ᴀɴᴀꜱᴛᴀꜱɪᴀ ꨄ︎

ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟʟᴇʀ

Anastasia's pov:

Guns N' Roses at the Ritz in the summer of 1988.The tour lasted way longer than anyone anticipated as there was a debate on whether we should ever leave,I became in-fluctuated with New York and it was my favourite city besides La of course,Seattle was maybe third favourite but the Ritz theatre just kept on booking more and more shows as summer came to and end we were all burned out,Su was getting further and further along with her pregnancy and I got to watch Eden grow so much despite me barely seeing my friends as I was with Gilby for most of it.

It was a time to be alive if you loved music.Even better if you were dating the ones who made it.
We stayed in The Plaza hotel for around three months,during those months I'd become some sort of an addict..again.I was so obsessed with cocaine and hard drugs that I swore off I'd become a total mess.Erin had a child and Su was pregnant and nobody liked Renee so I was the only girl who could really party with no responsibilities and could actually keep up with the boys.

Luckily for me Gilby found my willingness to basically do anything attractive.We'd stay out all night and sleep all day then wake up for the show in the Ritz theatre and film music videos and then get straight back on the dirty streets of New York to party.I was actually enjoying dating him and Duff didn't minds either,as he called it early every night and gave up his party lifestyle to go care for Susan and his growing baby,I could do literally anything,including cocaine without him there.

I even made some friends in New York and was reunited with some old friends.Metallica were doing a press tour after the long awaited return ever since an incident occurred which lead to them hiring a new bassist.I even ran into some of Mötley Crüe and of course they didn't remember me at all,especially Nikki who offered me Zombie Dust which had f*cked me up pretty bad when I took it from him in a club in La but I basically snatched it off him this time.It basically shut off your mind,you didn't think of feel anything but you could still do whatever you wanted just without thinking of the consequences,which I was very good at.

I used to pop pills to not feel anything but I realised that Cocaine substituted really well since I forgot my pills,they helped me relax and live the care-free life I'd always wanted.I didn't know why I started drugs again,Gilby convinced me too and I guess it made me feel safe doing it with someone else,I was comfortable with him and basically trusted him with my life for whatever stupid reason but he always wanted to do more.

If we did coke he's want to try crack and heroine and all sorts of hallucinogens.I knew better,I always tried to decline but I always felt pressured to do what he wanted me to do or else he'd get mad and not speak to me.It was so weird and bizarre how reliant I'd became on Gilby.

I did a couple shoots in New York,like my manager suggested,nothing major but I was more recognisable as I was deemed the 'rockstar in a supermodels body' which would be written on my gravestone,if I ever were to even die I felt so invincible and untouchable I did some life threatening things in those three weeks.I regularly passed out from too much drinks of drugs,I'd wake up in the most random places and have to call Gilby to get me since he'd normally leave.

If I was sobre he was normally cold and uninterested,he was sweet at first and always reminded me that I deserve better than Slash but over time it felt more and more like he was using me just for a good time.We hadn't had proper sex,apart from the times before when we were kids but I always found some reason to hold off of make up some excuse.We'd get so close and he'd practically beg and get frustrated when I finally decline and I'd be into it but the thought of having sex with him made me feel violated and as sure as I was that I'd moved on from Slash,I felt so guilty doing anything with Gilby.We also hadn't said any "I love yous" or even made ourselves official to the press I just let people believe what they wanted to believe,I was tired of being portrayed badly in tabloids and letting it control my life.