I wasn't entirely sure why we were outside. I said was tired of being in the stuffy room and so we were stood outside, Richard and I.
I wasn't in my hospital gown but had a hoodie and leggings on instead. There were a few people smoking and Richard was making faces at me while I just breathed it in. There's no reason to fight it.
"You all okay?" He asked suddenly.
"Are you going to ask me that exactly on the 10 minute marker or will you leave it 11 minutes next time?" I snapped at him.
"I have to check. Your facial expressions aren't the same anymore." Richard complained leaning up against the wall like I was.
"Who's fault is that?" I sighed.
"No ones." He comforted me.
"No no, you were very clear before. It is all my fault that I've done this. And I need to fix it." I moaned at him turning away from him and walking off away from the hospital.
"Alright, Jenna I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on that strong. It just upsets me." Richard droned on and on as I continued to walk further and further away from him.
"God, just shut up. I can't get away from you!" I yelled back at him starting to pick up the pace a little bit now.
"Let's just go back to the hospital. This is silly--"
"Do you EVER stop talking?" I screamed at him turning around to his face in complete shock.
"Jen--"
"Do not touch me. I'm serious Richard. If you touch me I'll just scream and everyone will notice." I threatened him as he tried to step closer to me.
"Okay. Okay." He mumbled stepping back, away from me.
"I need to think. Really think."
"The more you think the more you get yourself worked up over everything. Let me help you, let Kate help you and the doctors help you." Richard explained.
"Just shut up." I snapped.
"Jen."
"Go." I paused.
"I can't--"
"Richard, do what she says." A voice came out of nowhere and I huffed a little annoyed.
"Jenna come on." Richard tried one more time to hold my arm and that's when I lashed out and decided to show him how serious I was.
I screamed, as loud as I possibly could and I heard Richard trying to quiet me but I didn't listen until he finally let go of me and shut up.
"Richard you'd better go." Kate said suddenly stepping in all high and mighty. I collapsed to the floor and sat on the grass, my head fell forward into my hands and I stared sobbing uncontrollably.
Kate started to whisper things in my ear and I just tried to breathe. I'd never done this before, I think I was fully breaking down this time.
- - - - -
"Fuck fuck she's mad." Richard kicked a chair across the room as he saw lily in there waiting in her wheelchair.
"Who's mad?" Lily asked holding matts hand.
"Jenna." Matt sighed, of course he knew except no one had the guts to tell lily.
"What do you mean?" Lily asked frowning at the boys. "She's mad?"
"Yes, as in crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't recognise a single thing about her anymore. She's separated from me and she screams when I touch her and now--"
"She screams when you touch her?" Lily frowned.
"Yeah. I can't-- I don't know what to do anymore." Richard sat down on the chair next to lily and Matt.
"She's actually that bad?" Matt asked.
"She's self harming guys." Richard sniffed trying his best to be a man in this situation but he seriously didn't know what to do. "She wants me to go but I can't and-- should I leave?"
"No, she says no but she does want you." Lily smiled. "Where is she now?"
"I left her with Kate."
"And she was..."
"A little while away from the hospital, On the floor crying her eyes out."
"Fucking hell." Matt scoffed.
"You guys should go I think." Lily said suddenly. "I need to have a chat with her."
"Nobody's talking to anyone." Jenna's dad walked through the door of the relatives room holding violet in his arms. "I've been told what's happened. Don't need to explain to me again."
"Right--"
"So no one will be in any contact with Jenna until she is back in the hospital and had some sleep." Her dad said placing violet on the floor.
"They think she's mental don't they?" Lily asked gently.
"She's having a psych assessment apparently." He explained. Violet started to run off to the toy section and play with that, even though she was 6 years old and very mature, when she saw lego though, that was another matter.
"A psych assessment?" Richard finally spoke.
"Calm it." Her dad said sitting down comfortably next to them.
"Do you know what the way I saw her today, would not surprise me if she really was crazy--"
"--don't say that!"
"No serious lil, she screamed at the top of her lungs because I touched her." Richard rolled his eyes.
"Yes but--" her dad started.
"No buts! You didn't see her, she's hurting inside. I don't know if she's crazy but something's wrong." Richard explained.
- - - - -
Hey so there's multiple reasons why updates have been less often than usual, some I will and won't share, but one is that I started writing a new fic!
The new book won't affect this one at all, I'll be keeping this one going as often as possible, I just wanted to write a load for the new book and preoccupied myself with that these last few weeks. Ps. I got to say it is a bit different to what I'm used to writing.
The book is called: Never leave the past behind.
Plot summary: Clara Oswald is a single mum with a 15 year old daughter. Though, it isn't a typical relationship. They're best friends first, mother and daughter second. They've managed all their life with no help except the odd friend like Lily. But what happens when John turns up and asks to be a part of their life again?
Cheeky snippet of book to see if you're interested:
"You locked the door?" Clara asked
"Yes." Eva sighed as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"Because it won't be my fault if someone breaks in and steals that new laptop I just spent all my lovely wages on." Clara moaned at her, it was her snappy little way of getting the truth out of her 14 year old.
"Mum-" she paused for a moment and looked her in the eyes whilst they stood in the lift. "I locked the door, I promise." She rolled her eyes.
"Alright, good. I can give you a ride to school today but you'll have to get the bus back, that okay?" Clara rushed out of the lift and towards her car, parked just outside the flats.
"That's fine. I made do without you for most of the summer, I think I can get a bus home. Stop worrying." Eva complained jumping in the car.
"I'm a Mum, I always worry." She smiled across at her.
Clara worked at a publishers. Had done since Eva was 5, an appropriate time where she was at school full time and Clara could start supporting herself. Though university was delayed by a year due to the birth of Eva when Clara was 16, she did complete her degree and that's how she was able to do what she does now.
She was, as you could tell already, a single mum, determined to balance life as a mother as well as full time work.
The first chapter is published now and I'll be updating either weekly, or twice a week, unless people ask for more regular updates, then I'll try and do everyday or every other day.
My main aim is weekly or bi-weekly though.
Thanks,
MEGAN