Chapter: 17 Agonizing Memory

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This chapter is dedicated to this amazing person LeenaLaisa. Thank you so much for supporting this story from the beginning, your comments always bring a smile on my face. Love you ❤️


" Yeah, he did get back at me," humorless chuckle leaves my lips but my voices break, I swallow hard to stop myself from breaking.

He parks the car quickly and turns off the ignition. His full attention on me, eyebrows still pulled together in confusion.

" He drugged me..." I close my eyes taking a deep breath, " and tried to harass me," my voice sounds breathless.

His confused expression morphs into a furious one. 

" But you might also know this, as you know everything," I snap holding his gaze.

I don't even know why I am angry. He has been always like this, jumping to conclusions without even knowing the whole story. Maybe I expected something different from him at least this time. 

I break the eye contact, a single tear leaks out of my eye.


Hastily I wipe it with my index finger and walk out of the car, leaving him behind in the car.

When I enter my room, I locked the door and slide down against it. Pulling my knees to my chest I wrap my arms tightly around them as if it will help me to hold myself together. Rocking back and forth I clamp my mouth shut to stop threatening sobs escaping from my lips, as hot tears flow freely down my cheeks.

I cannot hold back any longer as loud sobs wreck my body. Taking a deep ragged breath I try to control them, which only results in more sobbing. Pressing both hands on my mouth I manage to hold them back, just sound of my muffled cry can be heard. I don't know how long I have been sitting here, all I know that there are no tears left in my eyes.

When did my life become so messed up?

People would think my life is perfect, but in reality, it is far from perfect. From outside I am a girl who has everything, a good and privileged life that many people would dream of. But for me, my life is a curse. Imagine a person who has everything,  but still has nothing that is me.

Like always I put back my pieces together knowing there will never be anyone to hold me. Nobody's love is going to heal my scars. There will not be anyone who will promise me that he will always be there for me. 

After taking the shower with a useless hope that it will also wash away all my pain, I stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom. The reflection staring back at me is nothing like me, but it is me... the real me. Which is always there behind the mask I wear every day to face the world. 

I can't stay in this room drowning myself in this endless spiral, even though the food is the last thing on my mind, but I end up in the kitchen. Although it is not surprising as cooking always works as a distraction for me. 

The house seems relatively quiet when I finished cooking,  I am not sure Nathan is here or not. Nursing a cup of coffee in my hand, I slide the glass screen door in the living room and step into the small terrace area. Cold breeze hits my face which I welcome and immediately know, I will be spending most of my time idly sitting here. It turns out to be true when I find myself sitting on the wooden floor, my back leaned against the wall beside the glass door, staring into nothing as the colors of the sky changes. There is something soothing when the sun sets, the way the blue sky is filled with the yellow-orange hues and slowly every color fades into darkness...nothing. 

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