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-"What are you talkin' about?"-

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"What are you talkin' about?"
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"And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. It's just common sense." Wade finished his long explanation, sitting in the front seat, Nova on his lap.

"Where the hell are we going?" Cable asked from the backseat, Natasha in between him and Domino.

"You said it yourself. Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup." Wade responded.

"I will bath in the blood of your enemies." Dopinder spoke up darkly.

"Wade, what did you do to him?" Nova whispered as her and Wade both turned to look ahead.

"It wasn't me." Wade denied immediately.

"Can you turn off the music?" Cable questioned, leaning forwards and Dopinder went to do it but Wade slapped his hand away from the radio.

"You'll do no such thing. Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent?" Wade asked, turning to face Cable as Nova watched in amusement.

"What the hell are you-"

"Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. I am so sorry. It gets better." Wade whispered, stroking Dopinder's head.

"I'm not a fucking racist, moron!" Cable snapped.

"Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me and a sister to Nova." Wade replied, turning back to the front.

"That's not how that works, Wade." Natasha spoke up.

"Sh, Nat, don't defend the racist. I liked you." Wade mumbled.

"I'm with the old white guy on this one. And that's a twist." Domino chimed in.

"So what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh?" Wade quizzed, still stoking Dopinder's face. "Some kind of soldier?"

"Yeah, something like that." Cable answered.

"I was a soldier. Special Forces. I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies." Wade smiled.

"Bitch, what am I? A roach?" Nova asked, offended before Wade started stroking her hair and shushing her like a dog.

"50 years from now, you're very dead. Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma." Cable added.

"Boom!" Wade exclaimed, imitating an explosion. "Spoiler alert." He snorted. "Planets."

"Next time, Uber." Domino muttered.

"Here's a spoiler alert. You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as sex toy." Cable glare, before he sat back in his seat, smugly.

"Well, I got news for you. My heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like." Wade shot back.

"Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like." Cable argued.

"I'm a grower, not a shower." Wade responded.

"Clearly. Wade, control your penis!" Nova yelled.

"I can't! Maybe you shouldn't sit on my lap!" Wade shouted.

"Be quiet!" Nova ordered.

"That's not helping, Nova!" Wade grumbled.

"I should've finished college." Domino mumbled.

"Right here!" Wade demanded and Dopinder skidded to a stop. "Get off my lap, Sweet Cheeks."

"You got it, Sugar Tits." Nova muttered, sliding out of the door.

"Are they secretly together or something?" Domino asked Natasha quietly as she watched their interaction.

"I- I don't even know at this point." Natasha answered.

"What are you talkin' about?" Nova asked as she got back inside the taxi.

"Nothing." Natasha denied with a smile.

"Mhm." Nova hummed, eyes squinting.

Wade stood in front of the X-Men mansion, holding up a small speaker and blasting In Your Eyes from it.

"I made mistakes! I wanna take them back! You trusted me. I took that trust and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. Colossus! I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! That kid needs our help! I know you're listening! He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! The Juggernaut! That's like my favourite Marvel character ever, but you should never meet your heroes because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock and causes nothing but problems!" Wade yelled up at Colossus' window.

"Hi, Wade!" Yukio waved.

"Hi, Yukio!" Wade replied.

"Please don't." Negasonic mumbled.

"You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. Where was I! Oh, yeah! Colossus! Look, I don't deserve your friendship or your help. But this kid does. And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. Oh, come on!" Wade groaned. "Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? That's just fine! That's fine! No! You know what? Doing the right thing is sometimes messy, and fucked up, abs not particularly convenient! So stay here in Château de Virgin who's we go get our fuck on!" Wade backed into the car before struggling to open the door.

"You're going great." Domino cheered quietly as Wade knocked on the window before Nova unlocked it and the mercenary sat down on her lap.

"Don't get a boner, Venom." Wade warned.

"I don't have a penis." Venom growled, stretching from her neck.

"You don't have a penis?!" Wade shouted.

"Still bigger than yours." Venom huffed.

"Don't even think about it- And you thought about it." Nova grumbled.

"Jesus Christ, Venom!" Wade exclaimed, feeling something poke his ass. "Calm down! You have two fiancé's!"

"Just proving a point, pussy." Venom replied smugly.

"More like probing a point. Fuck me." Wade muttered. "Literally."

"No, we're not doing this Wade."

"But, Natasha!"

{883}

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