17 year old POV
**TW mention of suicidal thoughts/ attempts and self harm **
It is Thursday morning. Currently you are sitting on the couch just staring at the bottle of painkillers. You are definitely not going to school today. "I can do this.." you whisper to yourself.
You continue to sit there and just analyze the bottle, trying to figure out the why part. Then there is a knock on the door that snaps you out of your thoughts. Jumping up you open the door.
"Hey Ryan.." you whisper.
"Hey. How's the homework?" He asks. He knows about this. He was the first person besides your family to know.
"Okay I guess.." the two of you sit down and just stare at the bottle again. After a few hours Ryan breaks the silence.
"No offense but this was a very ineffective way to try and kill yourself..there are so many other ways.." he says motioning towards his own wrists. Yes..he tried too. Both of you call the two of you 'a couple of messed up kids.'
"It does take a while for painkillers to take affect.." you whisper. "And I did it a half hour before my dad gets home..he always comes up to check on me."
"So it wouldn't make sense for you to do it then..why did you do it??"
"Ryan..I didn't want to die..I just wanted to see if someone cared enough for me.." you tell him and he hugs you.
"You figured it out. Does it make you feel better now knowing why?" Ryan asks you.
"Yeah. It does..but I didn't want to die Ry..I just wanted to see if someone still cared.." you whisper and hug him tightly.
***
"So..did you figure out why?" Rae asks as you sit in her office.
"It only took five hours but I did it. I found out that I didn't actually want to die."
"That's good! So how did you come to that conclusion?"
"Well..painkillers take a while to take affect. And I took them before my dad came home and he always checks on me..so it wouldn't make sense. I just needed to see if someone cared." You say. The tears form at the idea if it actually worked.
"Oh honey..it's okay-." You run over and hug her tightly. She is surprised at first but then hugs you.
"You are still here. Don't worry. Just never try again please.."
"I didn't plan on it." You say with a small smile.
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Short English class update. I'll try to again later☺️
If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here. I don't want any of my readers struggling alone. I check my messages periodically here but you can reach out to me on Instagram @ _.Wildflxwer._ I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
-Andy💕
