You're My Everything (Septiplier)

"You always know when something's wrong."

-Mark's POV-

It's never a good thing when she's writing that much.

I tapped my foot as I sat on the comfortable blue couch of Dr. Barnes' office. Her pretty blonde hair in the familiar tight bun, and her painted plum colored nails writing something very detailed in her notepad.

"So Mark," she said gently looking back up at me, "You were telling me about some feelings you were experiencing with Hunter again?"

"Yes. Well, in a way yes."

She raised her eyebrows slightly. "Of sorts? Could you explain a bit more, please?"

"It's not about the returning feelings so much. I have figured those out. You were right about me just being attracted to him, and still caring about him. That's not love."

Barbara smiled kindly and adjusted her glasses. "If you don't see it as love then no, it isn't."

I moved a bit in my seat, trying to get more comfortable, but it wasn't happening today. Dr. Barnes watched me for a moment before speaking again.

"Would you prefer to lay down? Many people do it."

I shook my head no, and chuckled nervously.

"When you called me this morning you seemed really distraught. You did the right thing by wanting to talk about your feelings. So, this issue you are having in your intimate life with Jack, was that right?"

I nodded.

"We were making love last night, and it was wonderful, like it always was...but as I was..."

I looked back up, feeling embarrassed,  to see her kind hazel eyes looking back at me.

"I'm here to help you when you are ready, Mark. Please take all the time that you need."

"I was about to climax, and looked down to just look at Jack again. That usually all it takes. Either to look at him, or kiss his lips, but it wasn't him I saw. It was Hunter."

I shook my head, even now trying to get the picture out of my head of his dark read hair and green eyes staring back at me.

"Ok," Dr. Barnes said quietly. "So you saw Hunter there instead of Jack. What happened next?"

I sighed deeply. "I don't really know. I panicked and blinked a few times and it was Jack I saw again. It freaked the hell out of me. I couldn't continue. Thank god Jack was already finishing at that time so he was took busy to see the 'what the hell' look on my face."

"I see. Then what happened?"

"I just took care of Jack and we showered and cuddled, and then went to bed. He asked if I came, and if I was all right. He could tell something was wrong. He always can tell, but I couldn't tell him that I was thinking about my ex roommate while we were fucking on the couch."

I looked up, suddenly aware of what I had said.

"Sorry, Dr. Barnes. That was really crude."

"I've heard much worse about much less, Mark. And please, call me Barbara."

"Yes, Barbara, right. I'm sorry."

She smiled and took another couple of notes.

"I feel like I almost cheated on him. Why would I be thinking about someone else. Especially Hunter?"

Barbara moved over her chair a little closer to me. "Mark, you do realize that you are a well functioning adult with a perfectly normal sex drive, right?"

"I don't understand what you're-"

"Mark, fantasies are completely natural. They happen to us all during love making sessions. Our brains wander to different things and people who turn us on. It's all right for your mind to occasionally float to other people than your partner. It's just when the fantasies interfere within your relationship with your partner when issues may arise."

"But, I have never had that happen before."

"I understand how that could be confusing and concerning to you. It sounds like you and Jack have a wonderful sexual relationship and fantasies that do not involve the two of you rarely have occurred."

I nodded quickly, hoping that she would see what I was so worried. "Rarely is right. I never really think or visualize anyone when I have made love to Jack before now. Jack is...he's amazing. He's perfect, with the roundest little ass and..."

I paused.  My hands in the air and mimicking the shape of Jack's butt to my psychiatrist.

"Wow, I'm sorry. That was probably way more information than you really wanted. "

"It's fine, really," she said smiling warmly again. "It's nice to see you talk so lovingly about your fiancé. That is why I am assuring you today, just like I did the last time that we met about your sexual attraction to Hunter, your sexual urges are perfectly normal."

I sighed, feeling completely unconvinced.

"You are allowed to find other people attractive, Mark." she said simply. "It is how your deal with those urges and feelings which defines you as a good partner. Not the feeling themselves."

The musical bell signaling the end of the session rang.

"Did you have anything else you like to talk about before we wrap up for today?"

I nodded slowly. "Should I tell Jack about having a fantasy about Hunter while we were having sex?"

Barbara seemed to consider my question before answering, and her pretty eyes looked at me calmly when she finally answered. "That is ultimately something that you will have to decide, but if it helps you at all, one of the great strengths of your relationship with Jack is communication. You know him best as to if you think he would be ok knowing about your fantasies, Mark."

I thanked Barbara again for her time and headed out of the office. The sun was high in the air as I headed to my car, and sitting down I took a long breath as I thought about what to say to him when I got home.