RoadTrip boyxboy one shots

💔I'm Only Human - Andy

⚠️Trigger warning ⚠️ depression and it hints at suicide at the end

~~~

"I can hold my breath. I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days, if that's what you want
Be your number one"

Being in this band, I knew it wouldn't all be easy. I knew there would be some times where I felt a bit down, and that was okay with me because I knew I would have the boys and the roadies on my side.

I thought the roadies would be on my side.

I'm willing to put myself through anything for the fans. The amount of sleepless nights I have trying to create content that the roadies will enjoy, but it still isn't enough.

I try to be good enough for them, but nothing satisfies them.

"I can fake a smile. I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part, if that's what you ask
Give you all I am"

I don't want the fans to see me on my bad days. They want happy Andy. They want positive Andy. So, I have to hide how I really feel. I don't want to let them down. Everything they ask, I do.

I just want to be good enough for them, but I'm not.

"I can turn it on. Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds, if that's what you need
Be your everything"

I sometimes find it easiest to just give into what the fans want. If they don't like how we do something, they make it clear. We make sure to change it to fit their likings.

But then some other fans come along and say they preferred it how we used to do it, so we're stuck between two worlds.

One way or another, we are going to let someone down.

Because the other option isn't good enough for them.

"I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it"

I keep telling myself that I'm strong enough to get though this. Being in RoadTrip is all I ever wanted. I'm living my dream, creating music and sharing it with the world, while having fun with my four best friends.

What more could I want?

Sometimes I have to persuade myself that I can and will get through the hate. But it's hard when nothing you do is good enough.

"But I'm only human, and I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human, and I crash and I break down"

Sometimes, it all gets a bit much for me. I fall apart. Not on camera though.

Never on camera.

They don't need to see me like that.

I show them my happy side, but it isn't good enough.

"Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah"

I always try not to let the hate get to me, but I don't always succeed. I'm not the most confident person, and sometimes when people say hurtful things, it really affects me.

Most of our fans are amazing. They show the boys and I love and support. But, then you get those few who seem to forget that we are still humans.

Those are the people I cry about, because I'm not good enough for them.

"I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human"

I try and I try, but I'm not perfect. I'm only human.

I can't always be good enough.

"I can take so much
Until I've had enough"

I've had enough.