365 Interviews

Interview 140: theattentivesoul

1. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I enjoy answering open ended questions, especially as they pertain to life and the human condition. Which probably makes me something of a windbag.  But, because I'm also an introvert by nature, I'm better at thinking things through on paper than I am speaking to a room full of people. Although I've given plenty of speeches, I don't feel particularly comfortable standing up in front of large groups of people. So, at parties, for example, you'll likely find me in a corner somewhere, or in the kitchen, helping the hostess tie up loose ends.

Now, for a proper answer to your question. I was born in California, but moved to Michigan when I was nine. I met my husband when I was an undergraduate studying psychology and elementary education at the University of Michigan. We got married two weeks after I graduated (and have been married 18 years!) We have three wonderful children (ages 14, 11 and 5. My marriage and family give me lots of inspiration for my writing.

2. When did you first realize you wanted to be an essayist? I've always had some inkling that I wanted to be a writer, but it's taken me many years to make that dream a reality. So it's been a long and winding road, but very much worth the wait!  I gravitated towards writing when I was in middle and high school, in part because I've always loved to read and have always loved words. But I also turned to writing as a way to cope when I lost my sister and several very close friends around my 13th birthday. Writing poetry, short stories and some non fiction helped me work through a lot of my pain and grief.

After college, I never even considered becoming a writer, I think because my parents never saw that as a real career (and they were footing the bill for my degree, so they had quite a bit of say in the field I ultimately chose). But all things work together for good, and I suppose the universe wasn't ready for me to become a writer at that point. I needed more time, for life to season me. Shortly after I graduated, I had my first child, and took a 13 year break to raise my children and care for ailing parents. Then, when my youngest got close to school age and my parents had passed away, I finally took the leap and began to pursue my dream of writing in earnest.

There was an actual moment when I knew I was meant to become a writer, though. For many years, I had been worrying, praying and asking for guidance, wondering what I should ultimately "do" with my life that would be for the greater good of the world. I was planning on going back to grad school to become a counseling psychologist, but something inside me said that wasn't the right path. Then driving down the highway one day, thinking of nothing in particular, I was suddenly struck with the thought that I was not just meant to be a writer, but that I HAD to be a writer. It was such an overwhelming feeling (forgive the cheese factor here) that I actually had to pull over to the side of the road because I started to cry. Tears of joy. No like me, at all! To his credit, my husband didn't think I'd gone bonkers when I called and told him about my highway epiphany. He was calm, and said I could take a year to see what I could make of the whole writing endeavor.

Miraculously, jobs and other writing opportunities and mentorships came my way that, in a perfectly logical and orderly world, I never should have been given. But step by step, I grew my resume and my career has slowly taken off.

3.  How long does it take you to write an essay? That's a tough question to answer. When the stars are aligned and everything flows perfectly, I can write an essay in a few hours. Then, with editing and the fine tooth combing, I'd say it takes ten hours total. But that doesn't take into account the hours, days or weeks I've spent on false starts and pondering. Because an essay always starts with a little spark of an idea that rolls around in my head for a while, and I will sit down, perhaps dozens of times, to try to get something to flow on paper. But then nothing will happen. Zip. So I've learned to walk away from the computer and not force it, because that's when really bad writing happens. But those hours and days when "nothing" happens are just as important to the process of writing the final essay as the "good" writing which comes out easily later.