Chapter: 53 Feelings Are Imperishable

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I gulped and looked away, I heard Nathan muttering curses, then he walked off. The logical explanation of my behavior is that I am scared. Scared that he was about to kiss me... scared that small irrational part of me wanted him to kiss me... 

Thankfully, at the last moment, I got my senses back and I pushed him. Because if the kiss would have happened I would have regretted it. It would have been instinctual, nothing more. I am a person who always wants more... something meaningful. 

I can't deny when he got near, my heart beat became erratic and it was like for a moment everything around me didn't exist, it was just him. He is the escape which I want from everything... every pain... every anguish... every fear. But I know it would be like using him and I can not do this to him. 

I care for him and that will never change, no matter what. Feelings are imperishable, they may change into something different, but they always remain somewhere in the depth of the heart. We may drift apart...follow our own path in our lives, but in some way, a small part of me will always be connected to him just like his will be connected to mine.

Whatever happened, in the past few days, has left a great mark on my mind. I am fortunate that twice I was saved from something horrible, but still, any kind of sudden physical contact brings back all the tormenting memories. I try my best not to let those haunting thoughts overpower me. 

One day, I will defeat my inner demons. I will keep fighting them until they will realize, that they can't control me, I am more powerful than them.

I sigh and a pang of annoyances surfaces within me when I look at the happy and carefree faces around me. I know everyone is fighting their own battles in their lives, but at this moment it just seems that everyone is happy, except me. 

After getting hold of my emotions, I gather my stuff and walk inside the house. Entering my room, I straight jump into the shower to wash away all the sand sticking to my body and hair.  After getting all nice and clean, changing into a pair of denim shorts and a top, I lie down on the bed allowing myself to relax. I don't remember when I dozed off, but faint voices of people from outside the room wake me up. I frown and peer outside the window to find a light orange tint to the sky indicating it is almost sunset. The wooden floor seems cold against my bare feet as I get off the bed, and walk around the room to collect my stuff. After gathering all my stuff I packed my bag. I don't plan to stay here any longer, so I will leave tonight only. If I hadn't slept off I would have hit the road by now. 

Stepping out of my room to find Natalie, I notice almost everyone is lounging inside. Some of them are helping themselves with food and drinks, while others are busy chatting away. Nathan is sitting on the couch while talking to some girl, whom I suppose is Miles friend or cousin I don't remember properly. They both are laughing at whatever Nathan has said. He glances at me for a moment, then turns his back to me ignoring me, as he continues to talk with that girl. It doesn't bother me at all, as I am used to his this behavior. After a moment or two, Nathan passes from in front of me and keeping his stare fixed to the ground. At this moment, anger flares up inside me when I figured he is completely avoiding me. I never asked him to try to kiss me and he is avoiding me as if I am the one who attempted to kiss him. 

Well, he can take that attitude of his and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!

My eyes search for Natalie, but she is nowhere to be seen, I guess she is still trying to get rid of the sand because earlier Miles has dropped a bucket full of sand on her head. Later I don't know what happened but I found Miles coughing up sand. Something like this is bound to happen when you mess with Natalie.

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