Our Time (BILLIE EILISH)

- N i n e t y f i v e -

I saw her eyes flick down to my lips and I laughed because I thought it was funny that she wanted to kiss me, once she started to lean in, I leaned in. I could feel her breathing change as she realized what I was doing, my breathing changed when I realized what I was doing. I have a girlfriend, that I claim to love. If I loved her, I wouldn't have temptations to do this. That thought made me question everything, but no matter what happens. Maddie needs me, and I have to stay loyal. Not for my wellbeing, but for her's, if it weren't for me she'd be in such a bad place. 

Our lips were millimeters apart, we both stopped leaning in at the same time. I bit my lip to resist the urge that had come over me. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can not do that to Maddie. We both just sat there, waiting for the other one to make a move. Believe it or Kylie doesn't seem like a home wrecker, if I did it then she would do it. But she knows where I stand with Maddie so she wouldn't go first. I leaned away before she was able to make a move. 

I exhaled, hating myself for even having the temptation to do that to Maddie. " I have a girlfriend." 

Kylie: "Don't tell her this happened, it was a mistake on both our parts. 

Billie: "You're right." 

Fuck, Maddie! I was supposed to go over there!

I got my phone out of my jacket pocket and to see 23 missed calls and 12 missed texts, she's going to beat my ass.

Billie: "Omg you're kidding."

Kylie: "Hm?" She leaned over my shoulder.

Billie: "She's going to beat my ass."

Kylie: "Why?"

Billie: "Because I was supposed to be there hours ago."

Kylie: "I'm sorry, let me take you over there."

Billie: "No, I drove here it's fine. Look you're a good girl and you have an amazing personality, and really pretty eyes and I swear to god if you tell me they're contacts I'll be pissed. But friends?"

She looked at me, then looked into my eyes.

Kylie: "Friends." She gave me a hug while I rushed to the door.

Calling Maddie's Kenzie.

Kenzie: "What do you need Billie?"

Billie: "You have a key to Maddie's apartment?"

Kenzie: "Yeah, why?"

Billie: "Because I fucked up and I need that key more than anything."

Kenzie: "Okay you know where the studio is?"

Billie: "Yes."

Kenzie: "I'm still here, hurry and come get it I'm tired."

Billie: "I'll be there so quickly." 

Call ended. 

I was driving to the studio to pick up the key, there was no way I was going to tell her that I had a temptation to cheat on her. Okay Billie you're fine, let's think here. What causes temptations? Boredom, I'm not bored with Maddie. Everyday it's something new. Repetitiveness, no like I said something new every damn day good and bad ways. I love Maddie, I know you now think I don't but I really fucking do. I don't claim that I love her, I do love her, I don't have to say I love her to prove that I love her. 

Okay not that Maddie's not intimidating because she is, in a soft way. That sounds horrible, but like I can't resist her. Kylie on the other hand it very intimidating in a hard way, like she's intense and fierce . Maddie has that side too, dude okay I love Maddie and only Maddie. I wanna be done thinking about this.