RoadTrip boyxboy one shots

💔Kill Yourself - Mikey

⚠️ Trigger warning ⚠️ mentions of hate, an eating disorder and suicidal thoughts

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"Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see"

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Mikey's POV

In the band I have always been known as the quiet one. The mysterious one. The one who's most likely to disappear.

I felt almost invisible, like I didn't belong there. Of course, I never told anyone that. I didn't want to sound ungrateful and whiny. I am really fucking happy that I was put in the band.

But, the public weren't. I got hate. Lots of it. It usually went along the lines of..

'Why is Mikey even there?'

And..

'He can't even sing!'

And even..

'RoadTrip would be better without him!!!'

So, I stayed in the background. I asked for less solos. The boys didn't question it. I doubt they even noticed. Or, if they did, they just didn't care. I didn't blame them. I don't deserve to be cared about.

But then the hate started to get worse. It turned into things like..

'Have you seen how fat Mikey has gotten lately?'

And..

'Ugh, Mikey is so ugly!'

And even..

'Who let that fatty into the band!!!'

I believed them. I was never the same after I read that hate. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was fat. My stomachs, my thighs, my legs, my arms, my neck, everything was fat. Then, when I looked at my face, all I saw was ugliness. My jawline - ugly. My nose - ugly. My ears - ugly. My eyes - ugly. My hair - ugly.

Ugly!

Ugly!

Fat!

Ugly!

Worthless!

Fat!

Stupid!

Ugly!

Untalented!

Worthless!

Fat!

All the worst things I thought about myself. I kept them locked inside. Nobody knew how I felt. They didn't understand, as they didn't receive hate. It was only me. Why? Why me? What did I ever do? Why was I so worthless?

One day, I had enough. I couldn't keep seeing the fat every time I looked in the mirror, which was a lot. So, I did something about it.

I purged.

I never thought I would resort to that.

But I did.

After dinner one night, for which we had spaghetti bolognese, the lads and I were going to have a movie night. So, I excused myself while they got set up, and ran to the bathroom. Locking the door, I looked into the mirror, thinking about whether what I was about to do was a good idea. But, the hate started running through my brain, and I knew this was the only way I would ever be good enough, so I leant over the toilet bowl, forcing my fingers down my throat to activate my gag reflex. A few seconds later, I was puking up my meal. It felt horrible. It tasted horrible. But, I knew it was a good thing. I would be skinny soon.

I would be worth something.

"Give it a year!"

What?

"Give it a year, then kill yourself!"

Ok.

A/N
Hey guys. Probably gonna make this a fanfic at one point.

Hope you enjoyed!

Bye guys Xx