten days and you're scared that you're not going to be able to get Maddie into shape."

Billie: "I just want her to be happy, and I hate that she feels this way. She said it herself, she should feel like she's on cloud nine. But she's felt like this for a long ass time now, I wanna talk to Kenzie, I wanna talk to Dani and the twins. I want them to tell me what to do, what should I do?"

Finneas: "You should tell her what you told me, you should tell her that you know how she feels, you don't know how she feels. But you looked at her from her perspective. Tell her that she's young and at the top of the world, her numbers can get bigger but she doesn't feel like she can get bigger, tell her bigger things that she can do, and tell her bigger things that she could work towards. You can't wonder about it, you have to talk to her."

Billie: "You're right, but when am I going to talk to her?"

Finneas: "Not tonight, don't ruin her night."

Billie: "I mean well obviously."

I looked at my phone, I still had an hour before I had to be at Maddie's.

Finneas: "Talk to me more, I know that's not all on your mind."

Billie: "I don't know, she told me that I'm her only source of happiness. That put so much pressure on me because I'm not always happy, and she said that she vibes off of me, If I'm sad, then she's sad. The thing is, is that I don't have a reason to be sad, she does. I can't be mad at her for feeling this way, she is amazing at what she does. Shit, with the way things are going, she could retire at twenty-six! I don't want her to have five seconds of fame, I want her to keep going for so long, because I want her to be able to tell our kids that she had an amazing time doing what she did, I don't want her to tell them, that she retired the second she was able to."

Claudia: "Awwww, you said 'our kids.''

I smiled at what I said.

Billie: "I said that huh?"

Finneas: "It's cute, are you gonna tell her that?"

Billie: "No, I don't want her to be mad at me."

Finneas: "She's not going to get mad, this is something that she needs to hear."

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billie finally had a breakdown.

thanks ily

words: 1032