Everyone treated me differently now. Only in subtle little ways though, like I saw Ollie and we used to joke and flirt and he'd make things offensive even and I'd laugh but now he was so sensitive to the fact I came back to being depressed and separated from my best friend.
All the jokes were family friendly and he hardly flirted with me. Not that it's a bad thing cause Richard hates it anyway.
I felt like after a long time of me not speaking to anyone apart from Richard to suddenly go and speak to all the friends I had was overwhelming and made me a little anxious actually. I ended up just sitting with Richard or Lily. Even trying to talk to Matt was weird, even though he was one of my best friends. Weird how things have changed.
"I'm going to talk about you moving back in here." Lily said suddenly. "I want the last month of school to be spent with you. This next month might be a little tough and I want you there, you're my rock." She explained smiling away at me.
"Well I definitely want to talk to someone too if that alright with you, Richard?" I asked gently turning to him.
"I have a dorm at uni I can move back to, don't worry about me." Richard nodded and smiled up at him thankfully.
"Well then, Monday morning I'll be in the eagles office, you can join me if you want?" Lily smiled excitedly.
"I'll be there." I smiled back at her and felt Richards grip around my waist loosen and he sat back on the sofa, I understood why, of course I did.
- - - - -
"You don't look great, is everything alright?" Richard asked as we went back to our dorm and I shuffled through the living area towards my room.
"Oh yeah, I just... I feel bad Richard I think we need to talk." I said roughly as I turned around and sat down the sofa, he made his way towards me and sat down also.
"I think I know what you're going to say." He nodded.
"I--"
"I basically forced you when I moved in here to not break up with me because I was worried, you were ill and you did need help but you've gotten better and I understand that so if you still feel the same way..." Richard ranted on and on.
"Richard I did want to break up yeah,' I mumbled. "But not because of you. because of me, I was mental you saw what I did to myself, you can bloody see it now." I yelled pulling at the sleeves of my jacket and I shrugged it to the floor.
I hardly ever showed him the scars, I mean why would I remind him how crazy I was? But this was important. I held an arm out for him and proved to him how mental I was just a few months ago.
"But you stopped." Richard sighed.
"I did, yeah. After a long time of being with you-- anyway Jesus you brought up a whole subject I wasn't even ready to discuss with you yet. Today, I just wanted someone to tell me that moving in with Lily was the right choice." I swallowed hard.
"What?"
"I didn't want to discuss us today." I sighed.
"Oh great, so I blurted that all out and jeopardised this when I didn't even need to." He blamed himself.
"Yep, well anyway..."
"Of course moving in Lily is the right choice. You two love each other more than we love each other right now. You don't want to spend your last term at school with your boyfriend, maybe not even that." Richard complained at me but he made a point.
"But what if she can't walk again still and I go through more pain?" I frowned.
"Then we deal with that when It comes. At the moment you need to go back to your friends and family and see them and socialise and be Jenna again. Alright?" Richard encouraged me.
"Alright."
- - - - -
"I tried Lily. I really really tried but things aren't feeling the same anymore." I paced up and down in front of her as we stood in my old dorm. "Richard and I aren't suited anymore."
"Oh Jen, I mean of course follow your heart and everything but maybe aren't you just panicking for no reason? You did this with him last time, you left and he still wanted you." Lily explained to me in the simplest terms.
"I know things are different and I am clearly different so maybe a boyfriend is not suited for me." I nodded.
"You're doing it again."
"What?"
"You hit this mark when things get serious, you take off. You isolate yourself. Luckily when the...harming started you had no choice but for Richard to be near you and look after you. Now, you're still hurting and you're trying to run away and be...independent?" Lily sighed.
"What are you even talking about!"
"Do you love Richard?" Lily asked.
"Lily I don't think--"
"No, answer my question."
"Yes! I love him, I do." I replied and sank down onto the sofa in Lily's dorm and my soon to be new dorm.
"Then it sounds easy what you have to do." Lily shrugged.
"What? Go tell him? Because he knows, we only say it to each other every five minutes." I complained rolling my eyes and sinking further in the sofa in defeat.
"You're annoyed because you had to live with him under such tight conditions. You still love him. He needs to hear that you mean it, for real." Lily smiled.
"I will tell him and see how it goes." I sighed. "I can't promise anything though."
- - - - -
"Lily, just the girl I was looking for--" Richard smiled gently bending down next to Lily so she could hear his whispering.
"Richard? What--"
"I need you to tell Jenna that I love her yeah?"
"Why can't you tell her yourself?" Lily asked frowning at him as he looked at her oddly.
"I'll be back in time for Maisie's birthday." He nodded.
"You're going away? Where are you going?" She freaked out in the middle of the hallway, luckily there was no one around to hear the conversation they were having.
"Just tell her, please? I have to go." He sighed looking over his shoulder before getting up and walking off.
"I don't understand! Tell me what's going on." She yelled at him as he picked up his pace and made it through the doors at the end of the hallway before she could even turn her chair around properly.