Chapter: 46 Goodbye

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The entire night I could not sleep. Even if I try to sleep my mind would not shut up. Everything which Natalie told me was hard to ignore. Because Natalie taking Nathan's side and especially hearing something good about him from her mouth is a really a big thing. She may say she still doesn't like him, but I have noticed her words do not carry hatred anymore. It is like now she hates him out of habit, not because she really means it.

Maybe the hell has really frozen. 

On the other hand, the change in Nathan's behavior is also obvious. But do I trust him? this is something which I can't answer. I have heard when people realize their mistakes, the guilt eats them from inside. Maybe it is true, he really means when he says that he is remorseful of what he did. This is why he is putting so much effort for forgiveness.

His apology will change nothing from me, however, for him, it will mean a lot. He can live guilt free life, and will not be stuck with me forever, neither will I. Maybe this is what I want, for him to get back to his life so that things will go the way they were used to be. My life will get back to normal as much as possible. The feelings which I used to have for him are missing... gone. He made me incapable of loving anyone.

But if he is really regretful, and just because I can't trust him anymore, and I don't accept his apology then it will be wrong from my part.  Perhaps, I can return the favor of whatever he did for me, in the past month, by freeing him from his guilt. 

The wounds on your heart take time to heal, but sometimes they never heal. Some scars will remain there forever, it doesn't matter how much time passes they will always create ripples of pain inside you. 

However, for starting a new chapter in my life, the chapter named Nathan Knight has to be closed. I need to do this not for anyone, but for myself.

"I am going to get something to eat, do you need anything?" Mom asks me, as she finishes packing my stuff, as tomorrow morning I will get discharged from the hospital.

"Nothing... just when Nathan comes, tell him I want to talk to him."

"Ok, but do you want to share what is going on in your mind?" Mom intently looks at me.

 "Mom, if I have to move forward, then I have to leave my past behind?" I think for a moment and ask her as I glance at my ring finger.

"Yes," she sits on the bed beside me, "Because you can't do anything to change it, so it is best to just let it be. However, your present and future are in your hands... they will shape up as you will mold them. And you can only create a better future if you accept your past mistakes and try to rectify them and won't repeat them again," she gives me an understanding smile.

"What if my decision is wrong and I regret it?" I look at her as if she will have the answer to all my problems just like she used to have when I was a child. 

"Decisions are never right or wrong because they depend on the circumstances in which they are taken," she takes my hand in her both hands, "Even if the result of your choices doesn't turn out the way you want, then also it is fine because in the end, they turn out to be great lessons for you, " she lovingly pats my head.

"Ok, now I should probably go get something to eat, as I am starving, "she smiles as she kisses my head and leaves.

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"Natalie told me how you helped in finding me and all the things you did for me when I was in the coma, "I slowly start the conversation, as I try to gather my thoughts, "Thank you for whatever you did," I raise my gaze to find him looking intently at me.

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