It's Complicated ✔️

Chapter: 29 Your Girlfriend

"I loved her so much," he closes his eyes," but she left me."

I never left you, but you never loved me.

"We have known each other throughout our lives, but she just threw everything and walked away."

I will throw all my life away just to be with you, even if it is for a moment.

"I truly loved her and gave my heart to her."

I loved you even when you hated me and gave my heart the moment you have held my hand for the first time and you just crushed it.

 He bites his lower lip and tilts his head to me, trying to control his emotions. I quickly look away, afraid he may read something in my eyes which I will regret.

"It really hurts when you love someone, whom you thought is yours, and in return they abandon you."

It even hurts more when you love someone who will never be yours and you have no choice but to leave him. 

Looking upward I try to blink back my tears. Clenching my jaw together I try to get hold of my emotions, as I feel my bottom lip quivering.

His hand finds mine, as he holds my hand. He tightens his grip as if trying to find some comfort, I lightly squeeze back assuringly, but not once I turn my face to him. It is just too hard, to see the love in his eyes...the love which I always want to see, but it is not for me.

"We knew each other from childhood. She was my friend," he swallowed," We grew up together, I started liking her. She always came to me with her problems, like I can solve her every problem,  making me feel like I am her 'real knight in shining armor'," he scoffs.

Sad chuckle leaves my mouth, thinking how I am always right about him being not my knight in shining armor.

"I was not very easy going," he says, making me laugh.

"Was?" I challengingly raise my eyebrow as I turn to him.

"Yeah, I was," he playfully glares at me.

" She was always there for me when I needed someone. I felt like she understood me better than anyone else," he closes his eyes and sighs. I take this moment to hastily wipe the single tear which escapes from my eye.

I never knew, listening to him with someone else will cause my heart so much pain. I have seen him with many girls, but it didn't affect me, as I knew that he didn't love them. But knowing he loves someone, feels like someone is slowing ripping my heart.

"I was so wrong except for one thing," he clenches his jaws as the grip on my hand tightens, "I was right when I thought that she understands me...she knew me better than anyone else, that's why she easily played with me the whole time and I never realized."

"Growing up I didn't really have a good relationship with my parents, not that I don't love them, but I felt like they never understood me. I always lived with the feeling of frustration inside me, Miles kept me straight and didn't let me involve in things which I would have definitely regretted later.  I used to get involved in brawling, which strained my relationship with my parents even more, especially with dad. Ashley was the source of comfort for me, I used to find peace with her," he sighs.

"I was right when I thought you gave bad boy vibes," I lightly laugh remembering when I saw him the first time at our wedding.

"Bad boy vibes?" he furrows his eyebrows and looks at me for further explanation.

"Umm... yeah... when I first saw you kind of seemed to me like a bad boy with a strong authoritative personality," I sheepishly look down.

"You know what vibes I got when I saw you?" side of his mouth slightly tugging upward.

"Yeah," suddenly I also become curious what he thought of me.

"Vibes of being extremely happy... happy because daddy bought a new toy for his princess," he smirks.

"I never knew you had a price tag, otherwise I would have definitely wanted a refund for selling me a defected piece, from where my dad had bought you," I pull my hand back from his hand, feeling extremely offended, as I glare him. 

"Hey don't get offended," he says in the pacifying tone.

"You have just twisted the reason for my happiness and you say I should not get offended?" I feel my voice rising slightly, "that moment was the only moment of my so-called married life where I was happy...you know why I was happy? Because I was getting married to someone my dad trusted...trusted that no matter what he will be with me. I was happy that I will have someone on whom I can lean on. Just like my dad stands with me he will never leave my side. Above all, I thought the person I am marrying will love me, for who I am, and will understand me... that is why I was happy."

"Abigail..." he whispers and gently places his hand on my shoulder.

"Nathan, I am sorry," I push his hand away from my shoulder," I never wanted to let you know this...because honestly, you had never been the person with whom I want to share my feelings and you can never be," I shrug.

"You say, you want to be my friend, then also you never try to understand me," I continue," You say, you don't want to hurt me, but your actions tell something different. It is like you are taking some kind of revenge with me."

"I am not taking any revenge," he says not meeting my eyes.

"Really? Then why do I sense  you are not speaking the truth?" I question him, with a steady gaze. His eyes meet with mine, showing guilt.

"Look whatever happened with you, has left you with a bitter experience, I get it. But you can't let it cloud your judgment," I give him a pointed look," I am not her, or any other woman who will come in your life will not be her. You have to understand that, and don't let your past ruin something beautiful which you can have!"

"It is not that easy," he rubs his face with his hands and shakes his head.

 Do you think it is easy for me to pretend that I don't love you, and leaving you won't tear me apart?  

"Easy? There is no such thing as easy," I narrow my eyes and bite my cheeks from inside," Do you think it is easy for me to sit here and talk to you? When all I want is to slap you so damn hard that you even forget your name?"

"What?" his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Yeah, it is true," I shrug," the point is nothing is easy, but still you have to try. If I would not be trying to control my urge to slap you, then you might have been sitting here with a cold pack on your cheek."

"How can someone your size, can sound so scary?" he mumbles, but it is loud enough for me to hear.

"This is not scary, scary will be, when I invite cannibals on dinner and present you like a feast to them," I slowly smirk.

"Next time you treat me like shit, Nathan Knight, be ready to face the consequences. And trust me that won't be good," I say deadpan, dropping any sign of humor from my voice.

I am not a doormat and will not allow anyone to treat me like it. Even though I love him, but for me, my self-respect and dignity come above all.

"It is quite late and I am going to sleep," I inform him, leaving him there, as I go to my room.

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