Dear Kade,
I am sorry, I'm sorry I've had to leave without saying a proper goodbye. I wish I could tell you face to face how much I love you and how much you really did help.
But, sometimes help isn't enough.
I've been hiding something pretty huge for the last 6 months of our relationship, so please don't blame yourself for what you're about to read.
I stopped taking my meds, which led me to spiral into a never ending hole of darkness. I'm like Alice down the rabbit hole minus the Wonderland and happy ending.
I stopped taking my meds, because I was and am ready to die. Please don't blame yourself.
You know how hard my battle with depression, anxiety & panic attacks. We've been together for 6 years, so you know the real me.
The real me was so fed up of endless trips to doctors, hospitals, nurses, psychiatrists, counselors and the never ending meds.
I felt like I was drowning in a pool of my own mental health, and no-one not even you could've stopped me doing what I'm about to do.
Give me a good send off, won't you? You know how much I love attention, make sure your speech is a right tear jerker babes.
Before I go, I love you Kade. Find happiness and make sure you buy me that beach house.
Scatter my ashes on the beach with Lilly and Oscar.
Give them a goodnight kiss from Mummy,
I know what I'm doing is selfish, leaving you to look after them, but I know you're capable baby, I know you can pull through for me. For Lilly. For Oscar.
I'll give your Nan a kiss and cuddle, tell her you love her endlessly.
I'm free of pain now, dancing with the angels and I'll always be watching you and the kids.
I love you Kade.
I'm sorry sweetie.
x
A/N: Anyone suffering from suicidal thoughts, I beg you to get help. I love all of you x