"Hey hey I'm going to the loo I'll catch up with you later in the canteen yeah?" Lily shrugged tapping my arm as I spoke to Olivia.
"Yeah." I nodded at her and saw her walk off behind me towards the toilets and I continued forward with Lucy and Olivia either side of me.
Lily was washing her hands and then placed her bag on her shoulder when she went to leave the toilets and suddenly bumped into a large figure walking past. "Richard," Lily laughed gently feeling stupidly embarrassed.
"Lil, you alright? I'm sorry I didn't see you there." He laughed grabbing her arms and pulling her out of the crowded corridor and pushing them both nearer to the side of the wall.
"Yeah. Fine. Clumsy, but fine." Lily joked feeling really embarrassed that they were even having this conversation. They had nothing else to say to each other. Richard just stared at her and Lily stared back completely scared to say something wrong.
"So, uh, how is she?" Richard asked quietly.
"She's--"
"How is who?" A gentle, polite voice appeared beside Richard and hugged him instantly. Molly, of course.
"Oh no one." Lily quickly covered for Richard as she saw his panicked eyes scream at her for some help.
"Richard we have class in like 5 minutes." Molly said locking her hand in his as he smiled at her. "I hope Jenna's alright. Lily Tell her I'm sorry for her little sister, I know it must be awful being this far away from her." Molly bit her lip.
"Yeah I think it is horrible for her...anyway I'd rather not talk about Jenna. Ill see you-- bye." She changed her mind, she didn't not want to see them later in fact the idea of them together annoyed Lily that she had trouble trying not to slap the girl.
Lily looked in a kind of mood when she came and sat with us, I wasn't sure if it was because Matt was sat with us or whether it was because he was sat next to me and not her. But they weren't together anymore why should they.
"Everything alright lil?" Matt asked gently noticing she was upset in one way or another.
"Yeah fine." Lily snapped back. Then she realised her mistake and started over. "I'm sorry, yeah I'm fine just bumped into someone that really gets on my nerves."
"Tell me later yeah? If you don't want to talk in front of everyone." I whispered so only Matt, Lily and I could hear. I made sure Lucy and Olivia and the rest didn't catch on.
Lily nodded and just continued to stab her salad with her fork angrily.
"So what's up with you why were you beating up your salad at lunch just now?" I asked Lily as we walked down the corridor on our way to dorm as we had free periods now.
"I ran in to Richard," Lily looked around to check nobody was listening "I'm not sure about that Molly girl."
"She seemed really nice to me." I shrugged.
"Seemed is the key word there. I don't know she just acts fake to me, like she's not really saying what she wants to say to my face. I get that from nerds in our year but not second year seniors who are probably more popular than me." Lily complained.
"Well maybe she is fake. But I don't see her anyway and last time I checked neither do you as she is my ex boyfriends new girlfriend." I laughed as I unlocked our dorm room and stepped inside.
"I guess. I just have bad feeling about that girl."
"Don't we all, when she's Richard new girl?" I frowned settling on the sofa lazily as I really needed a nap.
- - - - -
Kate was starting to actually get through to me a little bit and all I could thing about as I laid in my bed before i fell asleep was Matt. I was staring to believe Kate...maybe I did have feelings for him?
I did have sex with him, I have kissed him many times and shared intimate moments with him but he's just my best friend, other than Lily, and he's always there if I have an argument with her. Even when they were dating.
That's another problem would Lily like it if I actually made any attempt at expressing feelings for Matt?
I knew he liked me, even if it was just a little bit. All the moments we'd shared, even the sex was initiated by him. I might have lead him on to think I liked him back and in the process actually did start to like him.
It would be weird though? He's my best friend.
- - - - -
"I think you you like him. I also think you need to tell him you like him." Lucy said in psychology that next morning once I'd told her what was on my mind.
"Why? I think it'll ruin stuff. He's been a really good friend since Maisie and--"
"He'd be a better boyfriend." Olivia interrupted.
"Maybe but what he doesn't feel the same way and rejects me? How do I initiate this kind of thing without feeling all weird and desperate?" I moaned to them both.
"You don't." Olivia lectured me.
"What?" My jaw dropped.
"You can't-- look Lily would be crushed." Lucy told me as if it was something I hadn't considered.
"I know! I know! So... I should leave it alone?" I nodded at them both.
"Yes!" They both shouted at me.
"Alright calm down, I'll leave it." I laughed a little as I noticed miss was staring at us because we were having some weird conversations whilst we were meant to be doing a quiz. Oh well.
- - - - -
It happened again the next night. I just thought about Matt until I fell asleep. Except this time I took action. I had to do something, I had to get it out of my system and admit it to him.
I stood up out of bed and threw on my leather jacket and my boots and made sure my shorts weren't too exposing before I grabbed my dorm keys and left the house.
This was the right idea I'm sure of it.