RoadTrip boyxboy one shots

💔Hard To Let Go - Rylyn (Part 2)

Rye's POV

"I know you hear me when I cry
I try to hold it in the night
While you're sleepin' next to me"

A year had passed since Andy had committed suicide, and the grief had yet to leave. It hadn't got any easier to deal with the pain, and Brook had been really patient with me. Despite his understanding, I knew it was taking a toll on him. He was the one who had to listen to his boyfriend cry his eyes out over another guy.

But he knew. He knew I wasn't in love with him or anything. He was aware of mine and Andy's close relationship, and respected that it hurt me more than others. But it pained him to listen to the harsh sobs slip past my lips each night. It hurt him to see the tears fall down my cheeks every time I thought about my blonde best friend.

I tried to hide the pain. I tried to make it seem like I was okay. But I wasn't fooling anyone. I was never good at containing my emotions, and it was always easy to tell what I was feeling.

"If you were anybody else
Probably wouldn't last a day
Every tear's a rain parade from hell
Baby, you do it so well"

I knew Brook was the only person who would ever willingly go through this. Anyone else would have already left me by now, but Brook stuck by me because he loved me. I loved him. I loved him so much. But I also loved Andy. Our unexplainable connection and the way we clicked straight away kept me from letting him go.

Everyone else had seemingly forgotten about him. Or at least tried to block him from their minds. I couldn't do that. Once I pushed him out of my thoughts for good, he would be gone forever.

And I wanted him back. I so desperately wanted him back.

"You been so understanding, you been so good
And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should
And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to
Admit that it hurts you"

I had heard him one night. He was crying in Jack's room, telling his best friend how much it hurt to see his boyfriend so overwhelmed with grief. I had to cover my mouth to stop the cries as I leant against the wall, listening to the boy I love hurting over me.

I hated myself for what I was putting Brook through. It wasn't fair on him. He deserved so much better than me. But I couldn't let him go. I had already lost Andy. If I lost Brook too, I would really have no one.

I don't think my heart could deal with being alone.

"I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again
Over him, mmh
I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again
'Stead of ghostin' him"

I've been told time and time before that it would all get easier if I just let myself forget. Erase all the memories from my mind. The mental image of his gorgeous smile, his dimples on display for the world to see. The sound of his laughter that was forever engraved in my head, the beautiful melody that sent me to sleep most nights. Everything.

But I couldn't. As much as I wanted to ghost him, I couldn't. I couldn't do it because I loved him. It might not be a romantic love, but it still mattered.

"We'll get through this, we'll get past this, I'm a boy with
A whole lot of baggage
But I love you"

Every day I hoped and prayed that Brook wouldn't give up on me. He was my entire world, and I couldn't lose him too. He had told me one night. He sat me down and made me aware of how much he was hurting. It hurt to hear that I was the cause of his pain, but he reassured me that it wasn't my fault. That it was his fault for not helping me through the pain.

He cried in my arms, just like I had cried in his so many nights before. His heartbreaking sobs opened my eyes, letting me see just how broken he was. Maybe as broken as I was.

I told him we'd survive. We had to survive. We were invincible. We had to be.

"Though I wish he were here instead
Don't want that living in your head
He just comes to visit me
When I'm dreaming every now and then"

Even though I laid in bed beside the love of my life, I couldn't help but picture the short blonde boy I had lost so long ago. It was the only place where I felt like myself. When I was in his arms.

Even if it wasn't real, it was nice to have him at all. It was like he was back. Back in his room. Back in the band. Back with me.

It made me forget for a short while that he was gone. But he was. He had killed himself, and I had to face to fact that I would never really see him again.

"And after all that we been through
There's so much to look forward to
What was done and what was said
Leave it all here in this bed with you"

I'd get over the hurt eventually. I knew I'd move on. I would never forget. I couldn't forget. But some day he wouldn't be the main thought on my mind. Someday I could actually wear a true smile and not have it taken away by him.

Some day.

But not today.

No, today I was broken. I had been broken for so long. I would be broken for even longer. There was only one person who could put the broken pieces back together, and that was the boy sleeping soundly beside me.

As much as it hurt to forget Andy, I would be okay as long as I had this boy by my side.

A/N
Hey guys. I didn't think I'd do a part two for this, but here you go.

Somebody please help me! I am now obsessed with an Adore Delano song, and I'm not happy about it.

Hope you enjoyed!

Bye guys Xx