You're My Everything (Septiplier)

"You're going to break his heart, but still try to be there for him."

"Well, yes," I said slowly. "That was part of it, but there was a lot -"

"I got help for that."

For the first time in a very long time, Hunter looked ashamed of himself. His eyes shifted towards his feet, and then back over to me.

"I was out of control that day," he continued, his eyes misting over and looking towards the distance as if we were back in the classroom. "I know that I told you that I was an asshole when we talked about it before, but there's so much more that you don't know. It felt...powerful to do that to you, Mark. To have so much control over you and your pleasure. After you climaxed I felt so happy and alive, but I was blinded by my own needs and wants, and didn't see how fucking bad I hurt you."

He looked back towards me, his eyes suddenly present again.

"When you screamed at me later that day, it was then that I realized how out of control I was. I wanted to do anything I could not to lose you. You were my best friend, and I realized then how terrifying it was to lose you."

I could feel the pain in his voice as he was struggling for the words to say to me. In the dining room that day with Jack he had been so casual about what had been going on, but it was only now that I could see how deeply that day had affected him.

How deeply it had affected both of us.

"I guess there's only so much a person can forgive someone for that type of invasion of trust," he continued. "It was beyond stupid, and if you not wanting to date has anything to do with that, I can promise you that I went through an incredible amount of counseling for it."

He placed his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone and handed it to me after pressing a few buttons.

"Even yesterday I spoke to Dr. Pearson," he continued as I saw that he had a few calls listed in his call log under the same name. "He's an amazing psychiatrist that deals with sexual control issues. He was my doctor for years, and I've been talking to him off and on for the past few weeks about my returning feelings about you. If any part of you being concerned that I'll end up back how I was in college, I can promise you that I'll start seeing him officially as soon as next week."

It was painfully sweet that he had already been making so many plans.

"I love Jack," I said, and my heart raced as I looked into the desperate eyes as I pushed the other words finally out of my mouth. "I...I don't love you."

The stillness in the air was deafening, and his hands lifted up towards his arms as he wrapped up as if suddenly cold.

"I'm sorry that what I did made you feel this way," he said, his voice small in his throat. "I lost your love, and I'll never get it back. It hurts a hell of a lot, but I...understand."

The need to finish every part of this was needed, and I could feel myself pushing past the guilt once again to be as honest as I dared.

"That's the other part of this..."

He turned back towards me, looking at me as almost a ray of hope was still there behind the torment.

"I never have loved you, Hunter."

Whatever was left of his heart seemed to shatter before me.

"Wait...what?"

"I lied to you...when I said that the only reason that we couldn't date was because you lived in out of the country. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, as stupid as that sounds."

"I don't...I don't understand. So why didn't we date if it wasn't about that?"

"We didn't date because I didn't have that spark for you. The sex was great and I loved our friendship, but as far as love...that just wasn't something that I ever -"

He stood up, his eyes suddenly angry.

"You...lied to me? You fucking lied to me!?"

I looked up at him in alarm. Hunter rarely ever raised his voice, and the closest thing that I had ever seen to a frown was fleeting at best. The man in front of me now though was angry, his face contorted in rage. His hands were shaking by their sides, and he seemed to be taking every ounce of energy that he possessed not to attack me.

"Yes," I said, slowly standing up myself. "It was to spare your feelings, but it doesn't matter why I did it in the end. I lied to you."

He took a couple of steps away from me, as if he hadn't seen me clearly for the first time until today. His face was turning slightly pink around the cheeks and his eyes bright with the type of angry tears that were so much more worthy than to shed for me.

"Why?" he said, his tone almost breathless. "I...for so many years...I thought that I...that we would have a chance. Why would you..."

The rest of the sentence died in his throat, and the pain of what I did seemed to settle in his bones like some sort of long dormant disease. He took another step back to steady himself it seemed to brace for the weight of my words, but even his broad shoulders couldn't handle it and he fell to the ground. He screamed out as if the only trust he ever had in the world had been ripped away from him without even the slightest hint of compassion or warning, and I stood there as every shred of the composed and confident man that I had known disappeared under wave after wave of pain.

"No," he cried, hugging himself and rocking slightly. "No, it can't be..."

His face was shining with tears now as I bent down closer to him, not knowing whether hugging him would help or hurt.

"You would never do this to me, Fish. Not you. Anyone but you. Even after what happened in class, we went on a date. We...made love in my bedroom. You could never be so fucking cruel as to leave me thinking that we might ever have a future together if we never did."

Tears were pushing out of my own eyes as I reached towards him, and he grabbed at my hand as if he was drowning and pulled me over to him. The grass filled my nostrils as I sat on the ground holding him, hating every single part of my soul for what I was doing to him.

"I'm sorry," I wept, not knowing what else to say as he shook in my arms. "I'm so fucking sorry."

The broken sobs from his lips ripped through the air like gunshots, and such pain and such confusion burned as our skin touched. I could tell that Hunter was struggling to stay in one spot. The same person he needed to hold him he didn't want anywhere near him right now. To see the intimate part of his heart, bare and raw felt almost like I was seeing him naked.

"You have every right to hate me," I whispered as I hugged him even tighter.

"I think...that I do."