I threw my coat on a chair before flopping onto the couch as soon as I made it through my front door. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It had been a long night.
My boyfriend and I had broken up, it had been coming for awhile and for some reason I always knew it but it still hurt. I was the one who broke things off with him, so why was I feeling like this was so wrong? When I left the house I had not anticipated that we would break up that night, I was actually excited for the night, but the more the night went on the more the urge to end it settled in.
I grabbed my phone scrolling to Mat's name. We had this thing whenever we would go out or even just in general. We would text the other one that we were home and in for the night so we knew the other was safe. Tonight I dreaded the 'I'm home' text to Mat.
'I'm home' I typed into my phone before hitting send, shutting off my phone and letting the phone fall from my hands to the couch. It wasn't long until my phone vibrated.
'Everything ok? You're home early' I read in my head before closing my eyes and accepting what I knew would happen. I knew Mat would know something was wrong, I'm usually out way later especially when I'm having fun.
'Everything's fine just a long night' I sent back leaving my phone open since I knew he would text back quickly.
'Y/N don't lie to me I can tell when you're lying what's wrong?'
'Josh and I broke up tonight, it's nothing'
'Y/N are you ok?'
'It's nothing, I'm fine'
He hadn't texted back in a good ten to fifteen minutes. I huffed and threw my phone on the couch behind me before pulling myself up and making my way to my room. I just wanted to be comfortable and with the chill in the air baggy, warm clothes sounded amazing. I threw on baggy pajama pants and a sweatshirt and went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate.
As I was getting the ingredients out I heard a knock at the door. I sighed in defeat and dragged myself to the front door. I took a deep breath before opening it expecting to see Josh at the other side of the door.
"Mat?" I asked confused when I saw his face.
"I brought you ice cream, your favorite movies, pizza, candy and I stopped at that little cupcake shop on the way and please tell me you still like red velvet" he smiled. He was amazing, he took it upon himself to comfort me I didn't even have to ask.
"You did all this for me?" I gave him a slight smile.
"Anything for you" he held out his arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around his middle and squeezed. He was just the comfort that I needed. I helped him with the items as he followed me to the kitchen.
"You're staying right?" I looked up at him as I grabbed two bowls for ice cream out of the cabinet.
"Is that an invitation?" He laughed.
"Please, I don't really want to be alone tonight" I said weakly.
"Hey" he started as he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me tightly with his chin resting on the top of my head. "You won't be alone tonight, ok? I'll stay till you fall asleep or until you kick me out" he laughed.
"Thank you" I giggled hugging him a bit tighter and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. I quickly made two bowls of ice cream and slid one to Mat and took a slice of pizza from the now open box.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mat asked after a few seconds of silence.
"Nothing to talk about really, I wasn't expecting to break up with him it just kind of happened" I shrugged taking a bite of pizza.
"Wait" he started while he put his pizza down and looked at me confused "You broke up with him?"
"Yeah, it just didn't feel right anymore and something inside me kept telling me it was time to end things so I did"
"Wow, I did not see that coming. Well, at least there's one good thing about this whole thing" he chuckled a little while moving on to his ice cream. It was silent for a moment. What was the good thing? I decided to let it go...that was until a few more moments passed and my curiosity got the best of me.
"What do you mean?" I questioned finishing my pizza.
"Nothing, don't worry about it" he smiled getting up to put his bowl in the sink.
"Mat...why are you being weird?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not, want your cupcake now?" He smiled. He was sly, he knew how to change the subject without me even realizing it.
"Only if you split it with me" I explained opening the box the cupcake was in.
"Deal" he slightly laughed grabbing a knife, cutting the cupcake in half and handing it to me. "You first"
With his words something inside of me seemed like a levee had broken. I all of the sudden couldn't contain my tears that were streaming down my face.
"Y/N?" Mat looked at me softly before becoming alarmed. "Y/N, come here what's wrong?" He pulled me into a hug.
Oddly enough, I wasn't crying about Josh. I was crying about Mat. He always put me first, made sure I was safe and happy and that I was taken care of. He was the best friend I could ever ask for and I think that's what made me the most sad. He would just be a friend.
I think that's why I always knew Josh and mine's relationship wouldn't last, no one could compare to Mat. He was perfect for me, but only saw me as a friend. My tears were streaming faster and it was becoming hard to catch my breath.
"Hey, Y/N" he pulled me away from him slightly placing a hand on either side of my face using his thumbs to lightly rub away my tears. "Don't cry sweetheart, he's not worth it."
"I know he's not, I'm not crying because of him" I explained finally catching my breath and composing myself to light tears.
"Then why are you so sad honey, why are you crying?" he looked genuinely concerned.
"I'm crying because of you, Mat" I finally choked as the tears came back with full force. He pulled me to him tightly once more.
"Whatever I did, I'm sorry Y/N" he explained running his hands along my hair.
"You always put me first, you always take care of me and you make sure I'm happy no matter what" I clung to him as my sobs started picking back up.
"I'm...sorry?" He joked still not letting go of me, his hands still in my hair.
"God, Mat, I'm so sorry" I finally pulled away running my hands along my cheeks in an attempt to compose myself. "I know it's not your fault, it's my fault. I can't control how either of us feel. I'm just being dumb and I shouldn't compare you to every other guy but I can't help it...you ruined everything" My voice got softer as I finished my sentence. I kept my head down not wanting to look Mat in the eyes, until I heard him laugh. I shot my head up to come face to face with him.
"Why are you laughing?" I asked confused.
"Remember when I said there was one good thing about this whole thing?" He looked at me seriously.
"Yeah" I stated still trying to rub my face free of tears.
"I meant that you could finally just...be with me now" he looked anxious as he stared at me waiting for my answer.
"That's not funny, Mat" I slightly pushed him being fairly certain he was joking.
"I know it's not funny, I'm being serious" it wasn't until I realized he wasn't laughing or even smiling that I realized he was actually serious.
I thought about it for a quick second before reaching my hand up behind his neck and bringing his lips to mine. When I pulled away he had the biggest smile on his face.
"Soooo" He started as he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer to him "Do you really compare every other guy to me?" He smirked.
"Shut up" I said with a laugh while I rolled my eyes and he gave me another quick kiss. "Do you still want some of this cupcake?" I asked turning around as Mat's arms snaked around my middle. He placed a kiss on my cheek before speaking.
"Sure, you first"