Our Time (BILLIE EILISH)

- F o r ty s e v e n -

The next day, Monday, July 8th.

Billie's POV: 

I didn't sleep, like at all. I was so focused on what I said. I don't even remember what I said, once I saw the tears start to form in her eyes. That shit broke me, I was staring at her eyes the entire time as she focused on the wall behind me. I was hoping to make eye contact with her, but nothing. I watched the fucking tears form in her eyes.

The second I walked in the door, I could tell something was up and the way she kicked me out. Something's not right with her, I don't want her to rush what she's doing. But I just wish she would tell me already so we can be over it, so she's not always so spaced out. I hate to see her like that because she's doing this all for my sake.

I looked at my phone to look at the time and it was six am on the dot. I groan as I look to see Maddie as my lock screen, that was the night I found out she's not going on tour with me. That night broke me but it was still fun.

There was a knock on the door. I threw myself on my bed pretending to be asleep .

Finneas: "I know you're not asleep I heard you pacing literally two seconds ago, you came home last night. What's up?"

My head was buried in a pillow so my voice was muffled.

Billie: "Wish I could fucking tell you."

Finneas: "Bil."

Billie: "I don't fucking know! What don't you understand."

Finneas: "I want you to talk to me."

Billie: "How am I going to talk to you when there's nothing to talk about?"

Finneas: "There's always something to talk about when it's about Maddie."

He does have a point.

I take my head out of the pillow and I give him an irritated look. 

Finneas let himself further in my room and sat in the same spot as he did as our last talk.

Billie: "Okay I don't know how to start this, but basically I was asking her about like small gestures that she likes because I'm that bitch. Anyways, and then I said something, I don't remember what I said which isn't like me at all. I cherish every moment with that girl and this one moment, I cant fucking remember it for shit. You wanna know why I cant remember it? Because I watched the tears form in her eyes at what I said." My voice broke at the end, because I'm beating myself up for this. I never let anyone see me on the verge of tears.

Finneas: "I understand that you blame yourself... once again. But you shouldn't."

Billie: "Why the hell not? You don't understand." I moved closer to him. "I. watched. the. tears. form. in. her. eyes. at. what. I. said." 

Finneas: "Explain in detail what happened, remember what you can."

I exhaled.

Billie: "Okay so she was standing at her island eating... Cheezits. I was like I'm going to name gestures and you tell me what ones you like and she was already down for it. So I said late night adventures and the she said that she goes to this wall ledge thing when she needs to think and it overlooks the city. Then she went on this whole thing why she doesn't wanna take me there, because it's like that's the only place that she has to herself anymore. Then I told her about my wall." I gestured to behind me. "Then I said something else and I don't remember what I said. But I watched her freeze dead ass in her tracks, Cheezit in her hand and I moved over to be in front of her but that didn't do anything. I stared into her eyes, hoping that would fix whatever was happening with her. Then I watched her eyes glass over and then I saw the tears in the bottom of her eyes. Then that broke me, I said something like earth to Maddie. After I said that a couple times that kicked her back into reality, she looked down and inhaled. Before slapping the fakest smile I have ever seen, even faker than the one that she gave Nicole at the mall and that one low-key hurt. Like I saw the smile that she gave Nicole and I could tell how forced it was, because I always see her real smile. But the smile that she gave me, it looked like it took all the strength that she had to force it. She had to force a smile around me. Not to eat my own ass but I'm funny as hell, normally we can barely look at each other seriously. Like we're always laughing. And to see her look at me like that, was something I thought I would never see." 

Finneas just stared at me not knowing what to say as he can see the tears in my eyes.

Billie: "Yeah I don't know what to do either."

Finneas: "You don't let people see you cry ."

Billie: "Yeah I know that."

Finneas: "What happened after she came back to reality?"

Billie: "She gave me the fakest smile, inhaled and said something along the lines of bye, I love you, I'll text you when I text you. Then I asked if I did something wrong, and she said of course not. She didn't even kiss me or anything."

Finneas: "Does she know something?"

Billie: "What do you mean?"

Finneas: "Like did you do something prior, did someone tell her something?"

Billie: "I don't think so, I was the only person that she was with for like 4 days. It's either she's with me or Kenzie."

Finneas: "Would Kenzie say something to like sabotage your relationship?"

Billie: "No, she supports the hell out of us."

Finneas: "What's been bothering her lately?"

Billie: "Nothing that I know of, ever since we saw Nicole at the mall. She's been a little off."

Finneas: "If I was her, I'd be off too."

I looked at him.

Finneas: "I mean from what I know, if I was with a girl that didn't care for me at all for nine months and then she fucked my best friend. Yeah it would hurt to run into her, especially when you're with someone new that you love."

I looked at him, I guess he had a point. But I just wish she'd talk to me instead of shutting me out.

Billie: "I don't know bro, I just wish she'd talk to me instead of shutting me out."

Finneas: "She doesn't wanna talk about it yet."

Billie: "Yeah I know that, but she could talk to me about she feels or what's going through her mind. I don't have to reply, I can just be someone she can talk to and I won't judge her or anything. But no, she says she trusts me which I do believe. But I know it's still constantly on her mind, I feel like by time she tells me. She's literally going to prepare to lose me, even though she's not going to lose me. She thinks that this one-sided but if I didn't have her... I'd be fucking miserable."

Finneas: "I can tell how much she means to you."

Billie: "I haven't known her for that long, but I'm already so attached to her dude. Imagine by the time I leave for tour, I will literally explode. If I'm already this attached, I don't know what I'm going to be like when tour comes."

Finneas: "When you first met her, did you ever think that it would go this far?"

Billie: "I didn't know she was bi, until she told me straight up. Then I was like maybe, then like two hours later she kissed me." 

Finneas: "I don't know what's going on with her, I couldn't begin to tell you. But I promise you that this is something you guys will work out. So don't trip too hard. Just give it a little bit of time." 

Billie: "Thank you bro, I don't know what I would do without you."

Finneas: "No problem, now get some sleep. I love you goodnight."

Billie: "I love you too. No promises on the sleep part though." I smile lightly. 

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little filler i guess

thanks ily

words: 1410